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A word to the nice guys, from a former nice guy (Page 3)
Anonymous
(36-45) 
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For the love of fuck stop spreading this disease. Being a nice guy doesn't prevent you from getting dates. I like to think that i am nice. But i i'm not a pushover. Just don't be a pushover and realize that you are your own most valuable person on the planet. Don't be afraid to tell a girl to pack her things and get the fuck out. Unless you have kids together. That would make it a bit more complicated...
Do you ever feel like you bought the lie and she sold it to you? I read every word of your post twice and I know exactly what you mean.
I really empathize with how you are feeling. I've been where you are, in fact I am where you are. I've done a lot of research into human behavior as well as a tremendous amount of soul-searching to come to some amount of peace and understanding with it all. Unfortunately when it comes to buying a lie, she didn't sell it. Our society and culture sold the lie. And the lie causes us, both males and females, to have completely unrealistic expectations when it comes to love and relationships. You put in the effort and did everything right but it did not produce the results that you had hoped for. The problem is that we as humans are not programmed to have the kinds of relationships that we see in Disney movies. Our programming results in overlapping serial monogamy. This is in stark contrast to the fantasy that relationships are supposed to be one-size-fits-all monogamy boxes that do not have an expiration date. That's just looking at it conceptually. The actual experience as most of us come to know is much more confusing and dysphoric.
Relationships start with very intense feelings that fade to feelings of loving attachment that eventually transition into irritability and resentment. Depending on the individual it happens after 4 to 7 years. If you've heard of the seven year Itch, it's real. Scientists that study evolutionary biology think that our hormones cause us to pair up in a highly sexual way that will result in a pregnancy and that will transition into a team to ensure that offspring gets to be around 5 years old. At that point we start to explore feelings of desire towards others and serial monogamy rolls on. And it is really overlapping serial monogamy because one partner usually gets the itch before the other. We are a product of our environment and this is how we evolved to survive. And survival means shuffling and passing genes on to the next generation. Survival that's nothing to do with being happy and being nice give you no advantage in survival. All of that said, it doesn't make me feel any better. We are basically slaves to our genes and it would seem that suffering ensures survival better than anything else.
It was kind of exhausting to write all of that. I hope it all makes sense. I didn't fully go back to check for errors and for cohesion of thought.
Send me a PM if you want to chat about it. it sounds like you're having a rough time with this and I'd like to know more about your situation.
Seems like you've made your fair share of mistakes to realize exactly how I feel. I honestly didn't expect so many people to read my myTake. I'm surprised anyone read it at all, and even more so that you did. You seem to bring something else entirely to this discussion. A psychological perspective? Perhaps. Evolutionary science? A bit.
What I see is a balanced mind breaking down the phenomenon that people like us have been through. These things tend to happen in society without most people realizing it. If only Neil DeGrasse Tyson or someone as smart as that could've provided a response, it would've been much like your's.
As for my situation, I described it word for word. I didn't victimize myself, or make her out to be the villain, because she really wasn't. She deserved better, and so did I. At least one of us had to be honest enough to admit that the marriage wasn't exciting, or full of life, even though a lot of people tend to have that. Maybe she was subconsciously okay with settling for stability, but I wasn't okay with it. So I did what I had to do. It wasn't easy, and it sure as hell wasn't an act of kindness. I did it with more selfish intent than imaginable. I lost half of our joint net worth, and the only person who ever placed herself in the same bed as me, but I gained clarity. That doesn't mean I'm happy, or satisfied, or better off in every aspect. She used to fix the light bulb issues and leaky faucet issues around the house, now I have to get electricians and plumbers to do it. But that is fine. At least the plumber and I have a relationship more honest our marriage. We know what it's about, who's gaining what, and that it'll be over once we've both gotten what we wanted. And, to top that, I actually end up getting what I want, which I did not throughout all of those years of marriage.
Looks like I've written yet another rant, starting from somewhere, no idea how I ended up here, and no idea how to conclude. So I'll conclude like this. Thank you for reading my post and taking it so seriously, and thanks for the insightful response. It's very nice of you to take the time to resonate with me. The world needs more of that.
It's a tragic end to be the nice guy in that relationship. It's a bitter tasting win that leaves you questioning if you've abandoned the principles of finding the one that's right for you. Sorry that had to happen to you bud.
I used to hold doors open for chicks, but they wouldn't let me fuck them, so now I live in Africa as a women-thieving warlord and I never looked back!
Me and my type don't represent or look out for human traffickers. I hope you're not actually one of them, and are just saying this to make fun of me or something. Insult me, I don't care. But human trafficking is a crime.
It's NOT illegal when you decide the laws. Checkmate.
so here's what i took away from this post, you had a bad experience and assume that every other man in the world is the same as you. grow up man i hate that you had to go through what you did but hey lifes hard for everyone
No ones gonna stop being nice because somebody online said so, and girls do want a guy who's nice lol.
Stop watching incel videos, they poison your mind
Exactly!
I dont think being nice was problem, but your lack of experiance. I was in somehow similar situation, but dodged that bullet, with ending engadgment.
But hey it not like i can blame you for that, have done plenty of mistakes myself.
Very Very good article!! I loved reading this!!! 110% correct!!
Also you are NOT a jerk. You are a GREAT guy!
Thanks for being nice to me. I realize that a lot of what I said was way out of line, borderline unacceptable in nature. It's people like you, understanding and compassionate, that are fit to represent this community. This website needs more people like you. Heck, the world needs more people like you. You made me feel better, in the middle of tons of depression. It's temporary, but you did a good deed. You should be proud of yourself.
Yo i feel you I'm 19 with little experience with women I feel so behind especially when my friends are jerks and they have been with so many woman, I'm a genuine nice guy and I'd like some advice I don't Wana stay this way.
ya , I have similar stories, I always struggled with dating and meeting women, I'm lucky cause I met a cute latina, she likes nice guys that look rugged, lucky me, still together after 28 years
Congratulations. I'm happy for you two. You have found resolution. Everybody deserves one.
thank you
Really sorry that happened to you man. I myself am headed down the dance path I guess. Not sure how to not key that happen though because im not gonna go out being a peice I'd crap all of a sudden. I am who I am.
I didn't read much but Pua's warn guys of this and why it is important to learn the art of getting women.
Oof I'm doomed I'm nice no wonder I have never gotten a girl than again don't want to be known as a jerk that's not rlly my style I'm more of a gentleman
Too late pal, been through it, still going through it. It's painful. It's lonely, it's life. I appreciate your rant though.
You're not alone bro. We're in this together. I'll tell you what. I am just around as old as you, and I still feel like I haven't accomplished anything big in life that I wanted to. I've spent about 5 decades chasing stuff and not getting it, suffering from a lot of depression and whatnot, and I'm still alive. If I can get through this alive, you can too. That, is rewarding enough for people like us. Thanks for resonating with me, and hope you find resolution.
My Man!!
R cakes91 said was right most women want good guy. That will stand for the beliefs show a little backbone
this is too damn long to read. can someone sum it up for me
To sum it up, humans are basically just cats and dogs, sleeping around with each other, swapping spit and passing puss. :P
Yes that’s true , that’s why I have changed. No matter how much good you are , or talented. They will only go with guys that behaves bad to them
A key of life, " you can't turn a wh@re into a housewife". (full stop).
Except you're not correct. Women want good guys.
Exactly, there are a lot of women who want a good guy.
Genuinely nice guy = good guy
Which equals being forever alone😂