Do girls really hate dating shy men?

[Anonymous]

I asked out a girl at my college. First time in 2 years that I did it. However, I would regret it. While we went to Starbucks at our college she told me this: "I hate shy guys because they're wimps, losers, and sorry excuses of men." She told me "Good thing you're outgoing."

I looked at her and laughed, and told her: "You should know something, I'm a shy guy. I wanted to get to know you because you're pretty and seemed like you're nice. But you're not."

She tried to apologize, but I didn't accept it. I told her to leave me alone and don't talk to me again. If women are only interested meathead a**holes, and bad boys then they can have you all. Hopefully, you leave me alone and date the jerks you love so much.

Do girls really feel this way about shy men?

[Cinnamon16]

If I were you, I would have said "Define precisely what you mean by 'shy'." Because quite honestly, you guys may have had two different definitions of the term in mind when having this discussion.

To her, she may have defined "shy" as a guy who was overly meek, had no backbone, was unable to take charge or make decisions, and had no sense of self-worth or direction. It's possible she's had bad experiences with guys who were overly clingy or needy, or who were quiet to the point of boring.

To you, you may have defined "shy" as a guy who's simply on the quiet side until you get to know him. Someone who is kind and giving, but strong and knows his self-worth. Someone who tries to do what makes a girl happy, but never compromises his own needs or desires.

She would probably love a guy who fits your definition of "shy." And you would probably agree that a guy who fits her definition of "shy" isn't attractive.

Clear communication is important, and most people don't realize that two people can have vastly different conceptions of a word or idea... and end up disagreeing in the abstract, when in reality, they agree on the actual substance of the matter. I think that's what happened here.

[Asker]

It was offensive. I want nothing to do with women like that.

[Cinnamon16]

If you have strict standards, and will cut ties with a girl over an offhanded comment that wasn't thought through (and probably didn't *literally* refer to actual shy guys), that's your prerogative, and completely your right. Set whatever parameters you need in order to achieve happiness.

But it also means you've made up your mind, and don't really need a question answered here, to be honest. It sounds more to me that you just needed a place to rant about this off-the-cuff comment she made.

[Asker]

Yeah I did. I was very upset when I made this question.

[Anonymous]

Girls today have no patience to dig for the cool guy under the shyness.
Oh well, their loss.

[Opinion Owner]

"So, she wants to date bad boys when she's young, then settle down with me?"

Yeah seems this thinking is very prevalent these days.

[classicroyalty]

I don't feel that way unless you are trying to be something you are not if you're shy and trying to be a jerk that makes you look stupid. Women who like bad boys are most likely to end up with three children alone doing a waitress job just to feed the kids while the guy is somewhere puting someone else in the same situation. Some girls take bad guys because they want a challenge and they want someone to fix so they try to change bad boys. I had a bad experience with a shy guy once, but if you're shy own it

[bigowl_eyes]

Not every girl is like that. I prefer shy guys over cocky guys, I can't stand cocky. Don't let get to you though, she probably didn't mean to offend you, like what they say communication is key. Everyone has their own view and definition on things. Like example I like shy guys, but I don't want you to be too shy to tell me something, if that makes sense? Like I want you to be comfortable with me.

[Asker]

Well she did offend me. I won't ever approach another girl.

[bigowl_eyes]

You should not let her do that to you, by doing that your giving her power. Your just hurting yourself, yes it sucks but you will get over it, not all girls are the same. Which mean not all situations will be the same, so just try again, you seem like a cool guy so you will definitely find someone just gotta find her or vice versa.

[Asker]

Ok. But it took so much for me to approach a woman. I'm not really good with women.

[bigowl_eyes]

You did fine with this girl, it just didn't work out. So it just all depends on you now.

[Anonymous]

No, not at all I lke them. But one thing that I hate is not getting enough attention from a guy and tis sometimes happenes with shy guys. I don't know why they disappear sometimes, maybe this is because these type of people need more time to stay alone. I also hate pesimism that sometimes they express.

[Negrodamus]

"I wanted to get to know you because you're pretty and seemed like you're nice. But you're not."

I can't believe you told her this... a girl who agreed to go out on a date with you by her own free will, regardless of whether or not she felt you were shy or not. Clearly, she didn't think you were shy enough to avoid, so there was no reason to put her on blast like that. I would have just rolled with it and carried on the conversation

Damn dude...

damn...

[Asker]

How am I the bad guy here? I didn't do anything. She claimed she hated shy guys. Therefore, she hates me. She deserved what she got and I'm not sorry for it.

[Forca]

Woah dude you pull no punches do you?

I bet she didn't know what hit her after that tirade.

Hahaha. Some girls prefer shy guys and some prefer more confident guys, it all depends on the girl.

[Asker]

Once she said she hated shy guys, immediate turnoff and I ditched her.

[Forca]

Haha fair play to you, I am not laughing at you, but I wish I had been there to witness this incident first hand. Epic.

[Asker]

Should've saw the look on her face lmao.

[kangle]

Nope dear i love shy guys. M fiance is a shy guy who blushed around me a lot in beginning of our relationship n would stammer a lot lols. I had flirted a lot with bad boys but when it came to love, marriage n long term relationship, he outscored other guys. A gal might date bad boys but lov good guys who can make her secure. Believe me u r good d way u r:) find someone who loves u. I find shy guys cute n loyal:):):)

[Asker]

So, she wants to date bad boys when she's young, then settle down with me? Thanks but no thanks.

[kangle]

Bo dear. Bad boys hold certain charm known as mystery... They r mysterious... I mean find someone who respects u. Being shy isn't a problem. Problem is not wit u but her

[MatthewOD]

Pffft girls like you are not worth the time of day. I do feel sorry for your fiancé for he will live the rest of his days knowing that he was merely a second option and nothing more.

[BertMacklinFBI]

its usually a phase of preference. but no not all girls feel that way. every girl just wants a man, and they can give you that exact definition by just asking them. some opinions may differ slightly but they all usually stand along the same line.

[Tokana]

Just because someone is outgoing and confident it doesn't make them a meathead or an a$$hole. Generally speaking women prefer confident men,

[Asker]

I know that. But I'm not an outgoing person, if that means women won't like me, so be it.

[Tokana]

just be yourself bro... but i like the strong move you made, got up and walked away. * nods head *

[Asker]

I'm shy, but I can stand up for myself with ease.

[DaCrownlessKing]

Im sure a lot of girls do like shy guys but women have been conditioned to not make the first move because of societal expectations. You would have to be the one to make the first move. For sone reason women are more afraid of rejection then men, guess cuz they dont deal with it as much

[RaeBae]

All i can say is.. If I'm shy and you're shy lol who's gonna pull the other out the box. But i would never diss someone like she did. I guess he and I would jus be shy together :)

[Bysshe]

From what he's saying it seems she didn't think he was shy until he told her.

[Anonymous]

You sound like the asshole lol. Women like guys who go for what they want. She assumed you were one of those because you actually had the balls to ask her out, but then you turned into a big pussy who got his feelings hurt over a comment that should not have applied to you. You're an epic failure.

[DaCrownlessKing]

When u go through the amount of shit shy/anxious people go through you would understand. This guy has probably been trying to muster up the courage to say something and was discouraged when she reveals she doesn't like the type of guy he is. He did good askin her out but im sure he didn't want to fake bein the extroverted outgoin type for too long. Real shit, u seem like a prick homie

[Opinion Owner]

Everyone goes through fucking anxiety it's not selective to only certain people. You idiots that identify as shy guys are just the pussies that can't cope with that obstacle. I used to be the worst of the worst but I grew a pair of fucking balls. He didn't have to be "super extroverted", just confident and he would've had that woman regardless of what she said. You fucking failures don't know ANYTHING about women. Continue to be those shy undesirable men if that's what you with to identify as. You will weed yourselves out for not being fucking men.

Fucking Betas. Betas everywhere.

[jennifer8]

LOSER

[DragonWolf]

Im pretty shy myself (hard to notice that online, but in real life i really am) so i dont see a problem with shy guys. =)

[medical2523]

Dude I feel your pain as far as women going for the arrogant guys but when they start getting cheated on and mistreated that's when they wanna run to us. But to answer the question not all women are like this just ones that are too ignorant to remove themselves from the situation they are in whether that's dating assholes or being around people without brains

[Asker]

They can stay with them. I don't want the bad boys leftovers.

[Anonymous]

I would go right in front of my shy man and kiss him! :)

[Asker]

He's a lucky man.

[koibito]

Yes. Shy men are generally a turn off for girls.

What's there to like about a guy who is shy? Being shy means that you don't have the guts to do what you desire. You don't have the courage, you don't do the things you know you ought to be doing. How can anyone rely on you to speak out? To do the right thing? To defend them? To put your own ideas forward and protect the interests of your loved ones? A shy guy isn't a leader. He is afraid.

[Asker]

I'm shy and I'm none of the things you mentioned. You seem like you hate shy people. Leave us alone.

[koibito]

So... what does being shy mean to you then? I self-recognise myself as a shy guy, and I'd like to know what your standards are.

[aoifeislovable]

No they deffinitly don't hate it if they did they wouldn't go out with them but I will say that a guy with a little confidence that isn't cocky is really sexy

[SingerAtHeart]

I love shy guys. I actually have a crush on a shy guy right now.

[Asker]

Really? I was told women hated shy men.

[SingerAtHeart]

Not at all. But for me I can be very shy. But I don't like outgoing guys. I love shy guys. As I said I do have a serious crush on him. But even though I like shy guys. I also want him to not be completely antisocial. With my crush, to me he can talk a little more than with his friends. And to everyone else he's shy. But I am looking for a guy who is shy.

[Asker]

Shy people are only shy once they trust you. If I trust a person, they won't shut me up lol.

[SingerAtHeart]

Well with him. He was shy at first, just looking over at me, a lot. Then It seemed he liked me as he kept talking and flirting. Then I got to know him in a year. But then over the summer and we came back for school. He's shy again like before. Which makes me want him me. I know what he's like when he lets down that sort of wall.

[StickStickity13]

Good for you dude, standing up for yourself. Much respect!!!

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of quieter people prefer a quieter partner.

[ForeverFSixteen]

To answer your question - no. Shy guys have so much character when you dig deep.

[Chance18811]

Truthfully No Girls/Women Don't Hate Guys/Men that Are Shy, They Love It.

[KimLovesU]

I love shy guys! Guys who try to hard to be cool are not my type.

[Anonymous]

No, I think shy guys are really cute :)

[Jonzor]

Where do I find a girl that thinks like that haha :)

[Opinion Owner]

I think you were really brave to ask her out even though you're shy. You're not going to let this one girl discourage you forever, right? I know you can do it again. I promise, there's gonna be girls who love your personality. There's lots of them out there :)

[Asker]

She discouraged me a little.

[Opinion Owner]

That's alright, and understandable, but you'll get back up again :)

[Aidan]

On behalf of all shy guys, I thank you for your response.

[Timid-guy]

I don't understand why you had to say you're shy, you are what you believe you are, she thought you were outgoing, you should have kept pretending to be an Alpha

[sonicdrew]

that b&%^$

[Sky93]

No shy guys are great!

[J-junk]

Are you sure that you understand what shy is?
In guys it's insecurity and a fear of rejection that prevents them from approaching people, especially cute girls.
My guess is you are attracted to a guy who is quite and non-aggressive but fully confident in himself. Shy men lack confidence. I know from experience that a lack of confidence is a major turn off for the majority of females.
Girls might say that overly confident guys can be jerks. Those guys aren't confident, they are arrogant. And that comes from immaturity.
Immaturity is another big turn off for girls.

[Anonymous]

That sounds a bit like deaf pride...

[COCOCHANEL]

i prefer shy boys

[Anonymous]

women just don't date them