My girlfriend flinches and constantly apologizes?

[Jonathhhan]

I've been dating this girl for 4 months and some things in her behavior bother me. Like sometimes when I make a sudden movement close to her or put my hand on her back unexpectedly she flinches. Also she constantly apologizes about the smallest things and of things that are not even her fault. Like few days ago I asked her to bring orange juice and a few other things from the shop and when she got to my place I just asked where the juice was and she just got almost hysterical saying "I'm sorry" "I'm so so sorry" "I'll go get it now" "this won't happen again I promise" I just told her it was completely fine and that we would get it the next day but she seemed so shocked by it. I don't know what to think. Do I straight up ask her or what?

[musicbrain5]

It sounds like she has been in an abusive relationship or grew up in an abusive household. It's possible that she is startled by unexpected touches because she doesn't know what you're going to do. I suggest bringing this up to her in a polite and non-accusatory way (ie don't make it sound like it's her fault for flinching or profusely apologizing after a simple mistake). Also don't say you think she was abused in the past, because that may not be the case at all. I think it's important that she opens up to you as the relationship moves forward. You seem concerned so make sure she knows that and that she can talk freely without judgment from you.

[musicbrain5]

Thanks for MH! Have you spoken to her yet?

[Jonathhhan]

I did and she told me she was in an abusive relationship before me.

[musicbrain5]

It's good that she opened up to you like that. It sounds like she trusts you.

[lumos]

Sounds like she has been abused in the past. Either by a past boyfriend (or, past boyfriends) or by her parent (s). You should probably politely ask her why she's like that. Make it a point not to sound like you're blaming/antagonizing her, though. Express genuine worry.

[Prettykangaroos]

Maybe you should talk to her about it, it sounds like she was previously in an abusive relationship. Let her know that she's in a safe environment and you would never hurt her

[Anonymous]

I started out like this too. I grew up in an abusive household and in my first real relationship, every time I misunderstood, I started off apologizing profusely and it really confused my girlfriend (now my ex). I eventually and even now resorted to locking up, mentally shutting down, got really fidgety, and braced for any impact (psychological or physical). She was the only person I know who truly understood what I was thinking and she was fine with it.

[Anonymous]

She's had some terrible experiences, most likely in the last relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

Just came back to add, some people with severe anxiety also behave like this, but it is very severe anxiety not just feeling awkward in public.

[Anonymous]

sounds like she's been abused physically/emotionally. it could be a past relationship or she comes from a broken home... i feel so bad for her :(