How should I react to my girlfriend who cries after every argument?

[Anonymous]

Every single time we fight or argue she ends up crying (Me 22, her 19). Her voice gets all shaky and it's annoying because it is every single time. How do I react to this? I feel like I end up just caving in and saying it's okay to her. But by now I'm over it and don't know how to react because I feel like genuinely telling her to shut up sometimes. Please give advice so I don't end up yelling at her for crying.

[Oliverlogan263]

I wouldn't yell at her man, that's never cool. But the constant crying does seem like a way to manipulate you into backing down. Here's what I'd do:

When she starts to cry, stay calm and don't immediately cave. Let her know you care about resolving the issue, not just making her feel better in the moment. Hand her a tissue and give her space if needed.

Once she calms down a bit, gently say something like "I understand you're upset, but the crying makes it hard for us to talk constructively. Can you take a minute and we'll come back to this when you're feeling more levelheaded?"

If/when she does calm down, continue the discussion in a kind but firm way. Make your perspective clear while also listening to understand hers. Compromise where you can.

If the tears start again, point out you both want the relationship to work, so avoiding tough talks won't help. Ask her to trust that you care about resolving issues, not hurting her. Say you'll be patient but need real communication, not just comfort.

With time and consistency, she'll learn crying isn't the way to resolve conflicts. Keep being understanding but don't back down - your feelings matter too in a healthy relationship. With work, you guys got this!

[bobalife]

I agree with everything you say that we’re great helping tools. But please don’t say her crying is manipulation… sure some people may use it in a toxic way, but it sounds like she felt neglected/hurt and some women are just very emotional that it’s hard to not cry when they’re being vulnerable letting their partner know what’s bothering them.

[bobalife]

Were*

[Oliverlogan263]

@bobalife I agree you are right on that and reading it back it wasn’t in a way of manipulation, she was very sensitive due to the fights and arguments, it hurts her and rattles her to become emotional. He needs to be caring and sensitive towards her and console her as to wipe her tears away and talk where they are both calm, apologize to each other, and work to communicate through speaking and not arguing

[Zestyassmf1997]

What are you guys arguing over?

[Asker]

Little things. She was upset I didn’t text her the whole day while she was on her period. She was mad I didn’t say I love you. Just little things that could be resolved without her bitching over it

[Zestyassmf1997]

Well, maybe try being a bit more attentive. It’ll make her feel better, and you as well.

[bobalife]

You could be more attentive, caring, and sensitive. She’s just very emotional as to why she cries. To yell at your partner or telling them to shut up because they’re crying is destructive and disrespectful to borderline verbally/emotionally abusive… no one deserves that anywhere. If you don’t genuinely care when your girlfriend is expressing her emotions, needs, and in pain… let her be with someone who actually wanna be there for her genuinely.

[Nikki1989]

She should find a more supportive boyfriend.

[slatyb]

What are you fighting and arguing about? Do you fight without getting abusive?

[Asker]

Never physically abusive, I can say that there have been words that I regret saying to her but never physical

[slatyb]

I meant verbally abusive. If you are doing that, you both need to stop. It's extremely destructive.