Girls, do shy girls like aggressive pursuit from men?

[Anonymous]

I've crushed on several shy girls over the past three years, and I never could get with them because it was so hard to initiate with them. They just always seemed to reticent and unwilling to open up even when there's obvious interest. An older cousin of mine finally told me just to get really aggressive with them because shy girls are looking for a guy who has the courage and persistence to break through their defenses. Is this true?

[Cobaltemerald]

Um... Yes and no. Shy girls in my experience are usually shy because they have trouble reading people. A man being obvious would actually be helpful as shy girls tend to not pick up on flirtation. That shy girls want aggressive persisting men is not so set in stone. and quite often as they are shy, they may have trouble telling you that you're going too far or scaring them. You could be terrorizing them and they wouldn't say a thing.

[Asker]

Well, then how are guys supposed to pursue them? How would I know the *perfect* amount of pressure to put on her without being a mind reader?

[Cobaltemerald]

Perhaps you should try being persistent and not creepy. And don't try to push her to take you seriously, and don't get angry if after all your work she isn't showing interest.

[Asker]

You're making some pretty douche-y assumptions about me. I'm not creepy and I'm not so desperate that I would really care one way or another if any one girl rejected me. Only guys who have zero self-esteem and zero prospects live and die with the opinions of any one girl.

[Cobaltemerald]

I wasn't assuming anything. I was giving generic advice to someone I don't know using my own experience.

But by the way, your reaction (which to me seemed angry, dismissive and hurtful) is exactly what I meant. A lot of guys get pissed off when they feel they have been working on a girl for a while and then get mad and say things to make everyone think they don't care.

[Asker]

No, there are 3 billion girls on this planet, so I don't waste time on any one of them that doesn't reciprocate my interest. I'm attractive and strong, so I know I'm worth a lot more than that.

What offended me was the dismissive and condescending tone of your post, i. e. 'don't be a creeper.' Do you really think that's 'advice' you should give to someone who legitimately asking how to pursue a shy girl? Would a creeper even go through the trouble of asking for advice on such a matter? Ah, it's girls like you who make decent guys want to give up because you paint all of us as rapists and users when we seek romance and real relationships with girls.

[Cobaltemerald]

That was actually a mistake - I was planning on writing 'aggressive' and somehow wrote creepy and sent it through before I noticed. I can see why that bothered you. It's not what I wanted to say and I'm sorry.

Look, I'm just giving advice - which is what you asked for. I'm not saying that you are any of these things because it's impossible for me to make any assumptions about someone I have never met. Everything I'm telling you is how I think you should handle your friend's advice, because if you are aggressive and persistent with a woman who is too shy to say yes or no, you could seriously be upsetting her or even scaring her.

As for girls (women) like me - we have been burned but that I'm here talking to you suggests I don't think you're a bad guy. Your friend is giving you bad advice. And you feel you're a catch and that you shouldn't try too hard to get a girl, cause there are loads of other chicks who won't be that much work. That thought process is beneath you.

[Asker]

Me having healthy self-esteem isn't "beneath me." No one should chase after someone who doesn't reciprocate their interest, guys nor girls. If I were a girl posting that I don't chase dead ends and know what I'm worth, you'd be high-fiving me with 'you go girl' comments. But the fact that I'm a guy makes that somehow a horrific thing. I disagree. I don't think that someone believing that he deserves someone who's into him is ever a bad thing.

I do appreciate you taking the time to give your input, but I'm not going to do a woman's job for her. If a girl is honestly too shy or scared to tell me that she isn't into me, then she really needs to figure out how to express herself. It isn't my job to read a girl's mind, no more than it's a girl's job to read mine. Every adult must learn to stand up for him/herself.

[Cobaltemerald]

You're very right about the double standards. But shy girls do take some work. And they're usually very worth it.

Going off topic: I'm very shy and often I see as really nice men notice me and then just move past me to girls who are vivacious and loud. I'm confident, a professional, and a good conversationalist (Atleast I hope so). It's not like I can't hold my own. Men often try to impress me verbally but they'll flirt with the other girls. I think being shy is hugely debilitating. I party - I laugh - I giggle - but when it comes to love interests, I am silent. And my love life reflects that silence. I see how some women who don't value love and people get men, and then they seem to actually punish guys for choosing them. And it makes men wild. Shy girls feel too strongly I think. And so they hide it.

I hope you find a shy girl that breaks out of her shell. I hope you help her. It's a matter close to my heart.

Sorry for all the nattering xx

[Asker]

I love shy girls and don't look down on them at all. I'm strong and outgoing enough, I don't need a girl who is the same as me. But I don't know how to break through to shy girls without being aggressive. If it makes them uncomfortable, tough. They. probably need to get out of their comfort zones more anyhow. But shy girls always see me as a player because of my strong aelf-confidence and the fact that I'm bold in going after them. It's caused most shy girls to pull away eventually... sad.

[Cobaltemerald]

Try this maybe: after the initial flirting, be very literal about how you feel - like go into complete detail. It'll make the girl have to accept that she's worth it and won't leave her time to consider and go back into shell mode. I wish you luck!

[SoldiersWoman]

Totally! A shy girl is more likely to want a guy that can and WILL protect her from anything! She needs a rock that isn't going anywhere and will stand by her side even if the sky starts falling.

[cmelarose03]

Yes I think it would help them come out of their shell a bit.

[ArabianPwincess197]

Well I like any guys tbh as far as they don't delude themselves by thinking they are an alpha male and can take on any master

[Asker]

"take on any master"?

[Anonymous]

I'm a shy gal. I don't like aggression per say, but noticeable pursuit is good. I say noticeable because some guys aren't clear and I have no idea what is going on. If he's kind to me and patient, I will open up to him.

[lenfantterrible]

What do you mean by aggressive? Always initiating contact and chasing after her?

[Asker]

Yes, exactly.

[lenfantterrible]

Yes this could be good if she is very very shy, because then she notices that your serious. But don't overdo it. You could text her every day in the evenings and when she is always ready to text you back you could ask her to hang out.

[lenfantterrible]

you're

[Asker]

Wouldn't it be better just to ask her out straight up rather than using the words "hang out"? I've heard a lot of girls complain about guys saying that because they see it as him lacking the balls to just ask her on a date.

[lenfantterrible]

Yes, you are right, it's better to ask her out straight up.

[RationalLioness]

I'm sure some do and some don't. Some shy girls on here have said they like shy men as well.

[dwiller943]

Yes. That is very true.

[Anonymous]

Nope not at all.

[Asker]

So you prefer passive guys?

[Anonymous]

Maybe. Just maybe.