Do shy guys go after girls the same as outgoing guys?

[Anonymous]

I was always taught not to "go after guys" and to let them "come to me." In other words, don't ask guys out because they aren't interested unless they're asking you out first...

I've found that when a guy likes me he'll go out of his way to ask me small talk kind of questions... that he'll try to be near me so he can make jokes.

What about a shy guy though?

The guy I like came and sat next to me at work last night, but hardly talked to me. He kind of avoided eye contact. I tried to make small jokes, but I felt so discouraged because he wasn't making eye contact or smiling. I know he was busy, but should I feel so discouraged? I mean, he did sit next to me, but he didn't try to talk to me much. He made his presence known by talking to people around me and humming. I'm shy too, so I didn't know how to react to this!

So do shy guys go after girls the same way?

Yeah, it's the same... they go out of their way to talk to you

No, it's different. It might be harder for them.

Other. Please explain!

[Anonymous]

I have a similar situation.. when I approach the guy I like he doesn't really look at me either. I don't know why he avoids eye contact, but at least he smiles and continues talking so I'm pretty sure he doesn't hate me.

He doesn't approach me either, but he seems to like it when I approach him.

And I'm shy too, just like you lol.

I say try approaching him and putting yourself out there. Approach him a couple times. Then if he likes you he'll do something about it!

What I'm hoping anyways.. that's my plan for the guy I like right now. I want to approach him until he seems comfortable around him then I'll give him the opportunity to approach me if he likes!

I think with shy guys (if they're interested) the goal should be to make him comfortable first! He might like you but just not be approaching you because he's shy. If you like him (which you seem to), take the initiative and approach!

[Asker]

Yeah, unfortunately that was my last day at that place! I'm thinking I'll just have to ask him out fb since we're friends there.

[Opinion Owner]

yeah probably the best way. wish you could do it in person but that's okay! if he likes you I'm sure he won't mind!

[Asker]

Well, I'm just asking him if he wants to grab a drink. He's new to this city so I thought it might be nice. I'm not making it like a big date thing though. More of a let's get to know each other kind of deal. Yeah... I could have asked in person, but I feel like it would have been VERY awkward. All 15 ish people are in the same room (we work in the ER) and we're never alone. It'd be putting him on the spot and I'd already feel awkward asking! So maybe fb is better? If he ever checks it!

[Opinion Owner]

FB is fine :) and hopefully he'll get comfortable around you and open up! good luck!

[Asker]

Thanks so much! I should just do it. What do I have to lose?

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly :)

[Asker]

Alright, now just to come up with a creative message. I want to be informal, but show it's a date! Sort of? Maybe? haha. Ah!

[Anonymous]

well obviously not...

they're shy, they're not going to approach at all

[Scoopie]

It's not that it 'might' be different, it actually IS different and it IS different for shy guys.

Come on, why do girls keep asking this about shy guys? They're SHY, okay?! It's the same as with shy girls; shy = shy. It's not that because we're men, we're suddenly different when we're shy. It's the same definition for both girls and guys. Why would it be different for us guys? It's like when you break a bone, it's broken. No matter if you're a man or woman. Period.

If he's shy, he is going to act just like a shy girl would. He will most probably avoid eye contact, will not initiate a conversation, keep conversations brief, be very nervous, and all the other stuff.

So no, shy guys are not the same as outgoing guys. This is exactly the same as shy girls are not the same as outgoing girls. It's not rocket science.

[Asker]

Yeah, he pretty much does all of the above that you described in a shy guy! Even my colleagues at work think he's shy, so it's not just my opinion. I just got really bad vibes from him last night. He hardly made eye contact. The day before that we had this really long lingering eye contact and last night just seemed bad. We hardly talked. I felt really discouraged. I had planned to ask him to grab a drink, but felt he had no interest in me. Shy guy problem? Or not interested? I can't tell.

[Scoopie]

That's the exact same problem we guys have with girls: is she shy, or not interested. And the only way to find out is to ask her out. But even then she may reject you because she's too shy to say yes. It's just difficult, but the only chance you have is to ask him out and see what happens.

[Asker]

Ah, okay. Good to know! I think that is my main concern. Sometimes I see him and I feel like there is a connection and other days I feel like he is completely uninterested. I don't think he's too shy to say no. He's not THAT shy. He just isn't the guy who is making jokes with anyone at work. He talks to people he knows well and kind of sticks to them mostly. He's more of an introvert too. Well now that I'm not working there... maybe it'd be better to ask him over fb? In person seemed too pushy

[Scoopie]

If he's an introvert and he doesn't know you well, you don't stand a chance (yet). He doesn't hang out and talk to just anyone, so why would he go out with a girl he barely knows.

You'll have to gain his trust somehow, Facebook sounds good, but you should also keep in mind this plan may not work. It doesn't mean you shouldn't try though.

[Asker]

Aw, right when I was getting all excited to finally message him! I'm making it casual. Just asking if he wants to grab a drink. He only moved here recently so that's my excuse. So basically... it's more of a just to get to know him, not exactly a date date. You're right, he doesn't know me super well. I didn't realize I liked him til about 2 months ago... seems as though we've had about 4-6 shifts together since then. We're so busy that I hardly get to talk to him. I have talked to him though.

[Scoopie]

Like I said, you have to try and put some effort into it. Just don't expect him to just go have a drink together, that's not exactly how most introverts work. You can try that though, maybe he'll say yes. Best would be to just have casual conversations (chats), get to know each other better so he gains your trust and gets more comfortable. This will increase his preparedness to meet up with you.

[Asker]

Yeah, I actually tried the little chats... I'm an introvert too, so I know how I like things done. I figured he'd be the same :). We've had little chats... and some where we made fun of the other doctors around. Nothing serious though, yanno? I'm just going to ask him if he wants to grab a drink since I know he's new to the area. super casual! who knows, maybe I won't like him after one meeting? maybe... ha

[Electric_Dreams]

He sat next to you and completely ignoring you while talking to others? Sorry but it sounds like while you have a crush on him, he just.. doesn't reciprocate that feeling. Also sounds like he's oblivious you have a crush on him.

Of course, he could have aspergers.. but I have that and if I liked you and came and sat next to you then I did so with a clear intention - to talk to you. Unless you were deep in conversation with others like a group or some such and didn't even acknowledge me (thus discouraging me) I would talk to you. This is all provided that I'm at least an acquaintance of yours, because I don't talk to people I don't know unless there is necessity, generally.

[Asker]

Aw, I was getting all ready to message him too! :(. He doesn't have aspergers. He came and sat next to me to work. We work in the ER. He's a doctor. We're busy. Really busy. It's an ER. We did talk some, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't full fledged conversation for hours is what I mean. I guess he wasn't ignoring me per se, but he was working... idk. :( Now I feel so discouraged. I don't think he has any idea that I'm interested to be honest. I'm super shy so I haven't talked much! :(

[Electric_Dreams]

I don't want to upset you, just trying to be honest. And you should bare in mind that my opinion is just that, just the opinion of one person, with aspergers. And now I know you work in ER, well that's different. I don't expect it's a great place for socialising at work, so unless you were each on lunch, then as a good doctor his priority would've been his patients/his work. Anyway if you think you have a realistic chance with him (not gay, not married, not in a serious relationship

[Electric_Dreams]

not rejected you all ready) then you shouldn't be discouraged by one persons' opinion. You can always still try. I don't think you should confess your crush for him so much as just maybe ask him out for a coffee or some such.

[Asker]

ohhhh yeah, we work in the ER and since our pt's are our first priority we actually don't take breaks... and we're always making calls, with a pt or at the desk charting. There are never breaks to be honest. For me to ask, it'd be in the middle of him charting or making important calls... in front of everyone else who is at the nurse's station (15 people). It'd be obvious. I was just going to fb message him and ask him if he'd like to grab a drink because he's new to the area. Not tell him I like him!

[Electric_Dreams]

Yeah, so that's good. And good luck with that. You're working in an ER changes a lot about my initial thoughts.

[Asker]

lol yeah, always on the move. Not to mention we're both shy and introverted and new... so we're stressed and shy... not a great time to make conversation! haha yeah, I think this will go well. If anything he'll think it's more casual than I want! oh well, better to start as friends and see where things go first.

[RasmusAiken]

As a recovering shy guy I can say that it's different when you're shy. Shyness grows out of both holding a girl in (too) high esteem and having an increased sensitivity to rejection. Waiting for him to come to you is probably not the best plan. You may need to "troll bait" past this guy more than a few times just to give him some confidence. Smiles & short flirty text messages will mean a lot to him if he's interested.

[Asker]

Yeah, I have no idea if he likes me. It's hard to flirt at work when everyone is around. I myself am shy. That was my last day of work with him though sadly. I tried to talk to him, but we work in an ER, it's busy. I tried to make small talk, he kind of either laughed and didn't look at me or we didn't say anything. My coworkers say he's shy too though, so it's not just me. We had this great eye contact 2 days ago and then it seemed like he disliked me yesterday. Then he smiled at me as I left!

[Anonymous]

Shy guys over analyze the possible actions, and so they rarely make a move of any kind. Having a successful flirtatious conversation, let alone conversation, with a pretty girl carries the emotional weight of getting the dream job. If they manage to ask a girl they like out successfully without drowning in their own sweat, they feel immortal...and are then petrified of screwing it up.

[Asker]

Yeah... so I think I'm going to ask him out... over fb so he doesn't feel pressured in front of the whole emergency room. we work there... and we're always around people. I think it'd be better for both of us... plus I just had my last shift there!

[bDizzie]

Why would you not ask out a guy you are interested in?!? I've never understood this advice. So you're supposed to sit there and look pretty and accept only the guys who choose you? Why limit yourself?

[Asker]

I want to ask him out! Although, that was my last day sharing the same shift as him. Yeah, basically, I've been taught that asking out guys means they don't like me as much. I've asked out guys before though. I think I might just go out on a limb and ask him on fb since I don't work at this place anymore. I entirely agree, I don't get why girls can't ask guys out. We're adults, we aren't in college. It should be different, shouldn't it?

[Anonymous]

"don't ask guys out because they aren't interested unless they're asking you out first"

biggest piece of bs that sadly all too many girls believe

[Asker]

I agree! Or hope I truly agree! That was my last shift with him though. I just kept waiting. I tried to be nice to him and flirt a bit, but it was so hard because he's very shy and I am too. Plus we're really busy.

[Shy_Steve]

Usually only Confident Guys will approach a Girl he likes so you Single Girls are missing out on a lot of Guys.

[Anonymous]

Shy guys rarely if ever make a move on a girl.

[Asker]

Ah, my job there ended so maybe I should just ask over fb? We are friends. I tried to talk to him yesterday and he kept kind of avoiding eye contact, even when walking in the halls! I mean, we do work in an ER and we're all busy and a bit stressed. Do you think if he had any interest he would have tried to talk to me more? We sat next to each other for almost 6 hrs on and off when we were actually at our desks. I tried to make small talk! He smiled at me when I left, but didn't talk to me much

[Opinion Owner]

There's no harm in asking.

[Asker]

I guess I won't find out unless I ask him... can't really get a full idea from people on here can I? Even though I wish I could! haha

[Anonymous]

Usually shy guys don't approach period.

[Asker]

My coworkers agree he is shy. We had great eye contact 2 days ago... the long lingering one. Then last night I just felt like he was kind of ignoring my presence. Don't you think if he was interested he'd talk to me or try? Idk, I tried to make small talk, but it was hard. We work in an ER, it's busy and everyone is in the same room. For shy people, this sucks! I had this plan to ask him out, but I got bad vibes. Then as I left, he smiled at me! Fml. Should have asked to get a drink.

[Anonymous]

People go after what they are

[Asker]

My coworkers agree he is shy. I am too! We had great eye contact 2 days ago... the long lingering one. Then last night I just felt like he was kind of ignoring my presence. Don't you think if he was interested he'd talk to me or try? Idk, I tried to make small talk, but it was hard. We work in an ER, it's busy and everyone is in the same room. For shy people, this sucks! I had this plan to ask him out, but I got bad vibes. Then as I left, he smiled at me! Fml. Should have asked to get a drink.