Shy guy + drinking = Possible genuine attraction?

[Anonymous]

I've known this guy for awhile. He's kinda shy around me sometimes, other times he teases me (not in a mean way), we hang out on the weekends with our mutual friends... when he gets drunk, he's way more flirtatious towards me, and we've made out on three different occasions when he's been drunk. The drunkness varied from starting to get drunk, to drunk, to kinda sobering up. He's never had a girlfriend, and a lot of people think he likes me because he's been drinking and getting drunk for more than a few years and has never hit on a girl the way he hits on me. He'll call me for random things, one time he was asking me for his best friend's girlfriend's number because he needed to return a bag to her that she left in the back of his truck after they all went to a concert one night... he could have called a number of people that had her number, including his best friend, because I haven't been friends with her for all that long...but he called me and asked instead. One night he even called to tell me to drive careful on the way home because the roads were still kinda icy.

I know he was drunk, but I think he might use it as a tool to lower his inhibitions and be more outgoing around me, because he's not really the "go-getter" type, at all. And since it has happened on more that one occasion, I'm pretty sure he knows exactly what he's doing when he's kissing me, drunk.

Any opinions on this? I want to tell him I have feelings for him, but I don't want to make a fool of myself if he doesn't feel the same way...

[Anonymous]

I am in the same situation there is this guy and he and I have know each other for about 4 years now. When he is drunk he acts like he likes me. and just like your guy he has never had a girlfriend. But anyway he calls me when he is drunk like one time he had to come over on the weekend so the night before and just wanted to talk. One other night he called like every hour on the hour till I answered the phone and he just wanted to talk. We have never made out because he works for my family. But I really like him and I think he likes me. I would like to say tell him how you feel but people tell me that to tell my guy how I feel but I can't because I don't want to make a fool of my self since he is older. So good Luck.

[Lis4Loca]

I think everyone is absolutely right! Homeboy is DEFINITELY interested, at the very least attracted to you. I think if your interested in pursuing something with him, act on it, and don't discuss it. When you guys are drunk at a party, makeout with him ( I know you said you already have) but initiate the making out. Tell him you think he's really hot or really awesome or something right before you make out with him. Or even "i f***ing want you" or something very sexy and not so sit down with him one on one "i have feelings for you."

[Lis4Loca]

By everyone I meant the people you mentioned that think he's interested

[maxisam]

Wow~ I think that will freak him out, since he is a homeboy. haha

[Lis4Loca]

Hahahaha that's hilarious! I guess now that I read my comment it does sound a little ridiculous. What I mean is that you should make the first move.

[rachiee]

I'd talk to him and see how he feels. It does sound like he's interested in you or at least cares about you. If you're having trouble telling him then you can always do it drunk haha. But I think he's using the alcohol to give him confidence to talk to you. I know plenty of shy guys and guys with not a lot of confidence who the second they get drunk they spill out their feelings.

[spottedwolf]

I ould sya you need to help him out a ltle. I thinks he has be dinking t get the nerve to come up to you then g oup to him when he isn't drinking. You make a move to show you are iterested in the guy he is when is is not drinking. This will help boost is self confidence and let him know he can be himself around you drinking or not.

[Albedo]

I think Maxisam said it best. This guy sounds a lot like me. I'm pretty shy when it comes to the ladies, and I used to frequently use alcohol as a crutch to get myself to open up and tell girls what I what I really thought of them.

This guy is most definitely interested and you should do little things to boost his confidence so he doesn't have to rely on the alcohol to progress this relationship of yours.Try to convince him to see in himself everything you see in him. If you can get him to the point where he can do these things without the aid of alcohol, you two may end up with a great relationship!

[palek]

The word you use most often is "drunk". Being a former "drunk" myself, I would hate to see you decide to forge through life with an alcoholic. This may not be the case here, but I strongly suspect that it is. If he is an alcoholic, though certainly redeemable, you alone can't make him feel that way. He needs to first acknowledge the problem, and then get help. I'm just saying, be very careful in this. Don't commit yourself to this problem because it is bigger than you are. If he drinks everyday, beware.

[Asker]

Lol, no he doesn't drink every day... actually, not even every weekend. Sometimes he has only a few beers on the weekends, especially if he has to drive. Once in a great while, he'll drink some whiskey but like I said... only on occasions. But when he does drink, it's only on the weekends because he works and goes to school during the week.

[maxisam]

First of all, congratulation he is totally into you.

Second, this period is the best part in the relationship, don't ruin it.

Keep flirting with him ! haha However, he does lack some confidence, obviously.

So the only thing I think you should do is to give him some confidence, like telling him he is cute, he is smart, he is sweet... blah blah blah

He just needs more confidence to say he like you, so give him some.

Besides, you can have some physical touch with him, but not too much tho.

[briannabanana]

Awesome.

[mikess314]

Not every man drinks to give himself the boost to do what he truly wants. Men, mostly, just love a good beer. Beer has alcohol. Alcohol lowers his inhibitions. Inhibitions lowered, if he chose to be more aggressive in hie pursuit of you, then he probably is interested in more. No telling where it will go. This man says pull him aside, sober, and let the truth come out.

Drunk doesn't mean blacked out. He'll remember. You'll be able to see the truth of it in his face.

M

[Atomizer]

If someone has to get drunk to lower their inhibitions, and to make a move, that's a sign of serious problems. He could be an alcoholic. He could be an abuse survivor who can't handle sexuality when he's sober. Many other possibilities.

None of this bodes well for a healthy relationship. As palek said, this guy needs to deal with whatever problems he has before he can be healthy, and be a healthy partner.



Good luck.

[Lis4Loca]

I think that he just gets nervous around you and uses alcohol as a little confidence booster. I don't think that makes you an alcoholic. That's half the reason why people get drunk.

[maxisam]

I will say you think too much. He is just a virgin boy ! It is common, no big deal ! Don't ruin their chance !

[Atomizer]

If using alcohol as a confidence booster is half the reason people get drunk, than half the people who drink have alcohol dependence problems:

link

[JustinX]

actually i'm very similar with the guy you mentioned except for the flirting with girl part... shy guys like me choose alcohol to suppress our shyness and most of the girls dont like shy guys so that is the only way we can escape reality for a bit amount of time

[firezex]

You need to do something. Show more to him to indicate you like him back and get him to come out and tell you he likes you.

The only way it will get frustrating for one or both of you, is if you just leave it.

:)

[joejoe123123]

You don't necessarily have to tell him that you like him if you don't want to get hurt. Just put alittle more effort into your "signs" that you like him. Maybe eventually he will admit his feelings for you.

[Chingno]

exactly !
I am confused now
He even kissed me so passionately until I have to kiss him back
Kiss me again and again but I know he isn’t that drunk anymore as he speaks quite normal. I ask him few questions why he never pursue me while sober but only acts like he is in love with me after drink alcohol very gentle with me although he drinks alcohol he answered he dare not to say to me

[acealmighty13]

I'm like that. I'm more flirtatious when I'm drunk. I'd say in a way he knows what he is doing. I also agree with Maxisam's advice. A boost in confidence for him would help him quite a bit.

[njaroon]

I'd say he has someinterest in you. It's not like's hitting on random girls when he's drunk. Shy people can become more uninhibited when drunk. Talk to him about this when he's sober.

[doctorwhofan23]

If he needs to drink to have confidence to talk to you that is a problem. I think before any relationship takes place that problem needs to be solved.

[Asker]

Maybe I wasn't clear enough, because I seem to be getting this answer... he doesn't totally blow me off or not talk to me when he's sober. We're friends, we talk on the phone, we joke around with each other... he'll "accidentally" touch me when we're sitting side by side, he's always attentive and looks me in the eye when we're in conversation, but when it comes to affectionate things (like kissing and such) he's at a standstill... until he's drunk. He always hugs me bye and stuff when sober

[Asker]

The only thing that changes when he's drunk is the fact that he'll be less subtly flirtatious, and he'll kiss me and cuddle with me. Although one night, we did kinda cuddle when we were both sober... I laid my head between his neck & shoulder and he tilted his face to rest on my forehead and we stayed that way for the whole night.

[Asker]

By less subtly flirtatious, I mean he's really open about it and doesn't act all shy... lol

[doctorwhofan23]

I realize that but it seems that the alcohol is being used to make him a different person a person he is happier being. It still seems like he is drinking alcohol for the wrong reasons. I realize you hang out when he is sober but it seems like there is an alcohol problem to me.

[That-Guy]

Remember alcohol isn't a truth spell or deeper emotionally outlet. Your just DRUNK.

You do things that rationally you would never do. I've made out with friends and girls who with a rational mind I would've never done. I've peed on cars and broken random things. Maybe I do find my friends attractive but that doesn't mean I would want to date them.

Contrue his sober actions, try to stray away from his drunk babble.

[lolfreddy]

Hmm, I don't know.

I say go for it, what do you have to lose? :)

[Anonymous]

well he in to you and he not using alcohol to lower his ambitions he's using it to pluck up the courage to flirt with you

[crisxcrisx]

I think you should go for it!

It sounds like he likes you but just uses the whole drunk thing to have the guts to act on it :)

Im sure we have All done it at least once!

[BradleyDee]

Liquid courage is soo helpful haha