Why do women keep rejecting me for being a virgin?

Question

This is like the 5th time this has happened. When there's a mutual interest between a girl and I, we obviously start talking and whatnot. So everything goes well until she finds/figures out in a virgin. After that she'll stop talking to me or at least stop trying to date. I don't get it. Sometimes they say it's because they want an experienced guy, sometimes they say that I'm too "pure" for them, whatever that means. Like just today this girl I've been talking with for weeks now doesn't want to date because she says I shouldn't waste my time and "purity" on her. I told her I didn't mind if she wasn't a virgin too and she just replied, "You just don't get it...", and stopped responding after that. 
Why the fuck do women keep doing this? I'm tired of never getting a decent answer and wasting so much time/hope on girls that will eventually just reject me. I'm not into causal sex, so despite opportunity I haven't lost it yet. This might also be part of the problem since I tell them that and I guess some just wanted a fling. I thought a virgin guy would be the least intimidating thing for women but they call stepping away. 
Can anyone explain what is going on here?

heavensgift2girls · Accepted Answer

Women simply aren't as honest with themselves or others about what they want in a man as they think they are. This is why people say not to take dating advice from women. They say they want one type of guy, and then sleep with a different type of guy. When courting a girl the most important part is being able to turn her on sexually. Being nice, agreeing with her about feminism, or being the stable choice isn't going to make her wet, and won't make her want a sexual relationship with you.

The few women that are honest often get shouted down or shamed for their honesty. The anonymous girl that said "Lack of experience, awkwardness, taking too short, "loser" type... Ladies usually like a guy who knows what he's doing and is confident." Is one of the more honest answers you are going get, and you can see that people have an issue with her honesty. All she is doing is being honest about looking for a fulfilling sex life and people take issue with that. The fact is most women are just looking to get off sexually, and are not looking for a great guy to be in a long term relationship with.

If you come off as someone that is looking to make a wife out of a girl that is still wanting her freedom she is going to run away. People talk about men having a fear of commitment, but the truth is women freak out about commitment all the time. They are worrying that you are looking for a special relationship, and that isn't what they want with you at the moment. Most people are just looking to hook up and have a good time, and then get blind sided by someone special that makes them want to have a serious relationship.

Don't mention you are a virgin until afterwards. It isn't a lie, and to be honest it really isn't her business. I would also suggest you get use to the idea of casual sex, because chances are that is how all of your relationships will start, unless you find a desperate woman looking to snare a guy and control him with sex when she has nothing else to offer a man.

Wanting a relationship looks desperate, and puts more pressure on them to decide right away about a relationship with you before they are ready. You will have a lot more women interested in having a long term relationship with you if you tell them you are not looking for a long term relationship right now, than if you admit you are. I know you don't like lying. I don't either. The fact is however honesty is not always the best policy.

truthbeknown · Accepted Answer

I can remember being 19 or 20 and going to the bar with some friends that where a couple years older. We met up with two of their female friends that I had never met before. I was the total 5th wheel and not really part of the conversation. I just sat there and drank beer. But the conversation between my two guy friends, and those two women eventually turned to sex and who was fucking who. They started to laugh and make fun of this other guy they all knew from college about how he had sex with a girl they knew, but he was a virgin and she didn't get satisfied they way she wanted. The two girls started to both say, "OMG, I would never fuck a virgin!!! I want a man who can fuck the shit out of me and make me scream!!!" I will never forget that! I was sitting there, a total virgin myself, thinking "Oh god, please don't ask me anything about sex!" It was so awkward! I was very insulted about their attitude towards virgins and I just ended up leaving the table. I know this doesn't stereotype all women, thank god! But it does prove there are many out there that are looking for experience only.

But anyway, my advice is to maybe try not letting the cat out of the bag too early in meeting someone or when starting to date someone. If you let the relationship develop for a bit and she starts to have deeper feelings for you, it won't matter anymore if you are virgin or not. Chances are she will be ok with it.

Calla_Lilly · Accepted Answer

I couldn't stop shaking my head at this but this is certainly not the case for other girls, @front2back. I'll be open and honest just as you are and say that I'm a virgin too and would love to meet another man who was too. I think for a man to be a virgin these days is rare because the majority eventually get into the hookup culture (something I was never interested in and won't be, I prefer strong and healthy relationships)... they get so much flack, they do, especially from other guys.

But anyways, the girls you have been approaching make me laugh because, yes, they obviously want someone more experienced to just have sex with and that's it! No relationship whatsoever. Just sex. I mean, is that something YOU want, @front2back? You just said you weren't into casual sex (huge, HUGE kudos to you, I want to hug you) so you're approaching the wrong girls, I'm afraid. They are VERY much into casual sex and fin. Nothing more.

Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up and be hard on yourself. Easier said than done but you deserve a good and kind-hearted girl by your side who also isn't into casual sex or anything of that "nature". There are more loose girls in this world than those who aren't, unfortunately. But it is truly THEIR fault, not yours. There's not a thing about you, your decisions, that's wrong with you. Stick to your guns, darling. A mature and determined virgin man is much more attractive than an immature jerk whose been around and has "all the experience in the world", or whatever. You're bound to find someone just as like-minded as you. :) <3

xHoneyxBeex · Accepted Answer

Well, personally speaking, I wouldn't care at all if a guy was a virgin. That wouldn't affect my decision to date someone or not.

It sounds like you've just had some bad luck and have been encountering the wrong types of women for you. They must care more about sex rather than the relationship itself if your being a virgin puts them off that much to the point where they won't even give you a chance.

To me, "experience" isn't a big deal and it's not something I really care about. I'd actually venture to say I would rather have a guy with less experience, if I *had* to choose. But like I said before, whether a guy is experienced or not really has no bearing on my decision to date someone. If I like the guy as a person then I will want to date him.

Prettygurl12 · Accepted Answer

I find your virginity to be a good thing...

Anonymous · Answer

Women like guys who like experience, which ironically means he either has been getting practice by being able to do it a lot in LTR with his girlfriend, or is straight up a manwhore. If a guy is a virgin, it singles to the women subconscious brain that he is unwanted brain that she should stay away from him because other women don't like him.

Old rule of thumbs, women chase after guys other women find attractive. It's why there is such a disparity in sexual partner count of guys in college. Some men leave with over 50+ sexual partners while in college, while some exit vrigins.

This is supported further when we look at study which was done which said that 1 in 3 college girls who have had 4 or more sexual partner has an STD. Only way that's going to happen is if your all willingly getting STD's from a guy who is sticking his dick into other girls.

Then there is this article today:
cf.girlsaskguys.com/.../...f-b3cd-ec5f4faaf911.jpg

Your only saving grace might be to wait till your 30's and maybe a single mother or girl who is on biological clock and wants to find any guy she can to settle down with her to accept you and finally give you sex.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know for sure, but I think it's because people these days never seem to get out of the high school mindset where being "cool" and "edgy" is the most important thing in the world - and being a virgin isn't "cool".

Now, I'm not saying you aren't cool. Note that I put "cool" in quotes - this denotes the sarcasm I feel towards the modern obsession most people have of "edginess" for "edginess'" sake. "Cool" is society's definition of cool, AKA drink, smoke, do drugs, sleep around, be as unpleasant and confrontational as possible. If there are rules or norms or morals, break them just for the sake of going against it. It's because society sucks.

The people who are hung up on purity sound like idiots to me. We are all inherently sexual beings, by design - no matter how nice a person is. To have sex with a virgin isn't "corrupting" or "ruining" anything. Sex is natural, not some kind of horrible substance. Somehow they don't get this. Trust me, I've run across this brand of bullshit before.

It's like the Take you wrote the other day about Alpha and Beta being a false dichotomy. You're right, it is garbage. But unfortunately, most people still believe in it anyway.

As for what to do, I don't think it's too cool to lie about it, but at the same time, you don't have to bring it up if you don't want to. The only thing a person is obliged to divulge is their STD status. Everything else is none of their business.

It's best to avoid the topic unless you absolutely have to. Don't give up. Most people are shitty, but you can't give up going for what you want.

Anonymous · Answer

So, here's my story. I was in your shoes for a while until I met a girl I really liked and was perfect for me. One night we were starting to get intimate and I discovered that I was really good with my fingers and mouth, at least she said I was. She was convinced that I wasn't a virgin at that point. A week or two roll by and I continue to deny her because I'm just so nervous that I won't be able to perform well in bed. I was scared that she would leave me if I was a virgin, so one night I was finally confident and had sex. Yes, I did the "deed" that I had been so nervous about. I told her right after and she was shocked.
She said that the first time was supposed to be with someone special, and yeah she was kind of right, but I didn't care. I just wanted to lose my virginity. But luckily It didn't matter to her after that. I quickly learned and got good at it (or to her standards haha). Now 3 years later we're happily in a relationship and our sex life is amazing.
She told me that if she knew that I was a virgin when she first met me, she would've completely avoided dating me. I honestly don't care about that but I'm glad of where I am with her now. It does seem kinda wonky that girls care THAT much of whether you have experience or not.
While I lied, I'm glad I did because I would not be here with her now if I hadn't lied about my virginity. I know it goes against your morals, but in this scenario, I gave in and I'm so happy that I did.
Sorry for anonymous, but it was waay too personal.

Anonymous · Answer

Dude, I used to be so hung up on virginity. I always had this mission to lose my virginity to another virgin. I was called the "virgin hunter." I was ridiculed for my desire to lose my virginity to another virgin because I thought it would be more "special". You know what? After years of worrying about that shit and finally losing my virginity to another virgin, I realized I WASTED MY TIME AND WORRIES.

You know why? I soon realized that love is what makes sex and intimacy so great, not sex alone. Sex without love is EMPTY, whether it is with another virgin or not.

You know why virginity loss is so special for many? It is because they lost it with their first LOVE or within a deep relationship. That is what made the virginity loss special. Not the sex in itself.

First love is more special than first sex. I am more regretful of not being able to be a girl's first love than I would be if I wasn't able to take her virginity.

Dude, if I can go back in time and experience missed opportunities, I would. Time only moves forward and it is impossible to go backwards. Even Albert Einstein agreed. I can only pick up the pieces and work with what I have now.

karahiri · Answer

I think it's for the same reason that some guys will avoid dating virgin girls.

1. They think the person will get overly attached
2. They don't want to deal with the pressure of being someone's first and making sure that it goes well
3. They feel bad/guilty for having sex with someone who has clearly made consistent decisions not to have sex
4. They assume that the person is looking for something very serious and will get really hurt if it doesn't work out
5. They respect the person's "morality" and don't want to mess that up or be a source of regret

AleDeEurope · Answer

Girls don't want virgins unless they're religious. No matter what you hear online, in real life is the complete opposite. Girls want experienced guys because they want to get pleasure out of sex, and obviously with a virgin they aren't gonna have as good sex as with an experienced guy.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that, but that's how girls are, at least most of them, they're hypocritical when it comes to sex.

I've seen in GAG polls where most girls prefer virgin guys... but in real life you NEVER hear a girl say she wants a virgin, or that it doesn't matter.
Just find a girl that's worth it, and build some feelings before saying you're a virgin, therefore those feelings for you may make her look passed your virginity.

TheSavageTruth · Answer

When women hear it - they dont here " oh he's been pure " they hear " something must be wrong. he's STILL a virgin? Im having doubts here. " now granted, not every girl is like this - but most college girls aren't looking to meet a good guy to get married to right then and there.

they're looking for someone who knows what they're doing and can show them a good time. Not all girls are like this, again im not trying to generalize here and would never advocate lying especially about virginity - but you just have to realize the environment you're mostlikely in.

RJGraveyTrain · Answer

I'm going to be honest: it's a sexist biased against males.

Males are assumed and expected to be the sexual "aggressors" if you will. The ones with experience who initiate the sexual contact in most cases as women were conditioned to be more intimately passive. Mind you, not everyone adheres to every bit of these social standards that still linger in our world today, but even some of the more progressive types have a hard time dealing with the idea that a man they could be interested in has no sexual experience.

A lot of women could look at it as they're embarrassed for being experienced, or they assume that the sex may not be what they wanted or they're used to being sexually pursued by men. They also might be making preconceived judgments about you, the list goes on.

I would just say explain yourself: you're a virgin who wants a committed relationship. If they can't handle that, they're better off not being with you anyways.

justbanANNAz · Answer

that's so freaking sad -.- only thing i can think of is that many women like men with experience.
all i can tell u is just to wait out for someone who can appreciate ur virginity, not simply as 'purity' but as sacrifice, as patience, and as discipline.

CHARismatic110 · Answer

Well that certainly sucks. I'm sorry you have to keep going through that. I would think that you're much more than your virginity. Maybe you're into the wrong type of girls? Or maybe these girls feel pressure about possibly taking your virginity? I would look at it from the bright side. These girls are doing you a favor. If the fact that you're a virgin sends them running, then that means they weren't good for you anyway. The right girl will come along. Don't feel bad for being a virgin. And don't feel like you HAVE to do anything you don't want to. Hang in there bud.

Mekkalyn · Answer

I don't think you're going after the right women.
Look for women that want a relationship.
Those type of women won't care if you are a virgin or not.

I would have loved it if I had been the first and only for my fiance.

And please, for the love all that is holy, do not lie about it.
Starting a relationship on a lie is a bad choice.

Being a virgin isn't something to be ashamed of.
And honestly, I would probably bring it up very early on if I were you.
"Hey, I'm a virgin. I don't want to have casual sex."
That will weed out the girls that aren't good enough for you.

moistycakes · Answer

I know that the thought of taking another guys virginity for me is slightly terrifying. I'm afraid that I won't be able to be there in all the ways he wants because usually virgins are more connected or clingy after they have sex. However, if the build up to the actual act of sex was slower than usual I would have no problems with it. I guess I just feel like I will disappoint them. Short answer: If I like them and want to date them I have no problem. If I'm looking for something more on the casual side, no way.
Don't lie about it, I lied about mine and still haven't told him. No good. You'll find a girl soon that's worth your time :)

Vicentia · Answer

Honestly I think you just have to be patient, you're only 19 and I'm guessing most girls you "date " are younger than you. And teenage girls tend to be in that fase where they're mostly experimenting. It rarely happens that a teenage girl is down to settle for a serious relationship like that. I think it's great that you are, I just think you might have to wait to find a girl that's mature enough for a committed relationship like that. And I know you might've heard it hundreds of times but time is worthwhile,, so all I can say is be patient. ✌

Deandra18 · Answer

I'm sorry but I didn't read the whole thing. Look, being a virgin has nothing to do with this. If they wanted to stick around, they would no matter what. No questions asked. The only reason they aren't sticking around is because they don't want to. I honestly don't know what they mean by "you're too pure for me". I would be happy to have someone pure with me. Unless and until I have low self esteem and think that I don't deserve that. Either way, it's not meant to be. Move on and find a girl who has a good sense of judgement and no issues that you'll have to deal with. Unless and until of course they are actually problematic and you like her enough.

Transigence · Answer

The real reason is that women rely on social proof more than their own observations and conclusions. You being a virgin basically means that you've been rejected by the "body female. (all women)" If nobody will have you, that must mean there's something wrong with you.

You need to start lying about being a virgin.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not sure if anyone answered this question the way I'm about to but here goes: as far as I can tell people want other desirable people. If you're a male virgin the implication is that you couldn't get laid, the assumption being all guys go after sex if they can get it.

If and when the topic comes up make it clear that it is by choice, as I hope it is. Also, confidence goes a long way with girls, from my experience. Lastly, if the girls you're around have such a problem with guys not sleeping around then you might want to expand your circle.

hquinn_ · Answer

Probably because a lot of females do not like some one is inexperienced. Typically, when someone has sex for the first time they can get really attached. And a lot of girls do not like all that kind of attention. It really shouldn't matter if someone is a virgin or not, or maybe they've jumped on the 50 Shades of Grey train.

CuCopper · Answer

They are afraid of you becoming super attached emotionally after you bone out. My opinion would be NOT to tell them you are a virgin. Why do they need to know this? Are you waiting for marriage to have sex? If you want to be with one of these girls, play it cool. Watch a couple adult films to get the idea if you're not sure what to do, and then when the magical day comes, BOOM just slide it into the top hole.. the bottom hole will get ya slapped (assuming she's lying on her back). First time stage fright is common, so take your time and play with her more the first time. Make her crazy. Don't be ashamed about being a virgin, but if this has happens 5 times already, I would be like "wtf? I'm not going to say anything anymore". Don't! Girls are all nuts bro...
And you only have to do the deed once and you will NEVER forget how to do it or how good it feels. Just sayin.

Lolomon · Answer

A guy being a. Virgin intrigues me. it takes a lot of self control. And will power not to give into urges. went to college with a guy who was smoking hot and looked like a model, not religious but chose to keep his virginity for marriage and that only made him hotter.

Fattuesdayz · Answer

Its admirable you're a virgin and willing to accept and admit it to women.
But if they can't appreciate that or don't feel deserving of you, then you just have to understand that the right girl, or girls, will appreciate that.
Don't be discouraged, these have all been girls you don't need to let affect your confidence.
The right girl will respond positive to you being a virgin.

GirlScout · Answer

I won't lie, it would really put me off. I actually asked a question a little while ago about turning down virgin men.

The most common reason, and certainly why I would refuse, is that they are not sure that they want the relationship to be serious and they do not want to be your first and then leave you.

Lisazm · Answer

The women "girls" of you're age do this like they're perfect in sex !! Those girls dont have idea of someone mew to try like you because they're young but belive me i would stole your "purity" in seconds. The older we are we want purity. Find someone older than you.!! That's my answer

CapricornSwagL · Answer

A guy being a virgin is definitely a good thing (to me). I don't know why those wemon see it as a bad thing. I'm a virgin too and I hate it but would definitely admire another person for being one.

I don't know if this helps you but... I heard when guys start having sex they love it too much that that'll want more girls and more experiences. I'm not sure if you're that way but I heard that and knew a few guys that became that

ElissaDido · Answer

I really don't understand why people are being shamed for being virgin... You're 19 for god's sake? It's sad to see that men are only being valued for such trivial things...

imanf7 · Answer

they don't deserve you and they only want sex nothing more , so its better that you didn't waste anymore energy or emotions with them.  you will find a decent girl who want a relationship not just sex

Cryostatic · Answer

So just don't bring it up. I'm sure you've seen porn, you know where to put your dick when the time comes. Don't let your virginity be a factor, it's nobody's business but yours.

SarahsSummer · Answer

Maybe if you've proclaimed you are going to remain a virgin, they don't see a romantic relationship with you as an option and don't want to waste anyone's time. Romance=sex. Maybe you should seek out other proclaimed virgins.

thatkaruguy · Answer

rule number one of dating women... never tell them you're a virgin. you might see a bunch on here say its ok to be one but in their mind its not when it directly effects them.

being a virgin turns them off as equally fast as being nice.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Wow man that's messed up, I'm a virgin myself and it has never been an issue personally I say keep being who you are, virginity and all a good girl will come along one of these day's who will appreciate that aspect of you.

Eric644 · Answer

just lose your virginity, it isn't a prize, it is something to be descarded, that is just religion trying to make it a positive thing. You could also lie to the woman and you could eventually lose it the way you want it (in a relationship).

apple24 · Answer

Awe I would never turn a guy if he wasn't experience! You really need better ways to meet a girl! The girls would love a guy like you.

throwit · Answer

They were probably just looking for a hook up and don't want that responsibility. And they probably figure a guy whose never had sex won't last long and won't know what to do to make it good for her.

RachelBrigs · Answer

I think a lot of people are afraid of being with a virgin bc if the relationship goes wrong you'll regret losing it to them or they don't think they're worth your virginity

Alexismk · Answer

I dont know the details but it kind of sounds like you are throwing it out there too soon. If a guy started talking about sex to soon it would definitely put me off. Maybe thats just an easy excuse.

Anonymous · Answer

The real issue isn't your virginity, it's that they think you like them more than they like you. They are thinking they're going to upset you or break your heart - especially as it seems you are ready to commit right away.

Anonymous · Answer

Lack of experience, awkwardness, taking too short, "loser" type... Ladies usually like a guy who knows what he's doing and is confident.

ClassicRocker · Answer

Stop telling people that... Then you won't have to lie anymore after the first time.

Anonymous · Answer

Why do some virgins shun people who aren't virgins before marriage as impure people who are totally misguided? TBH I'll never know the answer to either but it's the same thing I guess...

annoyymouse · Answer

So you tell them that you're not looking for a casual thing and that you're a virgin? It kind of sounds like a line guys would say to appear less intimidating.

miserybusiness · Answer

Worried you might get emotionally attached to them.  Which is weird, because I thought this only applied to women.

Anonymous · Answer

Well unless you want to be a virgin your whole life either find someone that doesn't ask or lie... Think of it this way. You only have to lie once then you never have to lie about not being a virgin ever again.

verticallyinsecure · Answer

wtf man, i was gonna say "ur probably an ugly mofer and thats their excuse" but u seem alright looking, well, western girls are dumbfucks lol

Anonymous · Answer

Avoid the topic. Seriously. Play it off with non-answers. Divert, deflect. And start learning how the world actually works.

psychomonkey · Answer

They are kinda judgmental and shit. Yeah they automatically think there's something wrong with you

Sabretooth · Answer

hm... so the bible only instill fears, huh? from where i'm sitting most are fearful regardless, case in point.

Yanoa_Yanza · Answer

they don't really seem to love you... forget about them, find yourself a lady who accepts you

TheDevilsAdvocate · Answer

Then say you are not a virgin, you only have to lie to one. hehe

Anonymous · Answer

Next time, just lie. Seriously.

KBob93 · Answer

You might be going for the wrong girls.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe from now on, keep your V-card a secret

Why do women keep rejecting me for being a virgin?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do girls hate me when they find out I'm a virgin?

Why do women keep rejecting me for being a virgin?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do girls hate me when they find out I'm a virgin?

We're glad to see you liked this post.