Why don't girls like fat guys? Is there a way to be attractive?

Question

I'm fat, it's not like I enjoy being fat, but every time I try to have a relationship with a girl, they tell me that, "You are a really great guy, but you are just to big for me to like". What is it not to like? I'm a very respectful person, I'm smart, I'm funny, and I'm an artist. Why do no girls feel I am suitable for a serious relationship? I have wondered if it was a matter of sexuality, and the stereotype, "fat guys have small penises", but the girls I like are no where near shallow enough to base a person on something like that, and one of them even asked to see if it was true (it is not true by the way). I can "operate" well in bed, so I just don't get it. I have also been striving to lose weight as well. I sprint on an elliptical trainer for 2 hours a day 7 days a week, I count my calorie intake, and I bench press 250 (5 reps and 2 sets). Despite all this my weight and size have remained only slightly changed.

What I am really trying to ask is why girls don't feel I am capable of a serious relationship and is there a way I can be more appealing.

Thanks

Badasti · Accepted Answer

As crap as it sounds nobody can have a relationship with someone they are not attracted to. There are girls I turn down because I am not physically attracted to them. It's not that I think they are bad people or that I don't want any of them near me. I'm happy to be friends with them but attraction plays a part. It's like a gay dude asking you what's wrong with him why won't you date him? Well he's not your cup of tea. In either case even when you're in shape its not like all girls are gonna be interested dude. I've been shot down more times than I can count, only once in a very long while does it work out. Unless I end up drunk and have a one night stand which I don't enjoy anyway.

So anywho I weighed 90KG 3 months ago, I weight 77 today. 2 Years ago I weighed 74KG and you could see my top 4 abs. I made a choice to get into shape and make life easier. Make life easier it does. I can help you with that. Firstly don't train more than an hour a day. Second eat 6 meals regularly throughout the day. Small meals, this will kick your metabolism into overdrive. Finally at the gym jog for a reasonable period of time 1 or 2 days a week. You need to build muscle to replace the fat aswell so endless cardio is not the ideal answer. Do 4 days weight training from legs to shoulders. Instead of doing 250 pounds of 5 reps at 2 sets I challenge you to do 50 pounds at 12 slow reps and 3 sets. By slow I mean 2 seconds up and 3 seconds down. You also need to do 2 more exercises. Work on 3 per muscle group, you can do incline dumbell press and dumbell flys. Peck deck is great too. Just don't work out for more than an hour. Fibre is good, good fats are good too, they slow down the insulin released when your food digests so a small hand full of almonds per main meal will do wonders.

*So ask around at the gym. 1 session of training properly is worth 3 sessions of training badly.

*Only train 5 days a week, you can do 6 but that is more for athletes and people without day jobs.

*3 exercises per muscle group

*As an example you an use my routine: Chest + Shoulders Monday / Back + Biceps Tuesday / Weds off / Legs + Triceps Thursday / Cardio Friday. Then I can train an extra day on the weekend if I want.

*3 sets of 12 reps per exercise

Here's the dieting bible. A quick fix will do nothing for you my friend.

link

I wish you luck man. It's not that people are shallow but we all have our hopes and dreams and above all the right to be happy. You don't have to be lean to find a girl, you don't even need to gym, you just need to wait to find the right girl which could take longer. The choice is yours. Above all something that I live by is I can't respect a partner who can't respect themselves. If I expect her to be in good shape I should be aswell. That's just me. Enjoy =)

bobair · Accepted Answer

Jesus, you sound like an athlete!

Take it from me (I've been fat and thin, and now I'm in the middle again) ..

Mature women don't care about how big or fat you are. They ONLY care about how they feel when they're with you.

Take a moment and REALLY think about this.

If you're a fat slob who will embarrass her in public, she'll feel like avoiding you.

If you're a "big" man who's charismatic, confident, and well liked by others, she'll feel safe, protected, and taken care of.

So if you're big, OWN it. When you project that you're comfortable in your own skin, it makes everyone else around you comfortable. It's amazing.

This requires you to understand how to dress comfortably for your size (Don't wear baggy crap cause you're trying to hide yourself, this projects insecurity), understand the fashions, ALWAYS smell good, and walk with pride and good nature.

Big guys can be intimidating, so smile, be engaging with everyone, and be fun when you're with your girl.

If you're boring or lazy you'll lose the girl just like any dude with a six pack or a Porsche.

Remember... it's not your size, it's your personality.

If girls are rejecting you, it's not your size. It's some other factor. Don't continue to make this easy mistake.

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

16switches · Accepted Answer

You may be looking at the wrong sort of girls for affection. In my case at least, I'd rather date a guy who was a bit bigger than a bag of bones. seriously, I have had crushes on skinny guys, and it sucks because I feel like I am bigger than him even though I'm only 114 lbs. It's ridiculous.

But, honestly, I think its easier for bigger guys to find a partner, than bigger girls. Guys can be funny, charming, good conversationalists, and good dressers for women to consider them for partnership, but women are judged based, overwhelmingly on looks. It's not fair, but I think your lucky to be a man. Take advantage of it, not all women are shallow. Women look for that emotional connection with a man, while a man looks for someone who is visually appealing. If she enjoys your company, and you guys like being around each other, nothing will stop her from wanting to take things to the next level.

My final word of advice would be, to keep on your diet and exercise, take care of yourself physically, get a professional hair cut, maintain grooming habits, and eat healthy! ooh and don't forget CONFIDENCE.

poshposh · Accepted Answer

I like big guys and there're a lots of girls that like them too, the problem is the media brainwashes society with a beauty standard for men (tall, musculated, etc) and another extremely more demanding for women (Victoria's Secret's model physical appearance). I only know 2 girls who have admited to like big guys. The think is that most of the time I can't admit freely that I like big guys (overweight or obese), because some of my friends would laugh at me or even don't believe me (I'm thin like a stick) and that's so sad. Being genetically bigger shouldn't be a problem for being accepted nor for finding a couple, but society makes it difficult with its ridiculous beauty standards.

HOW CAN YOU BE MORE ATTRACTIVE: I've read and seen that a lots of metal head girls like big guys. So If you aren't already a metal fan you could let your hair grow really long and introduce yourself to the metal world and start getting its appearance and taste. It will take time to get enough metal culture, but once you achieve it I think you'll have a lot's of more possibilities.
I hope it helps :)

beenkissed · Accepted Answer

There are so many stereotypes in the world today and it is extremely hard to not be put in one of these boxes. I'm sure you really are a fantastic guy with an amazing personality to match but a lot of women these days - including myself - are extremely shallow and don't pay attention to the goodness on the inside and can only look at the outer appearance. Some of the nicest guys in my life are the ones with a little bit more weight on them, one of them in particular is one that I would trust the most, I'm not attracted to him but he has a lovely fiancee. I don't think weight sould be a problem all the time. I find a guy most attractive through his personality - I like him to make me laugh -  the way he grooms himself is something that I take into mind and I like a nice smelling one too - so no body odour. Just look after yourself and be confident. It sucks that weight is an issue, being a girl I have struggled with it in the past but now I see myself differently and I think that is really important.

Anonymous · Answer

Don't worry man, I just saw this fat slobby dude with a really cute red head at the grocery store. Most women don't know this but when other people see you with a fat slobby guy we just chalk it up as you having low self-esteem or an incurable STD. The thought that the fat slobby guy might have money comes as the last thought. To me, it just looks totally gross and just makes me wonder what kind of point are you trying to prove to the world. So you're dating someone who doesn't respect themselves enough to take care of their body weight. It's not shallow to not like someone because of their weight. It's just common sense.  Fat people play the shallow card all the time, because that's their only weapon. They aim that at any hot girl who is sympathetic just like this guy is with his sob story blog. Women that fall for this are victims of what I like to call "Beauty and the PIG Syndrome"  Most obese people die in their 40s to 50s. Why would you want to put yourself through that? Or your kids through that for that matter? Is not the fat guy who wants the hot girl not shallow for not wanting a FAT girl? It's not that hard to turn the tables around and see the truth for what it is. Fat guys that want a hot girl are the most shallow people there are.  I use to be FAT and there was this girl I really liked who was hot. I liked her so much I lost 80 lbs in 16 months.  But once I got in shape I got a lot more attention from other girls and totally forgot about her. You know why? Because she never paid me any attention in the first place. I'd love to see a hot girl who is dating a fat guy to gain just as much weight at the fat guy and see if the fat guy gives you the attention he use to give you when you were slim and trim. You know the answer.  I really feel bad for chicks whose hearts and feelings get play by these fat f***s. If he really liked you, he'd lose some weight and get healthier.

ThisLyingWorld · Answer

Good afternoon mate. As a former fat guy, I can relate to exactly how you are feeling here.

You don't specify how big you are in your question, but I'm guessing that if girls are saying the things that you mentioned in the question, then it is noticeable. I myself weighed 240 pounds around 18 months ago, and at 5'9" tall that is pretty big, and as I would expect, girls would be happy to be mates, but wouldn't think of me in any other way. So I took it upon myself to change.

I hit the gym hard (110% cardio, no weight training) and cut my calorie intake drastically, no saturated fats etc, low carbs (but not cutting them out altogether), and I worked properly hard, and for the last 6 months I have been sitting at around 154 pounds.

Let me tell you man, that makes all the difference as far as the ladies go. For all that we may call them "shallow" or whatever, they can only like what they like, and whilst I'm not telling you to lose weight, I'm saying that even just shifting that little bit can help to assist the girls in seeing how great you are.

2010atitagain · Answer

You count your calorie intake but what are you eating?

The reasons some guys don't like overweight girls is the same reason some girls don't like overweight guys.

Well, at least you're trying...I'm not sure what your weight is but give it a good 6 months before you worry about results.

You can be more *appealing* by making sure you wear clothes that are your size or bigger so you don't look *uncomfortable*.

I knew a guy who was overweight (and tall) but he always looked *good*.

You could tell he put an effort; clean, ironed clothes, smelled nice.

It's not about looking expensive, he probably got his brand name shirts at discount stores but he just looked *nice*.

He was also very friendly and funny. That's always a good thing.

People associate obesity with laziness and that's a turnoff. So, just don't come off as *lazy*.

cherrykitty · Answer

Well, I like my men to be "bigger then me" and I am deep girl too, like I look at the guys mind before his waist line. Because you can always lose weight, but you can not gain a personality.

I'm right now with a guy who is almost 100 lbs heavier then me and I did not notice till he told me. and I although I am worried about his health now, I would not dump him.

I did dump one guy, he was like 6'2 and 360 lbs and he was so small he could not have sex ... not kiddin. but I dump him because he was just too creepy for me.

But You will find a girl who will look at your heart and soul and fall for you. Because I know when I am 45 and had 2 kids, I am not gonna be 180 lbs, size 13. ( I have wide hips, I could fit in to a size 9 for my waist) Because I know for my family woman get fat as cows, so if I dated a guy who only wanted me when I was thin, then he would not want me later in life.

so a chick dumping you because your " too big" Is one shallow Bitch, in my opinion.

Eddielou · Answer

Physical attraction plays a big part in a relationship. But it doesn't necessarily mean just your weight. How a person dresses is huge. I don't care how hot a guy is, if he's wearing sketchers I can not be attracted to them. You say you're an artist, so just think of your wardrobe as a piece of art that expresses you. No a t shirt and jeans will not do. Especially not saggy jeans, or a shirt that is to large or to small. A good hair cut is also key. Have a mini makeover but make sure to have fun with it!

eurynmous · Answer

This goes for any guy, not just you. You can improve your success with the ladies by 200% tomorrow by improving your fashion sense. Now, I'm not telling you to go spend $600 on designer clothes, I'm telling you to improve your fashion sense. Take a look at your favorite big rappers or movie stars and look at what they are wearing. Check out askmen.com and check our their fashion tips section for big guys. Go look through some GQ magazines. Find something that suits your personality and start building a few outfits from there.

Shoes, accessories (watch, rings, necklace, tie, or hat but no more than 2 at anytime), and layers are generally a good start.

I promise you man, less than 10% of the guys out there really know about fashion. If you can become one of the 10%, women will come to you and compliment you.

miaevt · Answer

Some people just don't find fat people attractive. This happens a lot to fat girls too who can't get a guy because guys seem to go for the thinner girls. Do you have a tendency to go after the same type of girls? Do you only pursue thin girls? It is possible that the girls you date aren't the only shallow ones if you do the same thing and overlook fat girls. It is all a matter of attraction. You can either keep working to lose weight or accept it and find a girl who likes you for who you are and doesn't care about your size.

Anonymous · Answer

Are you attracted to overweight girls? I have been surprised that a certain amount of overweight guys are not attracted to their female counterparts. The point is that we all have things that float our boat and you need to keep dating until you find a girl that thinks you are great the way you are.

I would also add that women like men who can make things happen in general. They want that sensation that in some way the guy they are with is strong and masculine and a can-do guy. If you cannot even control your weight, they may see you as less than capable. Go to a doctor, get some help, improve your understanding of nutrition, eat smaller portions, learn what foods you do not need. There is no reason for you to stay overweight.

xohxomeg · Answer

not all girls are like this.. it depends on the girl.. but there definitely needs to be some kind of physical attraction & some girls aren't interested in bigger guys.. but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. if you're the things you say you are.. funny & smart.. then you'll meet someone that will like you for you.. & when it comes down to it.. that's what you want.. you don't want someone liking you based off looks only. if you want to change it should be for yourself not anyone else.. never change for anyone but yourself.

HotPepper302 · Answer

I don't think that it's necessarily a matter of not liking you -- it's probably more that they like other guys better. Especially girls who are athletic or into sports... They want to be with someone who shares their passions. On the other hand, I know a couple of girls who think that chubby guys are really cute, and have also told me that a bit of pudge on their man makes THEM feel less insecure about themselves, because then they don't feel the need to be perfect all the time. But I think you're on the right track. Respect yourself, be healthy, and work on developing those features that make you such a great person! Hope this helps :)

superdudeman · Answer

I guarantee you they are using your weight as an excuse not to date you.

The majority of women are not like men when it comes to external appearances.

Women usually don't know why they like a guy, instead they have a feeling and then they rationalize it with the knowledge given to them by media.

I must like him because he's hot, or because he's got money, etc.

When really the truth of the matter is that she likes him because of the way he makes her feel.

People rationalize their emotions all the time.

Emotions come first, then the rationalization comes second.

Sometimes your right, sometimes your not.

Most of the time, women are wrong when it comes to explaining why they like a guy or why not.

Something else about you is making them not want a serious relationship. I'm betting one of the reasons is the fact that you have a hangup about your weight.

Typically if you don't see a problem with your weight, neither will the woman.

That's just the way it works.

Anikaj · Answer

The funny thing is we get on this website where we act crazy as all hell to answer and ask questions when in reality every person is diff. Just  because a hot chick on here says she isn't that hype on big guys there are a lot of women that are. I've heard girls say they don't like bone thin girls or women with no curves. No lie I was in the store the other day and saw a couple big dudes with sum good lookin girls. Of course we all should work out so we don't die and we keep healthy but at the same time keep doin what ur doin but do it for yourself also

sexiicryss · Answer

not to be full of myself or anything but I'm pretty damn hot (half the time that's the first thing people say to me) and my boyfriends chubby. at first I know this is kind of shallow but I met him at the club drunk and got his number. Seen him sober and was like wtf... he wasn't ugly but he is chubby. but he had this sexy swag to himself, and that I don't need you personality. Just don't at like you want her. play hard to get. make her think that you can pull females regardless of you weight and you are not stressing her. Girls and guys like the chase. Human nature

Holasenor · Answer

Becuase on a physical attraction level girls want their man to look strong, caring and somebody who can look after them and provide for them (much to my feminist dismay) just like how stereotypy guys want their girls to have a good hip to waist proportion, caring and good baby makers!

I'm attracted to very muscular men! But I have fantasy's about 'fat guys' lol so who knows I LOVE nerdy so if your a nerd I'd love you :-)

Just keep getting fitter! I'm very skinny so I don't want somebody to crush me :\ Also on some level I'd like a fatter man becuase he'd be eating all the time and when I'm alone I forget to eat lol so it's helpful if there's food around around becuase I'm like Oh yeahh I'm Hungary!

Good luck and chin up big fella! x

Anonymous · Answer

How much do you weigh, and how did you get that big to start with. I have a beer gut and it drives me crazy, I'm barely over weight, and I get so much sh*t from everyone saying I am fat. That right there is motivation for me to start p90x or at least hit the gym. If you lose the weight not only will you feel better about yourself, you will also see that women will start to notice you more.

The reason why you can't get a chick is because many people think that being fat means your lazy, simple as that. Plus a chick sees a fat guy and think nope he as bad genes, she doesn't want her kids to be fat so they pass over the fat guys and look for someone either average or little over weight. You may work out, but it's not just about working out, as much as I love cheese burgers and beer, you gotta cut back on the fast food and junk food.

Anonymous · Answer

a. don't change your appearance for anyone but yourself!

if your happy with who you are, why should you change to please anyone?

in todays society everything is too based on fitting a "mold"

a mold we created ourselves, in real life no one looks like barbie or ken

and b. I have a friend whos actually very attractive. and guess what!? she has a fetish for guys that are overweight. to her she finds it incredibly attractive!

so the real advice iv got for you is hold in there, you will find a girl who will like you for you!

you don't have to change your appearance for you to find that girl

girlwithnousername · Answer

Women are biologically wired to be attracted to men with smaller waistlines. It's actually a chemical phenomenon. In the hunter-gatherer era, a small waistline meant a strong man who could bring her meat and protect her young. These days, this is manifested in shallow women who want hunky arm candy to impress their friends.

HOWEVER, you don't sound like some weakling or anyone with low self-esteem. Any smart girl who sees how great you are won't write you off because of your size. Personally I think big guys are cute, their size feels protective and they're nice to cuddle with :)

20Katerina · Answer

I like my teddy bear type guys I love them so you seem perfect to me. You have a great personality. I hate it when people judge by weight to. Not all girls judge that way. Really I don't judge. I would date you. So love yourself don't let girls bring you down. Please don't change yourself for others either.

Good Luck Hugs..

Alohabella · Answer

i actually kinda had a crush on one of my class mate last summer he was chubby no ok! he was fat  lol but hey I liked him  because he was so sweet and nice didn't hit on me at all its just how he acted around everyone. His laugh is sincere and he's polite. So dun listen to those who make fun of you and stuff. you sound great so be yourself and you will find the one. Good luck!

AnarchyBytchcraft · Answer

I think you sound awesome! Personally, I like a bigger guy as I am a built girl. Its hard for a guy when I can bench more than he can! hah You're working on yourself and that's a great start. I firmly believe things happen for a reason. The right girl will come along and things will just naturally unfold as they should. Keep your head up! :) and good luck! Send me a message sometime.

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