I hurt my girlfriend by accident, help?

[Anonymous]

We were having an argument so I pushed her out of the way, she fell to the ground and bruised a good chunk of her leg. I didn't mean for her to fall or get hurt. It just happened by accident.

What do i do?

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I'm 17 by the way and so is she.

[RJGraveyTrain]

Okay, no.

It didn't "happen by accident", you physically put your hands on her, shoved her, and were the direct result of her injury. Understand that now and understand that well because if she decided to tell somebody, as a man, you'd be FUCKED.

I don't care how mad you get, unless your life is in danger don't put your hands on a woman. Not because "men shouldn't hit women ever blah blah blah" but plain and simple: 1) Hitting or shoving is assault and not how to properly handle your anger, and 2) You, as a man, will receive a lot harsher judgment and treatment for putting your hands on a girl.

You either need to seek some counseling or smarten the fuck up. No shoving, no hitting - fuck don't even pinch her - if you're mad, get up and leave. If she instigates the shit you have to break up with her to avoid things going sideways. Period.

[Asker]

Okay, sorry.

[ItsMe_Unfortunately]

I dont know... If a girl where to do that to a guy when she was angry, would it seem as bad?

He didn't seem to want to hurt her. Sure he knew he was pushing her out of the way, but I've done that plenty of times to my brother and hurt him plenty of times. he's done it to me too. Then we apologise and get over it. You make it seem like he was abusing her or something. He obviously felt bad enough to ask strangers for advice on what to do.

[RJGraveyTrain]

@ItsMe_Unfortunately Yes, it'd still seem bad. I don't believe that gender dictates whether or not that stuff is okay, unfortunately for men however they do have that social biased where it seems worse if he does it than if she does. I don't agree with the concept whatsoever but unfortunately, it's the truth.

[RJGraveyTrain]

@ItsMe_Unfortunately Also, I never stated he abused her and I'm sure his intention wasn't to hurt her, but plain and simple when you use force against somebody no one is going to care much for what your intentions were. Especially in a gender biased society. Not to mention, even though I'm sure he has no intention to abuse her, but it'd be complete denial to say that most abuse doesn't begin with simple acts like shoving - followed often by claims that it was "unintentional" or "not their fault." Which is why I address these issues so harshly. It's all in all to benefit and protect him, whist making sure it doesn't turn into a game of excuses either where this behavior continues.

[Asker]

Yeha, i get it

[RJGraveyTrain]

Glad to hear it, and good luck to you asker.

[dogsandyoga]

Because it was an accident (and I'm assuming a first-time/one-off incident) I don't think its that big of a deal. Forget about whatever it is you were arguing over, make sure she's ok and apologise. Help her put some ice on the bruise. Take care of her. Make sure she knows it was an accident and you would never intentionally hurt her. Next time you're arguing, try not to push her :)

[jacksbabe]

cause my boyfriend kicks me and punches me all the time and leaves bruses but he doesn't mean to. he just is really mad at the time.

[Sonjita]

Damn, a guy once told me (just told me) in anger he'd beat me up and I dumped him immediately, no apologies helped. And you really physically hurt her. If I were her, there's no way I'd take you back.
What was the argument about and what happened later?

[independentman]

I know the feeling you hurt the other one because you failed to defend verbally so you pushed her, you lost man. I know it hurts but you lost now futher on I want you to take her to hospital or doctor and help with everything needed like medicametation and support.
Second ask for apologize, when you do that avoid blaming her for anything, tell you get mad because you ouldn't win the argument and you get stressed out that you don't seem to understand other oppinion and you feel so dumb that none of you're sayings are taked out seriusly.
Third thing to improve your reaction is to meditate and also spend some time alone to recharge your batteries if you're an reative person. Good luck!

[BasicFlake]

That is the risk that comes with getting physical when you lose your temper. There is no need for that and no excuse for it. You need to learn to control yourself.

[IHateLife]

I bet you'd be saying "you go girl" if the roles were reversed.

[BasicFlake]

@IHateLife No, if I ever said "You go girl" I'd have to push myself out of a window. I do not believe in physical manifestations of aggression in relationships and that is the case for very good reasons. It is unacceptable for either partner to lay hands on the other in anger. There is no need for it. If you can't win an argument with reason then admit defeat or walk away. Resorting to physicality is a definite sign that you have lost, both the argument and your self control.

[tinkerfail]

@basicflake amen

[DarthLadyKiller]

You were wrong to push her. Go find her, say you are so sorry and you feel so incredibly terrible, you do not ever want to hurt her and that it makes you feel sick inside thinking about it and you just have to apologise and ask her forgiveness and you understand if she does not want to be wwith you anymore. Grovel.

[zafina]

If she is naive, she'll ignore all that happened and forgive you but if she is wise you'll be her ex. What you did was rude, disrespectful and immature. Apologize to her and if she ever takes you back treat her well and control your anger and temper.

[daydream88]

start kissing the ground she walks on. cause you are in some serious trouble.

[Asker]

But i didn't mean to

[IHateLife]

It doesn't matter. She has all the power. I'd tell your parents and talk with a lawyer. Once she starts telling her friends they're gonna pressure her into getting the police involved. End the relationship and all contact with her. Save every text and email you get from her and speak to an attorney. She can ruin your life before it even begins.

[Anonymous]

You get her parents and your parents together to decide on a suitable punishment for you. You need therapy to help you learn how to de-escalate, and deal with your anger more sensibly.

[1truekhaleesi]

How do you accidentally push someone?

[Asker]

Well i pushed her on purpose but i didn't want to hurt her

[1truekhaleesi]

Clearly you did mean to hurt her or you just weren't thinking of her safety. If she is dumb enough to give you another chance, seek anger management classes. Or break up, which is so much easier.

[Asker]

Why would i break up with her

[1truekhaleesi]

Wowww is it too much to seek anger management classes? I think that answers it. Because she deserves someone sho doesn't push her around and treats her with respect.

[Asker]

But i don't need anger management classes at all and i do respect her, i wouldn't do it again

[1truekhaleesi]

Then why did you push her? Do you enjoy rough up your girlfriend? Because I imagined you pushed her because you were mad about something stupid and needed to take it out on someone. If you did it once and you refuse to admit you have a problem, then I guarantee you will do it again.

[1truekhaleesi]

Why do you think I care how old the two of you are? Anyways she would be very dumb if she stayed with you. This is how every abusive relationship starts. One of them gets mad about something and reacts violently. They apologize and say it won't happen again. But it does and it gets worse. I should know. My cousin was murdered by her boyfriend. At thr very least, you need to admit you have a problem and seek help. Duhhh? Anger management classes. If you can't do that, then let her go. Hopefully this realistic advice won't make you punch a wall.

[Asker]

But i'm sorry for what i did, i'm not a violent person

[1truekhaleesi]

If you're not a violent person, then you wouldn't have pushed your girlfriend.

[JadeTea]

dear God help that boy. he'll need it. @1truekhaleesi he won't understand as well here I'd just give up and drop the topic.

[Asker]

I'm not a violent person though, it's the first time i\ve done something like this and i keep thinking about it, i'm not trying to excuse my actions

[1truekhaleesi]

@JadeTea I think you're right. I just hope his girlfriend has the sense to leave him, but if she doesn't I hope she's okay. Apparently he doesn't care about his girlfriend enough to admit he needs help. By the way asker, there's lots of things I didn't mean to do but I still take responsibility for it. This morning I was almost late to my class because I was in the wrong lane. I admitted I was wrong and decided to learn more about how my GPS works so it doesn't happen again. And yes, if you don't get help, it will happen again.

[JadeTea]

that's fine. I understand. I'm not violent either but I got str for slapping someone with a notebook and a pencil. he just got too close but I didn't on purpose because he was being rude to me which was unnecessary. just make sure it doesn't happen again and comfort and support her and just be nice.

[IHateLife]

He's trying to walk away from the situation and she blocks his path so he moves her out of his way.

[Asker]

@IHateLife No i didn't, i deliberately went past her

[1truekhaleesi]

Use your brain for something other than a hat holder. Yes you are trying to excuse your actions. If you weren't, you would admit you made a major mistake and signed up for anger management classes to guarantee it never happens. But apparently your dignity means to you than your girlfriend.

[JadeTea]

You feel constantly frustrated and angry no matter what you try. Your temper causes problems at work or in your relationships. You avoid new events and people because you feel like you can't control your temper. You have gotten in trouble with the law due to your anger. here this will probably help.

[Asker]

Okay i'll go to anger management classes then, i don't even have it though but if it means she'll stay with me then i'll do it

[JadeTea]

does this actually happen to you is that what u're saying?

[1truekhaleesi]

The first step to getting better is admitting you have a problem. You can't get anything done if you don't admit you have a problem. You're still at square 0, if you haven't noticed. Just like how drug addicts never get better by never admitting they have problems.

[ItsMe_Unfortunately]

Um, apologize and hope she forgives you

[Fk7676]

start treating her like a queen

[Anonymous]

apologise her and do something to heal that wound.

[Viranda]

That doesn't sound like an accident.

[Anonymous]

Just don't do it again.

[Anonymous]

well did you apologize?