There is this girl I'm head over heels for, we'll call her K. K and I have been friends since middle school and we talk a bit still. I'm completely head over heels for her and have been for around a year or so, and she has said multiple times before that I'm an amazing sweet guy and pretty attractive. But both times I've asked her out, about 3 months apart from each other, she said she wasn't ready for a relationship and to see what the future holds. Obviously I respect her decision and wishes completely but the problem is that she's dated other guys in the meantime, and never told me about them. She likes me as a friend, I know that, but what's going on with the whole relationship thing? I need some second opinions. I'm thinking about moving on but I'm so into her...
She says I'm an amazing guy but rejects me and dates other guys. See below for details?
What the fuck are you doing? Pump the breaks kid. Stop putting her on a pedestal and claiming she's perfect. She's not. She's even admitted as much and from reading that mass of text, I can even tell she's not. I can also tell she's not interested in you and repeated that shit multiple times only for your love-drunk ass to ignore it and proceed to shoot yourself more times in the foot. She's not fucking interested and telling her repeatedly how you feel won't change shit. At this point I'm wondering if she evens wants to be friends with you the way you seem to be incapable of talking about anything else but your feelings for her. My advice: forget the hoe. Focus on other girls, can the relationship and oh you're so perfect shit until you're actually in a relationship. Just ask girls out casually keeping how you feel locked away to never see the light of day. That way you're not smothering them with your needy romantic shit like you clearly did with this one hussy. Full stop, if you canned the touchy feely shit and asked her to hang out then got physical, you'd probably be balls deep inside her instead of being balls deep inside her purse. Just something to keep in mind with other girls going forward.
I asked for your opinion, not a beration, lecture, and attempted humiliation. Perhaps consider in the future the strength of your words and rethink your approach on opinion giving? I could technically dismiss your opinion as irrelevant because of how emotional you were and deduce that you're speaking from past experience, which isn't always the best place for information. As for not being able to talk about anything other than my feelings for her? Seriously? Do you think the only conversations I've had with her over 5 years have been what I felt for her? Really? I would've considered your opinions and advice and responded politely if you came at me with respect and politeness, but instead you disrespected both me and my friend and was extremely rude.
I ve been right were you are and I wasted years hoping she would return the feeling I had for her but she dint, it's best of you can move on, the problem is she sees people like us as nice guys and nice guys finish last, don't waste any more time dude, you'll find another girl who is better. Good luck and stay strong, and don't be too nice, thats where I went wrong, stop being nice and stop agreeing with everything.
Those are my thoughts as well. It's just hard to convince myself that because I have such strong feelings. But I'm going to try and move on. Thanks for the input man.
Hey dude, wanted to help you a bit. Had to comment here as the question is closed... sorry Jake. First things first never reveal your feelings to a girl that you're not in a relationship with, just don't, trust me on this one. Not knowing exactly how you feel about them makes you more desirable. Second, never tell a girl she's perfect or put her on a pedestal, no one is perfect and I know that you may think it comes off as romantic it's not unless the girl is in love with you. Putting any woman on a pedestal is one of the quickest ways to get her interest level to drop. Third, LISTEN to what a girl is telling you. This girl was flat out telling you that she's not perfect and she hurts those that get close to her, she's not making that shit up, that's true and a huge red flag. Just because she's pretty and fun to talk to it doesn't mean she's not a bitch. Why do you think she'd say such a thing? It's due to her past actions and a person's past actions are the best indicator for future
ones. So even if you did get this girl, chances are she'd fuck it up somehow because apparently according to her that's what she does and who knows herself better than she does. Seriously, I cannot emphasise this enough since it's an incredibly important thing to know that may save you some really bad heartbreaks, I speak from experience. Out of all the things you can take away from this experience you should at the very least take that with you and never forget it. Another thing is to be mindful and not project your feelings onto someone else. You obviously really liked this girl and once she agreed to see you you went off the rails and treated her as you would like to be treated. That was wrong though since the only time someone wants to be treated like that is when their interest level is on the level you were and hers wasn't. Therefore you came off as way too strong which turned her away because she didn't want to hurt your feelings because she knew that this was way more important
to you than it was for her. So basically don't let your feelings cloud your perception on how SHE feels about you, your feelings and her feelings are not the same. So always be weary of the girl's feelings and you should base off your actions on how strong her feelings are for you and not the other way around. You seem like the type that wears his heart upon his sleeve and is naïve when it comes to relationships because you have a good heart and assume everyone else is the same. I really hope you take my advice to heart, it will do you a lot of good for future girls.
You put her on a pedestal and honestly, it was uncomfortable for me reading it. She probably feels like once you get to know the "real" her you won't see her as perfect and reject her. And hey, maybe that's happened before.
Your words are sweet but a bit too intense. She knows she'd be the one to hurt you and end it. And the friendship.
In the future, avoid words like "perfect" initially. Even if it seems like it. There's way too much pressure on those words and no one wants to have to live up to that ideal. She literally tells you that she not a good person which means she thinks you don't even really know her if you thinks she's perfect.
Finally, instead of saying she's gorgeous or pretty, compliment her style or something. Prettiness isn't something she controls so it can make you seem shallow and only interested in her for her looks, which can change over time. compliment how she wears her hair or dresses to show you're interested in Her.
I've already decided that's what I plan to do. Considering that I've known her as a good friend since I was like 13, she did seem perfect. I know that's a very strong word and I rarely ever use it in reference to anything but in this case I meant it. I don't hold anyone on a pedestal, everyone has flaws that suck, and I don't expect anyone to change who they are for anyone, she knows this, we've talked about how people shouldn't change who they are before. I've only complimented her appearance once and even then I said "looks don't matter but if they did you're gorgeous as well" I've made it very clear I was interested in her because of her personality, not how she looks. looks change with age, personality only slightly does. But anyway thank you for your opinion, I've decided to move on leave it as friends. If she decides to go after me it might change.
I really appreciate the time you took to give us all individual replies. That kind of attention shows how awesome you'd be in a relationship 😉
I know you're defending the perfect comment by saying you know her for 5 years or so.
But I'm saying that it didn't feel like you guys had that kind of history.
I get it. Everyone on here has given you an eyeful of critical opinions. But I really was hoping you wouldn't be offended (and I still hope you aren't!) and that you'd see it from an outside pov. "Perfect" still wasn't perfect to use here. So just please avoid it in the future, initially. My key word will always be initially, bc down the road into a good and thriving relationship, if you look into her eyes and call her perfect, she will melt 😁👍🏾
You said, "I've known here as a good friend since I was 13."
And that seems solid. Until I reread the msgs.
She said, "I enjoy our friendship and I random talks." and then, "even though you and I have talked a lot, I don't feel like I know you enough for a relationship"
She doesn't consider 5 years of "random talks" enough?
But also, after agreeing to date, you said, "anything you want to talk about? ... What kind of stuff are you into? Like just stuff that interests you"
And I admit, it was those parts of the conversation that gave me a feeling that you didn't have the long term friendship that you feel you do. You would've already known what's she's into. And could've instead said, "are you still into skateboarding" or whatever. And that's why I felt the perfect comment was over the top.
Anyway, I do wish you best of luck in your future relationships. I think you will be an earnest and determined guy. And I hope you meet a girl who appreciates you.
hmm ok that was long af but now i get it all. well i can see that she doesn't have the same feelings for u. u said she dates other guys and she told u she is "not ready" for a relationship. girls only say that when they dont want to hurt the guys feelings. and yea u did go a bit fast but hey u have waited for 2 months and told her again and her answer still remains the same. well... how about u move on n get u another girl or u could sit and wait for another two months again (if thats what u want). i dont see the point of u waiting for her to like u back. she doesn't seem interested, she is just trying to be nice and i respect her for that. but u dont have to hold on to that, just move on
That's what I thought. Thank you for your input. It's hard to move on since I've had feelings for her for so long but I think it's for the best as well.
this has happened to me before. she just doesn't want you guys dating to mess up your friendship. she is dating other guys because she is trying to find someone as good or better than you. you just have to give her time to realize your the best out there. in the meantime though, try dating. if she does it, you can. feel free to try others and see if she really is the perfect one for you.
That's an interesting outlook. She's doing a shit job so far lol. Literally going after the town dirt bags. But I've decided to move on and leave it as friends. She can go after me later if she wants.
Perhaps, but I don't mean this as an insult, you seem mature beyond your age, but you're still young, who knows that in a years time you aren't completely over them. You change a lot during your teen years, I know my friends and I did
She isn't interested. She is kinda stringing you along... which sucks. You should move on sweety. Some girls do this cause they too scared to say "No"... if she likes you, she might contact you again.. and go on dates.
Yeah that's what I thought. If she outright said no I would've moved on then but like you said stringing me along. I doubt she'll contact me again in that way as she's starting dating another guy, who is an outright scumbag but I dunno. I'm gonna work on moving on. Thanks for your input 😀
I believe I did in the past but I can't now as she's in a relationship with another guy. It probably won't last long but I've made up my mind. She had her chance to be with me, twice, and denied it so I'm done trying.
Unfortunately, I've been in a very similar situation. If a girl says that she isn't ready for a relationship, it means she doesn't want one with you, or like she said, she's emotionally unavailable. Either way, she is not interested in anything more than a platonic friendship, and you'd best move on.
A tip to be one of those guys that she dates is to ask her out before you develop any sort of feelings for her. As soon as you realize that you like her, ask her out as soon as possible, and the same goes for grabbing a new girl's number.. Do it as soon as possible. You want to make sure that you're a guy that she's anxious to see again, and you won't be that guy if she knows that you're into her. If you ask someone out before you're into her, you'll have more confidence within yourself, and you'll never need to confess your newly developed feelings the way you did here. Good luck bro.
That's what I've decided to do. As for the going before developing feelings, didn't have the option. Been friends with her for 5 years so you know. Lol.
in my opinion, your fixating like your in a Shakespearean tragedy. Take her off that pedestal and look objectively at your situation. It seems you've waited to become friends first. Bad idea, if your attracted to a woman, trying to be friends with her is a mistake. Make your intentions known in the beginning, so that platonic type of relationship can not materialize. That way you don't get in too deep. And my friend you seem to be drowning. You need to change her contact name to "Only When Necessary" and start searching for what you want elsewhere. If she comes around she comes around. Just move like a Shark. "Never stop swimming, unless there's food to eat."
Interesting thoughts. As for the whole waited to be friends thing, I didn't. I was friends with her in middle school, nothing more. I didn't get feelings for her until recently. So I didn't have much choice in that matter. But yes, I've decided to move on and leave it as friends, if she wants to go after me, fine.
For gods sakes DONT be having these convo's on text media. You get zero emotion and zero body language so you're missing out at least half of what's being communicated.
You actually tried to close on a girl for a 'relationship' and she FZ'd you. You're done partner. She didn't have any benefit of you IRL - no meet up, value built before pursuing forward, pretty much nothing.
Here's the thing... they all want sex - just not with you. If a girl wants to get with a guy she'll break every rule to do it. If she doesn't then she'll make up a new rule every day why she can't.
I live 45 miles away, have no licence, no vehicle, and little money, and she's in school most the time, when she's not, she lives another 30 miles away so bump that up to 75 miles. I would've loved to have been able to do this in person, woulda got a much more straight forward answer but it just wasn't an option. But anyway I've decided to move on and leave it as friends, she wants me, she can go after me.
Sure. I need to grow up. Yer cute, kid. But here's the thing, I've forgotten more than you know. I've been in relationships for longer than you've been on the planet. I've had more sex than you'll ever have in your lifetime. So you can either blow off what I say, or learn from someone with a lifetime of experience doing this shit.
Implying that all I need to do is make money and have abs to get girls is extremely immature. I don't want sex and to be used for money. I want a real relationship with love, having a nice body and money isn't going to get me that. In fact that'll get me the asshole stuck up pieces of shit. From other opinions I've seen of yours, you place sex higher on your list then love, so no thank you, I'll pass on your "knowledge" and "advice".
You're just too inexperienced to know better. Sorry sonny. You missed the whole point of being a strong rich man - it's attraction. You're not going to attract the lady you want with a dad-bod and being broke. So you make something of yourself so as to be ATTRACTIVE. Then you have best pick. Girls are looking for a strong man with leadership qualities, able to provide for them and their lifestyle, their 84 children they want to have with you. Not a weak and supplicating beta-chump that can't make a decision and is a cry baby. So, which are YOU going to be? And you don't know jackshit about my opinions. Cherry picking comments and then forming a general opinion is folly at best. You really need to smarten up a bit. You're making yourself look really ignorant about life in general, dating and romance. Clueless really.
Now we're getting somewhere. That's exaxtly what they like - that's what give them the vag-tingles. 80% of the girls are chasing 15% of the bad-boy 'asshole' alphas. The rest of everyone is standing on the sidelines. Where does that leave you?
Happily on the sidelines. Rather wait for the right girl than pretend to be an asshole and left and soon as she realizes I'm not. I want real love, not lies based on a few things that are gonna ultimately be fake. Look man, you got luck with that stuff, cool for you, but I'll wait myself. Everyone's got their own tastes.
Sure. You wait. Good luck with that. :) In the meantime go here and do some reading: www.therationalmale.com You need an education about the reality of what women really are. And it's not at all what you think. Your puppy-dogs and disneyland dream world is simply not reality.
9/10 guys get a girl in life man. And what do you mean by "puppy-dogs and Disney world dream world"? I just want an honest hard working life in the country with my dogs and quad, girl or no girl.
Too eager, too willing to bend over backwards and you definitely put her on a pedestal way too quickly. You came across (whether intentional or not) too clingy and too intense in my opinion. Being excited and such is fine but it's clear that you were jumping the gun all while being oddly apologetic for it - it likely put her off.
If it isn't that, she could genuinely have gotten ahead of herself and realized that she didn't have time or wasn't ready. Either way it's best to move on.
Interesting notions and I can definitely see how you'd come to those conclusions. Thanks for your opinion. And that's what I've decided to do. Better off as friends for now, she can pursue me in the future if she'd like.
I gaurantee you, if you started dating someone else this girl would be all over you. She's keeping you on a leash till she decides what she wants. That's not fair to you. Move on. There is someone special out there for you.
Obviously she's telling you where she stands with you. The truth is she truly doesn't know what she wants and the fact that she is straight up with that is respectable. Personally, I think certain guys are just simply amazing guys but not what I'm looking for. It could also be that she doesn't want to ruin the friendship because you guys have been friends for so long. Don't take it personally, we're all trying to figure out what we want and at 18 it's totally fine to not have it all sorted out yet. Give it time and just focus on you, what's meant to be will be.
Yeah valid points. I've decided to move on, leave it as friends, and see what else the world has to offer. If she is interested in me, she can pursue me this time lol.
And stop putting her on a pedestal. No girl is perfect and we don't want to date a guy who thinks we are because that just leads to issues later on when they realize we're not.
That's what I thought, thanks for your opinion. And no, she isn't the textbook example of perfect, but considering that I've known her as a good friend for almost 5 years, I know what flaws she has and they're not a big deal. But I've decided to move on and let it sit as friends. She wants something more in the future, she can go after me.
Ugh... Don't try to turn good friends into lovers. You'll lose both if you're not careful. It's one thing to have something organically happen, but if you're too heavy handed you'll blow it. In my opinion, you came across as if she's been waiting to hear the stuff you've been waiting to say. This is rarely the case. Don't feel entitled because she likes you as a friend and you feel superior to her current choices in guys... If you're her friend, you'll support her and be there for her and stop looking for more.
There's no set rule on not being good friends and eventually lovers. In fact there are plenty of very good relationships like that. That wasn't how I intended to come off at all and I didn't expect any of that. If you look through my other replies to other opinions, you'll notice I've decided to move on and leave it as friends. I'm not completely illiterate and I didn't want people telling me what to do, I can handle my own life. I just wanted some opinions on what she meant by her words. So far no one's given me just that. They all feel the need to tell me what to do next and offer me their unwanted advice. So thank you for your opinion.
no offense bro but you are talking to her like a 12 year old. Your problem is that you have made it too obvious that you'd do anything for this chick. you have made yourself Expendable and convenient. You have to act as though you're interested in her but that you have your options open as well. otherwise she's going to use you and only talk to you or be with you when it's convenient for her and she needs somebody. That's just the way girls are man. Source: I'm 24 and have been in multiple long term relationships. Why do YOU think she's being like this though? What's your take?
Pretty much the same thing as everyone else. I had already made up my mind before I started getting opinions, I just wanted to see what everyone else thought. So far everyones just been telling me to do exactly what I'm doing lol.
bro she consider you as a friend... and a good person to talk to... so even if she plan to have a relationship it will be after some long time , so move on... and let her know it , not to make her jealous , it is to make sure that if she had developed any feelings then it is the time to say it... (but most won't , they have ego ) and also to make sure she also moves on... good luck. bro...
You sound so sweet. She is lucky to have you. But I honestly think you should move on and I don't think she will ever want to be in a relationship with you otherwise it would've happened by now. If she ever ends up realising how stupid she was to give you up maybe she will contact you in the future but then it might be too late. That's her problem not yours, you deserve to be happy. It just seems like she sees you as a friend.
There is nothing there to set you apart from the other guys, she's been out with, baaed on how you write. You just sound like the rest of the guys out there that says all the typical things mentioned in the text. It's like reading a telemarketing script for an outbound sales phone call...
"The other guys" are lazy lowlife assholes who cheat on her and leave her months down the road. They're more interested in fuck and buck, drinking, and smoking pot then being there for her. So don't you ever call me like them. You do not know who I am.
Playing platonic friend? I've been friends with her for 5 years. She's an important person in my life, as whatever, I wouldn't want her to just leave. I'm not taking advantage of her at all, if I wanted to take advantage of her, I'd just act like the guys she goes after. You seriously need to reevaluate your mindset. You're bashing a guy you've never even met before and calling him an asshole based on what? five or six texts? Based on your first impression, you're a stuck up asshole who thinks they're great but really doesn't deserve the light of day. Goodbye, I won't be responding to any more of your bullshit needless humiliation.
The choice of guys, she picks, suggests she's damaged goods. She's broken for now. Not even your feelings for her would save her from getting ruined from those guys.
She's just not that into you. Sounds like she only likes you as a friend and is trying to reject you without losing your attention. by the way, don't ever confess your feelings/ask someone out over text.
That's exactly what I thought. And I would've loved to have been there in person but considering that she's in school, I live 45 miles away, have no licence or car, and not in the greatest financial standing, it wasn't really an option. Some people just can't be there in person all the time.
in my opinion something that hasn't been said much on this post is this... she may have thought about dating you, but is concerned about losing you as a friend.
That's what I've thought, and it's a silly notion but rings true unfortunately. So I've decided to move on and leave it as friends, no more worries there. Thanks for your opinion.
I'm not going after you no worries hahaha, but you did open the opportunity to say that age doesn't always matter. A 6 year difference isn't too bad, my parents are 6 years apart and have been happily together for 19 years, married for 15. It's all about that connection. Lol.
age difference doesn't matter once people cross 22-24 (depending on maturity). my parents have age gap of 8 years n have been married for 35 years now (yeah they pretty old... lol)
you are 18. you are in a sensitive growing age. An older female of 24 can create some disturbance on an impressionable mind... if she chooses to play with your head.
That's very true, though I've never been impressionable. I've always been the same me. In fact that's usually why I go after older girls, they have their priorities straight and are mature, at least most the time lol. I do have a cap on age though, which ironically is 24 😂
I asked her out twice over the span of 4 months, both times were short conversations, and we only talk for maybe a few minutes every other day. If that's your definition of smothering I don't wanna know what you think of actual smothering. Anyway I've decided to move on and leave it as friends, so we're golden.
Want some professional advice? Let her go. Your chances are very slim after you get friend zoned. You actually have higher chances of her one day contacting you and telling you that she wants to be with you. It has happened to me before. But don't wait on her, not one bit. Start seeing other women. She'll come back. ;)
Trust me when I say this, forget about her and do you. Plenty fish in the sea to be hung up on one chick. My girl left me but did i dwell , nope I hit the gym and talking to other girls and now I don't even care anymore.
Actually, never Ever Ever send long messages to a girl you like.. That's gonna make her look like you are desperate, which you are, but it gives her the impression of the wrong sort of "desperate".
Lol. I'm sure it depends on the person. And I'm not desperate, I liked her so wrote her how I felt, I've already started to move on. Really easy to do when feelings aren't reciprocated
I'm sorry but from what I've read she's just leading you on.. she thinks you're a nice guy and doesn't want to lose you but doesn't want to date you either.
its not even that. she's just plain leading him on. i dont know if it's because she legit wants to stay friends or it could even be she's bored and likes messing with people's feelings.
I'm pretty sure it's not that she "like messing with people's feelings".
I sounds more like she doesn't want to hurt his because she knows he's sweet and they have good talks.
It's just hard to know how to tell people "I just don't feel like we click". a lot of people take that as a huge blow to their ego and get offended and huffy with you
Yeah that's what I've thought. I've decided to move on anyway, I still want to be friends but that's it for now. And she knows I take rejection very well lol, in fact I prefer if they tell me how it is instead of pussyfooting around it and ultimately leading to this.
*Sigh* I live 75 miles away, have no licence or car, and can only visit her when she's at friends house, which is still 45 miles away. Didn't have the opportunity to be there in person.
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