How come nice guys are so lame?

[Anonymous]

Why do guys on here think that a guy has to be a complete asshole in order to get girls? Like there is no other choice, a guy either has to be a passive wimp or he has to be an abusive jerk? There are middle grounds you know! Do you mean to tell me that the only guys you know that have girlfriends are guys who treat them like crap and are mean and abusive to them? Because I'm here to tell you that's not true!

When I think of a guy who refers to himself as a nice guy, I think of someone with some or all of these traits:

passive aggressive

not very masculine

wishy washy

not confident

can't speak up for himself

too shy

can't make decisions

too much of a people pleaser

a doormat

None of these traits are attractive to most girls. Do you really think that a guy who is the opposite of these is a jerk? And that being an asshole is the only way to attract women? Why do you think so? Also if you think anything I said is wrong then that is your opinion...please explain to me why you think what I said isn't true and tell me your definition of a nice guy

[Killfest400]

I don't disagree with what you said for the most part, but I would like to give my two cents.

With regards to the asshole v. nice guy, you are correct. There is a middle ground, and that's the ideal for the majority of women. However, the point of the asshole v. nice guy debate is that most women would fall head over heels for an asshole, despite the negative aspects that come with it. Women find him attractive and are often willing to put up with his abusiveness because they think he's hot. Perpetuating the debate is that an astonishing quantity of women, after being abused and left by the asshole, will bitch and bitch and bitch about him, and then start dating the next asshole who's exactly like him, even though he's almost certainly just as abusive as the last. Over, and over, and over, until they don't know how to actually have a nice relationship anymore.

Following this, women will love to throw around the "all men are jerks" line. This obviously isn't true, but those women believe it. Why would any guy try not to be an asshole if he's already being labeled one? I know not all guys would becomes assholes because of something like that, but I know a lot that would. If a woman's view of males is that there's assholes who are confident and assholes that aren't, then why should anybody try to be any different?

[MrKkibbles]

For every doormat nice-guy there is a girl whining about how her boyfriend used or abused her. Both are for the same reasons too, the nice-guy won't go out and flirt with girls, and the girls won't seek out good guys.

I definitely think that a jerk has more attractive qualities than a nice guy, but obviously its not the best thing to be. Here's the traits I think of for a jerk:

Assertive aggressive(not a bad thing)

Masculine(a good thing)

Fake(will act around others whatever way makes him look best)

Confident(a good thing)

Will speak for you.

outgoing

doesn't care about others

has no problems using you as a doormat.

Like I said, some of those qualities are good things.

Now why do I gripe about being a nice guy? Some of girls tend to only look at confidence and masculinity.There's no problem with those being more important, but when you turn a blind eye to all the other traits is when you may end up with a jerk.

[Citizen_Snips]

I guess I'd be labeled as the nice guy, but I'm probably somewhere in the middle. The only traits that you listed that I have is being shy and sometimes not confident (in some areas). I'm the nice guy until someone p*sses me off. I've seen, more often than not, that guys that act like total douches are the ones getting more attention. I have a couple of friends that act that way and have told me countless times to do as they do. I've never done it because I won't like the girls I'd be attracting. I'm the chivalrous type. It kind of sucks that just because I'm shy and nice when they first meet me, they think of me as a doormat or not very masculine. Well, there's more than one way to skin a cat.