Why didn't he stand up for me?

[Starlight9876]

I went out with my fiance last night and some of my girlfriends to have a few drinks and listen to a live band. We were having fun until one of my fiances friends called me a f*ing b**** because I told him not to touch me. My fiance just laughed and acted like it was a joke. I didn't find it very funny I was actually really upset. This happened before too and he called me a f*ing idiot and my fiance again didn't say anything to him. I'm annoyed and upset and didn't sleep at all last night. Why doesn't he stand up for me? Why does he let this guy call me names? I asked him these questions and his response was "It's not even worth fighting over" Please help... because I'm ready to end our relationship because of this. I need a real man who can defend me. Not a wuss.

[Anonymous]

It is never appropriate to insult another human being in that way. It is disrespect regardless of what your relationship to that person is. You should have stood up for yourself when that happened. It doesn't mean yelling, or being disrespectful back. You can be polite and still be defending yourself. That being said, your fiance should also not have condoned that sort of behavior from his friend. It's important to chose your battles, but clearly, his friend made you uncomfortable first by touching you, then by calling you names. Something as simple as "Hey, I'd appreciate it if you don't say things like that about my fiance" or even when talking to you later, to say "I didn't want to make a scene, but I'll be sure talk to him about it later because I know it wasn't appropriate" would have gone a long way.

[NothingLastsForever]

Maybe it's because he doesn't want to lose a friend over it.

Although I think he should have warned his friend, he doesn't neccesarily have to fall out with his friend to protect you.

I would be annoyed too, I don't think you're being silly but I don't know about ending the relationship.

Maybe tell him that you want him to stick up for you because it's embarrassing and belittling, it makes it look like he doesn't care and that his friends cannot treat you like dirt.

Maybe you should also avoid going out with this guy. Refuse to do it because he's clearly putting strain on your relationship.

The guy isn't a very good friend either, touching you? and causing friction like that.

It's really not good.

Do what's best for you though. Good luck

[Anonymous]

Tell him it upset you a lot and ask him why he doesn't think it's worth it to stand up for you since it means a lot to you. You have to understand though that sometimes it isn't worth fighting over. He may have a good reason. Laughing things off can be the best way to deal with things in some situations--it doesn't mean he's a wuss.

[sinful1620]

Girls get p*ssed if we defend them because we're treating them like they can't defend themselves. Girls get p*ssed if we don't defend them because then we don't care about them.

Either way, we lose. Don't complain that your gender is, as was proudly put by a woman in response to another question, "a walking contradiction".

[beerY33]

Don't stereotype.

[sinful1620]

Isn't it a stereotype to assume a guy will stand up for you / defend your honor? Why is it wrong to stereotype women but nobody bats an eye at stereotyping men?

[Anonymous]

I don't care, if someone calls my Girlfriend a f***ing bitch or anything especially in front of me is getting a smack in the mouth. Any friend wouldn't say that crap, it's disrespecful to me as well as her. And if he didn't apologize, another backhand! Sorry to say, your boyfriend is a wimp for at least not saying anything.

[Starlight9876]

Thats why I got upset. I was expecting him to at least say please don't call my girlfriend a bitch

[Opinion Owner]

Yea, he should have said something. A real friend just would not say that to my GF. Not where I come from anyways.There's nothing wrong if your not a fighter or tough but at least say something

[christineg]

This is right.

[Irrelevance]

Your fiance's right. It's not worth fighting over. You want him to do what YOU want him to do. Here is your thought process mapped out:

You get called a name by a friend of your fiance

Your fiance doesn't leap to your defence

You don't like it because he's not causing a massive fuss over nothing

Conclusion: he must be a wuss

Break up with him. You'll do him a favour.

[stercor]

Your fiance is a first-class jerk.

You can do better than that.

``Break-up'' is a good category for this post.