Why didn't he fight for me?

[Anonymous]

Why after 4 years in a relationship and stuff starting going south, and I started pulling away he did not fight for me? After claiming that I was everything to him? And during the brake up he said he would always wait for me? Why didn't he just try a little bit harder? please help

[backspace]

Unfortunately only he can answer that question if he's willing. It's really crazy how relationships work and how we think about them. I'll tell you my story or at least some parts of it. I got involved with a girl but she had a boyfriend well we both fell in love and we felt like we meant so much to each other like nobody else ever. She told me I was the most important person in her life and that she had never felt this way about anybody that she had never been this much in love and doesn't ever want to lose me. Then she told me she loved it because I was fighting for her even though she was angry at me because I was fighting for her and ruining her relationship and making her confused. At the end she broke it of with me and said that she never wants to see me again and doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. This was after almost a year of us spending almost all the time we could find together doing crazy things and being completely in love. Now we haven't seen each other in almost 5 months except for twice when we got into huge fights when we ran into each other. So it's funny how things change in just a couple of weeks.
I stopped fighting for her because she showed me she didn't love me anymore and didn't want me to fight for her anymore. I don't know how she feels and she doesn't care how I feel. So you see sometimes because we think of something and set our mind to it it puts in place all kinds of thoughts and actions. So my advice would be if you guys can try and talk about it and be completely honest no matter what the outcome may be that's the only way you are going to be able to get some peace.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your reply! you sound like such a sweet guy! thank you for being Honest with me. You gave me some comfort! We need more men like you out there

[backspace]

It's not a problem but I think opinions on that may differ because ask her she'll say I'm a really bad person because I wanted her to be with me and because when she hurt me I did a couple of stupid things. But I always gave her a chance and always forgave her and tried to understand her. But she always tried but couldn't. I don't know I try not to play with other peoples feelings in anyway because I know how much it hurts and how hard it can be. Relationships are really hard and I never say stuff I don't mean because that only causes trouble in the future.
I hope you two at least talk everything out so you know why something happened and get some closure. I could never get closure because she has her own opinions and I have mine and we never talked it out. Maybe we could have done something about it but she never wanted. Now I've meat someone who my be worth it and she's still where she was when we meat in the same relationship. So sad.

[Toocooltoadmitit]

When a relationship is on its last legs there is no point fighting for it, you're only delaying the inevitable.

[Asker]

Don't you believe that somebody is worth fighting for? If you really love a person?

[Toocooltoadmitit]

Love is never enough, love cannot save a dying relationship and sometimes the greatest act of love is letting go of your love as that's the right thing to do.

[Asker]

Thank you very much!

[Toocooltoadmitit]

Thank you for awarding me Most helpful and I genuinely hope I have been able to offer you a small piece of comfort in what I can only imagine is a difficult time for you.

I know it's an old cliche which you're no doubt sick of hearing, but the situation will get easier to overcome with time.

All the best.

[Tdieseler]

Too cool, you are right, but their relationship was NOT on its last legs. In my opinion, I believe SHE destroyed it. Girls have this notion that guys will forever chase them and thats not true. The chase is at the beginning. They were in a relationship already which should be 50/50, now read what was written, "... things started going south and I started pulling away..." honey, people can butter you up but if you want SOLID advice that is what I give. YOU didn't fight for your relationship, YOU noticed it was going south and YOUR solution was to pull away? how would that help? He's a GUY he's clueless till you say something but you didn't. He can't fight for something he doesn't see.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't you fight for him? Why didn't you try a little harder? Instead of just pulling away and assuming he would know you wanted him to chase after you. . . If the relationship was in trouble, he was doubting himself too, so when you pulled away it was probably right when he needed you to give more effort. I think this could be a valuable lesson learned for you in future relationships, but what a hard way to learn it.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

after 4 years, he probably was tired of it. things may have started going south because he was facilitating it and when u pulled away you were only doing what he wanted u to do all along. maybe he didn't have the courage to end it himself so he passively forced you into doing it

[Asker]

Girls will always understand girls better! thanks :)

[Rcjh1987]

What she said...

[iNikkiTheTaurus]

Because you're not supposed to fight... just fix it and hope for the best but ig your attempts only get worse you run out of options. Fighting for something when you feel like you've lost connections with the one you love is hard. Especially if the love you once had is gone

[Pummel]

It was most likely his feelings were not that sincere. That's not to say he didn't care for you but love you, if he had he would have waited... I was in love one time and we dated for two years. Towards the end of the second year we got pregnant and I did everything right, there are things to this day no one knows what I did to make her feel secure and that my plans for us was long term. I got my father to cosign a $150,000 house loan, I went to my employer and got a $13,000 pay raise, my grandmother also gave me a $10,000 loan so that I could purchase a car for her and I started taking language lessons to show her just how much I truly loved her... well that moments over with lol.
Do you wanna here what did me in (supposedly)? It was my mother's reasoning she told me that I didn't have to marry her just because we were pregnant... WTF now my mom was coming from the point that I didn't want her to feel trapped because we were young.. And yes I said that to her... Well she did a 180 with wanting to be with me and having the child.. She opted for an abortion and even though I didn't want her to (to the point I broke down crying in her mother's kitchen like a pussy) I still went with her to have the procedure, I had flowers for and I just laid next to her for hours (I was smart enough not to speak).
I know Chatty Cathy clip your string.. I was not the perfect boyfriend, no I was selfish with my time (I was a front man for a hardcore band) plus I had issues that I never told her about, hell I didn't fully know until a couple of years ago (childhood abuse from grade school)..
She moved away without telling me and we never talked or each other again, that was 15 years ago and I am still single. I have never dated or had relations with another woman in all that time.. Now I'm not a psycho, there are other reasons why I chose to stay single, but one of them was.. I would never find a love like that ever again. She deserved better than a life with a musician... I'm sorry.. what was your question?

[Anonymous]

Because, girl, guys are very simple. No matter what you think. We are simple. If you walk away and say "Don't follow me" we don't follow you. If you say "We're through" then we're through. If you say you don't love us anymore, you best believe we're through.

Why is any guy going to fight for a girl who doesn't want him? And why would any guy who watches his girl pull away, think that secretly she DOES want him, and wants him to fight for her? That's crazy.

Men are not psychic. Stop acting like we are.

[Powerhousegirl]

Let me shed some light on the fighting for us thing. First of all, it doesn’t have to be when the girl is breaking up with the guy it could be the other way around as well. I think not having some expression of sadness that it’s over seems cold. Generally when you don’t want something to end, you try to find a way to fix it. Women function this way so I think that’s why we might think that the guy would too. Now if you’ve come to the end after lots of trying to make it work and it just isn’t, then it’s totally legit to just say ok let’s call it a day. In my experience, i met someone and we fell in love despite trying hard not to because he was with someone else. When we had the talk about calling it off before it started, we both agreed and we left it as friends. After hanging up I realized that was probably not a good idea to stay friends and with a heavy heart I told him we shouldn’t stay in contact, I told him that I was obviously sad and wished we met in a different lifetime but to be fair to everyone we shouldn’t act on any feelings. He just said “as you wish”... to me that felt like he was happy to let me go, not sad and heartbroken. I suppose for me, that was him not fighting for me. I think if he had just said how sad he was to let me go, I would’ve felt better, since we’re both in the same boat. Or maybe realizing he didn’t want to go on without me in his life. Honestly, guys WILL fight for what they want. Guys will move mountains if they want to be together. I think that’s all we want is just to be the one to move mountains for.

[Opinion Owner]

@Powerhousegirl "Generally when you don’t want something to end, you try to find a way to fix it. Women function this way "

No they don't. Not always anyway. You can see on this website thousands of girls who thought walking away was how to fix things, because they stupidly thought the guy would run after them.

If you want to fix it, tell the guy you want to fix it. If he wants to fix it too, he will help.
If you want to fix it but decide to say "It's over" or walk away or sleep with his best friend... then you're an idiot and you don't get to ask "Why didn't he fight for me?"

[ThisxLovex]

It's a terrible terrible situation to be in and I'm currently going through it myself. It makes me feel like I'm not worth it. I wish I could offer you more advice but right now I hope you take comfort in knowing that I understand how you feel <3

[marissab101]

Why didn't you fight for the sake of the relationship? It sounds to me like you wanted to be wanted but you went about it all wrong.

[MothMonsterMan]

You answered your own question. The relationship went south. He saw nothing to fight for.

[Asker]

Sometimes someone is just not worth fighting for.

[MothMonsterMan]

Exactly. If someone was worth fighting for, the relationship wouldn't have ended. If you have to "Fight" for a relationship, it's already broken.

[rUinSAYAN]

so you did break up because you wanted to test him? that would be stupid enough to not run after

[Asker]

NO, We broke up because he changed and became another person that I did not know any more.

[rUinSAYAN]

ow you already have the answer for your question, that must be a rethorical one.
he changed - he won't be the same as you knew on the first day. (I have experience with those things - observation is my hobby)

[Anonymous]

That's just life
Actions speak louder than words
Words don't mean a thing
And relationships do end sometimes

[Asker]

life is a bitch

[Powerhousegirl]

My words mean everything... they ARE my actions because I always do what I say I will, integrity is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

It makes me remmber my last relationship... i was so ingenue and would keep listening to her... no one needs to fight for anything... if you broke up thats it.. you wanted it and he doesn't need to do anything to change your mind.

[Anonymous]

If you started to pull away why would he bother. There's no point in trying to control somebody to stay with you