Why didn't he fight for me?

Why after 4 years in a relationship and stuff starting going south, and I started pulling away he did not fight for me? After claiming that I was everything to him? And during the brake up he said he would always wait for me? Why didn't he just try a little bit harder? please help


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Most Helpful Guy

  • When a relationship is on its last legs there is no point fighting for it, you're only delaying the inevitable.

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    • Don't you believe that somebody is worth fighting for? If you really love a person?

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    • Thank you for awarding me Most helpful and I genuinely hope I have been able to offer you a small piece of comfort in what I can only imagine is a difficult time for you.

      I know it's an old cliche which you're no doubt sick of hearing, but the situation will get easier to overcome with time.

      All the best.

    • Too cool, you are right, but their relationship was NOT on its last legs. In my opinion, I believe SHE destroyed it. Girls have this notion that guys will forever chase them and thats not true. The chase is at the beginning. They were in a relationship already which should be 50/50, now read what was written, "... things started going south and I started pulling away..." honey, people can butter you up but if you want SOLID advice that is what I give. YOU didn't fight for your relationship, YOU noticed it was going south and YOUR solution was to pull away? how would that help? He's a GUY he's clueless till you say something but you didn't. He can't fight for something he doesn't see.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Unfortunately only he can answer that question if he's willing. It's really crazy how relationships work and how we think about them. I'll tell you my story or at least some parts of it. I got involved with a girl but she had a boyfriend well we both fell in love and we felt like we meant so much to each other like nobody else ever. She told me I was the most important person in her life and that she had never felt this way about anybody that she had never been this much in love and doesn't ever want to lose me. Then she told me she loved it because I was fighting for her even though she was angry at me because I was fighting for her and ruining her relationship and making her confused. At the end she broke it of with me and said that she never wants to see me again and doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. This was after almost a year of us spending almost all the time we could find together doing crazy things and being completely in love. Now we haven't seen each other in almost 5 months except for twice when we got into huge fights when we ran into each other. So it's funny how things change in just a couple of weeks.
    I stopped fighting for her because she showed me she didn't love me anymore and didn't want me to fight for her anymore. I don't know how she feels and she doesn't care how I feel. So you see sometimes because we think of something and set our mind to it it puts in place all kinds of thoughts and actions. So my advice would be if you guys can try and talk about it and be completely honest no matter what the outcome may be that's the only way you are going to be able to get some peace.

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    • Thank you so much for your reply! you sound like such a sweet guy! thank you for being Honest with me. You gave me some comfort! We need more men like you out there

    • It's not a problem but I think opinions on that may differ because ask her she'll say I'm a really bad person because I wanted her to be with me and because when she hurt me I did a couple of stupid things. But I always gave her a chance and always forgave her and tried to understand her. But she always tried but couldn't. I don't know I try not to play with other peoples feelings in anyway because I know how much it hurts and how hard it can be. Relationships are really hard and I never say stuff I don't mean because that only causes trouble in the future.
      I hope you two at least talk everything out so you know why something happened and get some closure. I could never get closure because she has her own opinions and I have mine and we never talked it out. Maybe we could have done something about it but she never wanted. Now I've meat someone who my be worth it and she's still where she was when we meat in the same relationship. So sad.

  • You answered your own question. The relationship went south. He saw nothing to fight for.

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    • Sometimes someone is just not worth fighting for.

    • Exactly. If someone was worth fighting for, the relationship wouldn't have ended. If you have to "Fight" for a relationship, it's already broken.

  • so you did break up because you wanted to test him? that would be stupid enough to not run after

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    • NO, We broke up because he changed and became another person that I did not know any more.

    • ow you already have the answer for your question, that must be a rethorical one.
      he changed - he won't be the same as you knew on the first day. (I have experience with those things - observation is my hobby)

  • If you started to pull away why would he bother. There's no point in trying to control somebody to stay with you

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  • Because, girl, guys are very simple. No matter what you think. We are simple. If you walk away and say "Don't follow me" we don't follow you. If you say "We're through" then we're through. If you say you don't love us anymore, you best believe we're through.

    Why is any guy going to fight for a girl who doesn't want him? And why would any guy who watches his girl pull away, think that secretly she DOES want him, and wants him to fight for her? That's crazy.

    Men are not psychic. Stop acting like we are.

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  • It makes me remmber my last relationship... i was so ingenue and would keep listening to her... no one needs to fight for anything... if you broke up thats it.. you wanted it and he doesn't need to do anything to change your mind.

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What Girls Said 6

  • after 4 years, he probably was tired of it. things may have started going south because he was facilitating it and when u pulled away you were only doing what he wanted u to do all along. maybe he didn't have the courage to end it himself so he passively forced you into doing it

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  • Why didn't you fight for the sake of the relationship? It sounds to me like you wanted to be wanted but you went about it all wrong.

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  • Because you're not supposed to fight... just fix it and hope for the best but ig your attempts only get worse you run out of options. Fighting for something when you feel like you've lost connections with the one you love is hard. Especially if the love you once had is gone

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  • It's a terrible terrible situation to be in and I'm currently going through it myself. It makes me feel like I'm not worth it. I wish I could offer you more advice but right now I hope you take comfort in knowing that I understand how you feel <3

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  • Why didn't you fight for him? Why didn't you try a little harder? Instead of just pulling away and assuming he would know you wanted him to chase after you. . . If the relationship was in trouble, he was doubting himself too, so when you pulled away it was probably right when he needed you to give more effort. I think this could be a valuable lesson learned for you in future relationships, but what a hard way to learn it.

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  • That's just life
    Actions speak louder than words
    Words don't mean a thing
    And relationships do end sometimes

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