Guys, Why did he not fight for me?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend had been dating for almost 6 months. Around four of those months had to be long distance because of quarantine. Long story short, me and him had about 3 arguments because it seemed like he always had an excuse as to why he couldn’t or didn’t want to talk to me on the phone. It was kind of hurtful and I explained to him how it made it seem like he didn’t care. Each time he told me he understood where I was coming from and each time besides this last time, he said he would make more of an effort. The last time he was more focused on how things would be different if and when we were in person again ( which would be around two months from now). I agreed and so we decided to take a break for about a month. For some reason, this didn’t sit with me though because he still wasn’t making an effort or even trying and I was always the one fighting to keep us together. I was always thinking about this and it was giving me a lot of anxiety and so I broke up with him. We still talked though and he told me he still loved me and wanted to get back together. I told him I still loved him too but I just couldn’t get over the fact that he never really gave any effort and all he needed to do was show me that he cared because he made a lot of empty promises in the past and I wasn’t going to push him to care anymore. He then told me that he never stopped caring and that he understood where I was coming from and he was sorry. I accepted his apology and asked if this was the end. Basically asking him if he wanted to show me that he cared or leave. He just said “yes” with a sad face that’s it. Why did he not even try? Why was he never willing to fight for me?

[HappyAccident]

Tbh I can't give a definitive answer only thing I can think of is everything that was in that relationship with u just faded away an the thing is he knew what he was doing maybe he did this on purpose like it wasn't the right time for him to be in a relationship or he just wasn't feeling it for you at the time I don't know you know him better so take what I say with a grain of salt 😅

[DCooper]

So you were actually dating for 2 months, followed by not seeing each other or actually doing anything together for 4 months by the time he decided to move on. Does he not get any credit for sticking it out for 4 months of no actual contact before moving on? It sounds like he was looking for something more than a phone buddy, that's all.

[Asker]

Hey, thanks for replying. I totally see where you’re coming from, the thing is though that he told me so many times that he’s okay with long distance because he did it for much longer in previous relationships. He always made it clear to me that he was fine with it, so I don't know, am I supposed to give him credit for sticking it out for 4 months? If anything I’m the one who stuck it out because he knew that I didn’t like long distance relationships from the start but I did it anyway for him.

[DCooper]

That's completely fair too, moreso if you were the one who was less sure about trying to maintain it long distance.

[Zigafoo]

Maybe he was trying and you just didn't think he was trying enough. Relationships are about giving 60% and receiving 40% Its hard to say why he didn't want to talk to you but there could have been an underlying issue that you couldn't understand. Maybe he has somewhat of a social phobia or maybe he is just boring and not that talkative.

[Avicenna]

I think the distance and poor communication demoralized him

[lrichl]

Sometimes relationships are too broken to put back together.