What's your definition of submissiveness in a woman?

Question

A lot of guys on here look at submissiveness as being delicate and soft spoken. Just doing whatever their told like a mindless puppet. Yeah, that last part is by definition submissiveness, but I've never looked at it this way. Soft spoken girls who are shy and delicate have never really attracted me because it reeks of a lack of confidence and assertiveness. Delicate and shy people generally aren't very successful.

I like a woman who's confident enough to say what's on her mind and not too shy to show the world what she's about. If a woman is submissive to everyone and every situation, then what does her submission even mean? It means nothing because it's not earned. That type of girl would be the first to cheat on you as well.

My girl would be considered extremely dominant by most men who she comes across. She's aggressive and she's by no means afraid to say what's on her mind. She's a natural leader. Having said that, she's extremely submissive, but only to me because I earned that side of her through time and trust. Her finally trusting me enough to lead the relationship meant 10x more to me than a girl who just hands it overlike nothing.

The most aggressive women in my experience seem to be the most submissive, loyal, and they also seem to make the best girlfriends/wives. It just takes the right guy to get them to that point. Anyone else on board with me here?

FýrdracaDócincel · Accepted Answer

I still have my issues with the whole thing. For example, a lot of the time I hear:

"I'm only submissive to him in bed, we're equals everywhere else."

.. and also.

"In some situations, I'm dominant and in others, he is."

Call me whatever, but that doesn't doesn't sound like true submission in my mind. For one, if the only time she really lets him take charge is in bed, well then that's just a role to my logic. For two, if you consider the authority dynamic as changing depending on the situation, well then why bother calling him the dominant one?

This isn't to say I want to be a dictator. Like you, passive women tend to turn me off. But I still think the concept can be rather blurry at times. Especially nowadays. I swear ever since 50 Shades got any traction, I've seen way too many girls who seem to think that any guy who DOESN'T want to be a dictator is equivalent to a pussy of some kind. They're certainty not the norm, but the numbers are getting high enough that I think the word "submissive" is getting a lot of contradicting slack from all sides.

JimRSmith · Accepted Answer

Yeah, I think you've nailed it there.  Nobody with anything about them wants to go home to a doormat. I want a challenge on my hands, intellectually, sexually etc.

ChronicThinker · Accepted Answer

I don't think it has anything to do with being a passive person in general. You can be submissive in certain areas (sexually or non) without being a delicate, soft spoken and generally unoriginal person without thoughts or opinions.

Submission to me is kind of like something you give to someone you respect and trust. It's kind of like letting someone take the lead because they earned that level of trust that you won't push them beyond their limits or make bad decisions that will compromise them.

So we're basically in agreement is what I'm saying.

LaFemmeFatale · Accepted Answer

Generally I see myself as dominant as It takes a special man for me to be submissive with him.
Out of all the guys I loved one was special, because I felt so feminine by his side, I felt like I found out new side about my tomboyish self.
I can only fall in love with a man who makes me want to submit sometimes. Weird. I guess I am a switch.

lilaqua · Accepted Answer

When I think of submissive in a dating context I immediately think of S n' M not necessarily one's actual personality. Yeah, there tends to be a direct correlation between strong, dominant people being into submissive fetish, and vice versa for more shy, "delicate" people as you put it.

Anonymous · Answer

"My girl would be considered extremely dominant. She's aggressive and she's by no means afraid to say what's on her mind. She's a natural leader."
LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Aggressive? She only showed the sensitive and weak parts of her. We argued. I offended her lifestyle and looks by using wit and intelligence. And she offended me by calling me names and lying to me. Not smth natural leaders do.
She is not afraid to say what's on her mind? I don't know about that. But I know that she is not afraid of telling whatever lie she wants.
Have you told her that you think I am dense and fake? And that you think my slut shaming posts are ridiculous and cringy? lol No. Because that never happened. Sher lied because she is a weak woman just like any woman on here who insulted me for my views on sluts. She is no different.

Gianna17 · Answer

You're allowed to like what you like, that doesn't mean im more likely to cheat because im shy lol.

Prima_Dana · Answer

I don't think shyness and submissiveness are directly correlated. Shyness is a personality trait, submissiveness has more to do with how you hand over trust.

KatherineJ · Answer

I think pretty much every woman is submissive in the bedroom.

What's your definition of submissiveness in a woman?

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