New relationship, but I still miss my ex

[Anonymous]

We haven't even dated 2 months but things have gotten pretty serious with a new guy I've been seeing. I don't like putting a time line to any relationship because everyone is different, but it might be too fast for some people's standards. He already told me he loves me, and I'm not sure I reciprocate yet. I may still be heartbroken for the last guy I fell for. He was my best friend for years, we told each other everything. Then we started sleeping together, but he didn't want a relationship. It still went off and on for 2 years before I ended things. Unfortunately it meant the friendship and everything else had to end. I still miss him. I feel bad because this new guy is great, but I'm still getting to know him. But the connection my ex and I had was amazing, we were practically soul mates. We finished each others' sentences. And I know that deep down we will always care deeply for one another. When he found out I started seeing someone, he wanted try being friends again, but I told him to leave me alone if he wanted me to be happy. I knew that things would not go well with this new relationship if my ex friend/lover was back in my life.

Some days I really miss him. When my new guy starts saying how he cares for me, sometimes the ex-guy comes to mind. I feel awful, but I don't know what I should do.

[vaestrada2]

I'm pretty much in the same situation. My ex broke up with me about 5 months ago. I was so in love with him and we were together for a long time. Anyway, in the beginning of the break-up, I started hanging out with my really close guy friend and he helped with the break up a lot. Well he ended up starting to like me. He wants a relationship, but I'm just not ready. I still think about my ex everyday. I miss him. Lately, when my friend does nice things for me, my mind quickly jumps to the good times my ex and I used to have. UGH! So annoying! This new guy might be wonderful, but if you're not ready then you're not ready. He also might just be a rebound. Good luck. Give yourself time to heal.

[Isobel86]

It's normal to miss the friendship but remember the reasons you broke up in the first place. Try and put your ex to the back of your mind and focus on your new relationship. If you break up after awhile well fine but at least it won't be because of you missing your ex. You said the new guy loves you, end it if your still unsure it would be unfair to him to half ass it.

[Asker]

I'm not half-assing, but I don't toss those words around unless I mean it. I don't think my new guy has really been in love, but I have. Actually I think it's more because he has never been heartbroken.

[Isobel86]

I totally agree with you, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it either. I didn't mean to offend you, what I meant was try not to bring him into your new relationship, try and forget about him for awhile. I went out with my best friend for 2 and a half years, he broke my heart and it took a very long time for me to see him and be OK with what happened. I see him now but not nearly as much and things aren't the same. But like you I missed the friendship and I missed his family. I hope things becom

[Isobel86]

Easier for you..

[Asker]

The thing is my current boyfriend knows about my ex. Well, he knows vaguely what happened, but he doesn't know who it is. However he knows the ex is still somewhat in my life because we have all our mutual friends. I wish I didn't tell the new guy, but at one point my ex was being erratic and was capable of anything, possibly sabotaging the new relationship. So I didn't want him to be "surprised" by something out of the blue. He doesn't seem too bothered, but keeps asking me who it is.

[Asker]

How long did it take to get over him? How did you start talking to your ex again? Or what made you start?

[Isobel86]

What could he say to sabotage it? Are you keeping something from your current boyfriend because if it were me unless I knew 100 he wouldn't tell your current beau I'd tell him myself, I wouldn't like that hanging over my head plus it'll give you time to explain it before a row, I know this from experience too lol... Honestly it took me almost a year to be truly over him but I was heartbroken, I went to bed crying and woke up crying but maybe that was for the loss of everything and it was the

[Isobel86]

My first love.. I stopped hanging around with him, I only went out with my girlfriends, one day after 10 -11 months we ran into each other, it was uncomfortable but he text me a few days later, it went from there. I don't know if I'm 100 percent over him but 99.. Time makes it easier, well for me.

[Asker]

I guess I am being unfair and keeping details of my past from him. But it's not relevant to our new relationship anyway. My ex's behavior has been erratic in the past. He says he wants what's best for me, but he has tried to take advantage of my feelings for his own needs. (I wanted a relationship, he said he only saw me as a friend, but would still try to sleep with me even though he knew of my feelings for him). Other times he has been the friend I once remembered.

[Asker]

We've had a turbulent past (my ex and I) so I wasn't sure how he'd react if he saw my new guy. Even a few girl friends of mine agreed that it was possible for him to say something really immature to the new guy in my life, when he really doesn't need to know. I don't think the new guy cares that much because I told him my past is my past, but he does joke around and try to guess who the ex is.

[Isobel86]

I think all guys are curious, it's human nature. I don't know him but trying to sleep with you all the while knowing your feelings is cruel maybe it was unintentional? If I were you I'd try my hardest to stay away, cut contact just for awhile. I know that's hard but try. If you ever wanna chat, mail me anytime.

[Vasillilaw]

In reality I think you started this new relationship way too soon. There may be nothing you can do, but if this new guy truly cares about you, you should be able to tell him that you are not ready for a relationship. As far as your ex goes, until you get over him you guys probably shouldn't be on speaking terms. Hope this helps. (:

[beastman88]

i don't even know why you would be in another relationship if you still care so much about your ex. either get over it or dump the guy your with, its definately not fair for him. if I was him and knew this I would dump you and find someone who put as much effort into the relationship as I am especially when he seems to care about you alot. forget about the past the past will never happen again, all that matters is right now, stop living in the past

[Quadrophonic84]

You can't control how you feel so don't waste time feeling bad about it. All you can control is what messages you send to this guy you're with. He's obviously nuts about you. You owe it to him to let him know exactly what you just told a bunch of strangers on the internet. I would bet he is going to end up hurt anyway. The sooner it happens, the less awful it will be for you both.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat right now and damned if I know the answer. I love my ex so much and think about him every day. We were so right for each other that I wonder if I'll ever find that kind of connection again, and I wish that we could get back together, but at the same time I know that there were serious problems with us that would still be exactly the same. I've been seeing a new guy and he's really caring, thoughtful, non-flaky, all the things that I wished my ex to be, but there just isn't that intense emotional connection. Even when he treated me badly, I wanted to spend every minute with my ex. The new guy is probably good for me, but I can't give him all of me because my heart isn't in it. I am really sad about this right now.

[Asker]

I feel the same way. Maybe we're attracted to guys who treat us poorly, but like the ones who treat us well. The classic "want what you can't have" scenario, perhaps.

[whiskeygirl33]

Geez sounds exactly what's been happening in my life...I hate all this feelings stuff! Miss the other guy like crazy, the new one says he's in love with me and I have no idea what to feel at all:(. I'm older and this has never happened to me and I'm not sure how to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Well as long as you don't mention this to your new boyfriend then I don't see a problem with you and your new boyfriend. As time goes on, you will know your new boyfriend more and fall more in love with him. When that happens you will forget your ex.

[Asker]

I'd like to at least be civil with my ex one day. Not anytime soon, but I do care for him as a friend. It's just hard to look at him and only think of him as a friend after our history.

[irykiryk]

Missing the ex could end up causing problems in the future. Make as little contact as possible if you can with the ex and if you happen to go to a party or someplace where he is there, simply walk away.

[Asker]

We have many mutual friends because we were friends for so long, so I hear about him whether I like it or not. Plus it means I still see him whenever we have get-togethers. I don't know if I have the strength to hate him forever.

[irykiryk]

Get your feeling in order, don't hate the guy but try to stay away. The last thing you want to do is fall for that feeling and do something with the ex while still in another relationship because it would cause pain and heartbreak to someone and yourself.

[Asker]

Do you think it's possible to be friends with an ex you have a long history with?

[irykiryk]

Yes it is, but the opposite has happened too.

[n0s0up]

Time heals all wounds. You aren't ready for the new guy. Let him know what's going on before he gets hurt too.

[Anonymous]

Listen to your heart. Things have strange ways of fixin themselves.

[brianccc]

New guy is bettah

[Tphilly187]

uh ohhhhh