To be honest it's really nothing technically wrong with The Notebook per se. Men overall should be loving and wanting to be with you. That is an overall expectation. As this is our reality in this Century anymore. As much as I don't agree with the carelessness of their relationship in this movie or book. I do expect a man to treat a woman with kindness and respect and Ashley have a desire to truly want to take care of his woman. Not have sex and then toss it to the side and say yeah I did it and I'm glad I've done it. That's not the relationship I want and that's definitely not the relationship that most women want and that's why many of us do get bitter. Because your act very entitled but then you're saying that we're the entitled ones. The same way many of you think that they are better women out there the same way that we think and know there are better men out there for us that will do those things that you won't do. So it really all depends on what type of person type of relationship in future you really want. I know for a fact I don't agree with toxic and toss away relationships. I have seen men that I very much like the person in the movie and they have very good relationships. But the problem is is that they sometimes off the end up with bad women that abused them just for being who he is. A man is supposed to be a provider, protector, and leader of his home. And that includes the person that he chooses to have as a wife. The problem is that a lot of these women are not appreciating good men like that but they say they want them so badly, but have yet to show where they're deserving of one.
The same can be said about men when women don't look/act the way specifically written characters architypes do in movies, or when men think women want the "warrior" that many movies feature.
Is it a fantasy for some people, sure. Does it actually brainwash them to think people will act like that, definitely not. Usually the bases for those characters are good people, or people trying to become good. That's what all people should want, and I'd get bitter myself if a person was purposely not trying to act decent and better themselves
Teens, absolutely, until they date in the real world and realize things aren't like in movies. Young women are the worst to date because of that, they expect the man to do everything, to treat them as princesses. You see those movies and the girl does nothing, no romantic gestures at all, and these girls grow up thinking men don't need that, thinking all we need to satisfy us is sex. Then they keep banging into walls, wall after wall till they grow up and realize men have needs and have more depth than those in movies, so either they change and adapt to real men, or they will remain single or with shit men.
In the end, most women realize this, it's just the teenage years and early 20's.
That level of love still exist in men.. you have to choose wisely.. if a guys is only focused on sniffing stuffs he is not gonna get settled or be that person.. you should not ignore the signs.. and in some cases girls are that way that the guy changes himself to be upto her expectations.. for eg. I used be that guy who used bang every opportunity but then I meet my most recent ex who was looking for a NOHA and I was happy to be that to her.. we had so much love that i don't know if I can find it in any relationship.. we are still good frnds but just not romantic together.. I know this sounds complicated but thats how our relationships was..
Yes, i think it slightly has the same affect porn those on men, it gives women unrealistic expectations on relationships and makes them believe they need to create unnecessary drama to get a reaction from their man which in reality is very emotionally abusive.
I used to think like this, if the guy was a jerk and treated me badly, i stupidly thought he'd come chasing after me to apologise and change his ways for the better and we'd live happily ever after. These flims sometimes glamorize toxic relationships and its unhealthy reputation of how relationships work.
I hate these teen romance story lines were the cool, popular guy goes after the nerdy, plain jane as dare and ends up falling for her. Like all she needed to be happy was a hot guy whos ego was so big he assumed shed just stupidly fall for his charm and eventually forgive him for manipulating her because he saved her from not being a hot popular girl.
I don’t think it’s that hard for a man to act like that. Some of it is unrealistic but the bottom line is that there actually are men who care about more than just sex. There are men who really care for a certain woman and would move heaven and earth to be with her.
The rom-com man is thoughtful and let’s her know that she cares and visa versa.
My opinion is that a lot of dudes get SUPER lazy after they’ve “got” the girl. Like, some just don’t give a shit anymore. Sometimes it’s just a dude getting comfortable with his lady but sometimes it’s just laziness.
If guys pursued girls like they do in movies the girl would have called him a creep 10 times over and got a restraining order in place. But in movies it's 'romantic' to chase a girl for eternity.
Agree about guys getting comfortable after getting the girl though but you can't blame them for all the effort involved to get there.
Movies are fantasies. Real people neither expect their partners to look like movie stars nor act in "scripted" romantic ways of a Nicholas Spark novel. (he really is an inferior, sappy writer anyway) Maybe little teen agers fall for this, but grown women? If that's their headspace, they'll be disappointed their whole lives. Realistically, grown women want respect and kindness and love. Some guys do the hearts and flowers thing, some don't. Some talk a good line, others can't. Over time, couples find their depth and know what to expect. A silly novel? I'd say no.
There's nothing wrong in particular with ideals of romance. They are the base for passion in the first place. Now do women have unfair expectations, yes probably, do men have unfair expectations yes of course! But it's not specific to one or the other and it's especially not because of movies Who doesn't want romance and passion, and an ideal love to strive towards... Maybe you don't, in that case you have to find a woman who doesn't want that either, it's just that people value different things, not that it's specific to all women but a certain number of them
And by the way let me say more... There's hardly an expectation you can't live up to in that specific movie. Girls love Noah because he's loyal, he knows what he wants, he's confident, and yes he loves one woman and is willing to do anything to win her over, no matter how many sticks get in his weals along the way. Sure his looks are in his favor you might say. But it's after all not such an unrealistic thing to desire of a partner. In fact I would pride myself in offering just that for a woman that i consider to be the one for me...
It is the same when women watch romantic Korean dramas. Men say they can't live up to those standards either. I think if men at least strive for the minimum level of those standards it make sense. It usually means not cheating, being responsible human beings and giving some care and attention to the woman they are with at least some of the time. And listening even if it is with half a ear. A lot of women don't want fancy stuff, lavish dinners or flowers all the time. They just want their SO to make time for them.
I don't watch a lot of romcoms, but I think any form of media you consume on a regular basis can effect you to some extent.
My favorite movie/book is The Princess Bride. I love that movie, it's funny, has lots of action, and a gooey romance plot. Honestly I want a man like Wesley. I want someone who will be loyal to me, is funny, cares about me more then anything, and I can talk to about anything. He'll give me a hard time when I mess up, but at the end of the day he still loves me and that is more important then whatever silly thing we were fighting over.
I want a man that will not cheat on me, listen to me, and love me as much as I love him. In return I'll do the same for him.
If that's unreasonable then yes, I'm a brainwashed crazy person, and I'll stick to my fantasies thank you.
I'm a girl. I would say yes. Fo sure, it influences us... as for brainwash, I don't know... a girl in touch with reality should know how to adjust her expectations... an actor is an actor... but it does to a extent shape our ideals. It doesn't necessarily shape our standards. Seeing the scale there? ideal vs standards... Of course this doesn't apply to all women.
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How does it influence you think? Do women expect guys to act like the people in movies if so I feel like that is brainwashing
Mhh never seen that movie, not the type of romance I like, too over sugared. My sister did watched though but never seen her expecting nothing unrealistic and childish. I suppose it depends on the person. I think most people know the difference between fiction and reality, but some young women might like to believe that fairy tale is real, just like some young men could believe that some porn is realistic when it's exagerately theatrical.
I... I watch Avengers. But I'm realistic about the world and know that I can't jump off buildings and do superhero landings - or prevent a helicopter from taking off while clinging one-handed to the rail of a building's rooftop. :/
@dantetheexplorer It would worry me if you weren't realistic about that... but... who knows, maybe you would become something like Kick-Ass, not an Avenger but it's something, I suppose.
@AlienParasite Thank you. It's so that you and I can fight crime on the streets of Madrid with cool-sounding names. I mean, you already have "Alien Parasite" which is cool-sounding, but "dantetheexplorer" doesn't exactly strike fear in the hearts of evil-doers. So, now I'm "Hit-Girl" :D
Do action movies brainwash guys into thinking they need to be a super hero? The qualities of characters in romcom movies or movies are generally exaggerated versions of what we all should aspire to be, but in the end, they are just fiction. No need for guys or girls to get their panties in a bunch.
Yes. The Notebook has a horrible main guy character that doesn't take no for an answer. And the woman cares about this man but doesn't try and fight for him when push comes to shove. Romcoms teach women that the first man you have a bit of chemistry with is the one for you. Which isn't true.
How is the guy horrible just 'cause he doesn't take no for an answer? He didn't cross any lines or do anything illegal. He wasn't some ugly dude with mental issues chasing her. Most women like to be chased. It's been like that long before you and I were born.
I see your point. When I say he doesn't take no for an answer I'm talking about the scene when he hangs from the ferris wheel at a hight, that is not safe if he were to fall, and stays there until she says she'll go out with him. And before this she had already told him no when he first asked her to go out.
I feel the same way. It’s like the whole movie he keeps putting effort towards her and you see her do nearly nothing for him. In a real relationship partners do things for each other and make romantic gestures for each other. In this movie the guy literally rebuilds an entire house for her and yet she still almost goes away from him. The expectation in reality should be that both men and women expel energy for the other, not so one sided.
I see them as movies giving hope those kind of guys do exist. Fortunately for me I married one for 11 years now. I gave him nickname as my Mr Perfect 10. We've been through the ups and downs but whenever I watch those kind of movies I realize to be thankful with what I have. To reminiscence the first time we fell in love and why I fell in love with him in the first place.
That's incredibly sweet <3 A lot of girls say men like this don't exist, but they do It's just holding up until you find one, and you are worthy of each other, etc Instead of giving in to a run of the mill.
Yes, in exactly the same way porn "brainwashes" men.
Those kinds of movies give women unrealistic expectations about what to expect from men and relationships, just like porn gives men unrealistic expectations about what to expect from women and relationships.
The truth is there are a (very!) few men who meet the fantasy level of expectations set by chick flics, and a few very lucky women who get to be in relationships with them. And likewise, there are a (very!) few women who perform in bed like porn stars, and a few lucky men who get to be with them.
But fr the rest of it, neither is realistic. Just fantasy
You have to understand their 'standards' are just an expression of their FEELINGS. It is ALWAYS about the FEELZ. Women will put a LOT of effort into defining what they expect, and virtually nothing on developing high-value they would bring to a relationship. For the most part, they're just sure if they simply show up with their golden-golden vagina they're, well, golden. ;)
I mean, in the Notebook he was obsessed with her and forced her to date him by threatening to commit suicide. Normal women would file a restraining order on someone like him, he was an emotionally unstable man throughout his life and probably this is more of a story about how there is someone for everyone because she loved him despite his... "shortcomings".
But to adress rom-coms as a whole - I think it greatly depends on the person and how they have been brpught up. There are those who tend to set unrealistic expectations, invent an imaginary perfect guy/girl in their head and the second a potential partner does not match one small generally insignificant criteria - they are out or at least have to endure the frustrations of the delusional person. And then there are normal people who just have certain expectations and standards and who live up to those standards themselves.
No It doesn't brainwash women. We wish more men were like this, but It's rare. We just hold out until we find someone we match with and love, we aren't looking for exactly this. But we are looking for someone thats a gentleman and can return the love and care we give, that's all most of us ask.
Maybe they are trying to tell you what you aren't doing, how you are letting them down, and not being the man that they need? When your girlfriend wants to watch one of these, with you, PAY ATTENTION!! She is telling you what she wants, and would LOVE, from you!!
I think if you want a comparison, compare it to mainstream porn. It’s not necessarily brainwashing as you put it. However, It does set unrealistic standards, which often leads to disappointment. However, as one ages they usually understand reality from Hollywood.
Well they are kind of like fairytales... they are an ideal that we may think is nice when we are younger but then we have real relationships and we grow up. Instead of something superficial or intense we may prefer an actual personal connection, something chill and just sharing some hobbies
I think it goes waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay past just the movies. (Think like a Christmas tree; movies are like "the star" @ the top, and all that merchandising they *need* @ the bottom sets the speed of an economy...) 😅
... and then unskilled guys come by and wonder why their flannel gets caught in the wood chipper, like "whoops! THAT ain't love!" (But man, the stories they come up with explaining how it was...)🤣
Honestly I hate when women expect that, they complain about being held to a certain beauty standard, well harsh truth you can change your appearance both plastic and natural but its inhumane to change someone's behaviour which is the real issue with women's beauty standards as well. But no I dont think any note worthy woman would hold a grudge of you not being Brad Pitt or Sam from supernatural, I used those examples because this also spreads to looks for guys
I don't think it brainwashes women. It surely creates unrealistic expectation, but any mature woman knows that movies are fantasy, men will not behave this way. If a woman expects you to behave like Noah, then she's surely delusional. Just as men have female fantasies, women have male fantasies. However that doesn't mean that we are realistically expecting you to be that way. At least I don't expect a guy to be a perfect book/movie character.
Armourdillo. You realize men being taller is biology right? Lol. Men are biologically (naturally) supposed to be taller than women. Of course it doesn’t always happen because let’s say a girl has a mom who is 5’8(which by the way is average height for a white woman) and a father who is 5’10, she’s going to be closer to her mother’s height, maybe even 5’9. But part of it also goes to race. I’m Hispanic, and the average height is way lower. The average height of a Hispanic Male is only 5’7. So we get differentials in height between men and women because nothing is segregated anymore (not saying segragation is good).
@Angie221994 so any man shorter than a woman is a biological failure. So if the tallest person in the world is woman at any given time, then men are not doing their job.
Lol “correcting”. You don’t correct it man. People are going to reproduce whether by accident or not with people they want to sleep with. You can’t be like “hey you can’t sleep with him because your kid might be a boy and you’re both short so he’s gonna be short” YOU CANNOT DO THAT. And also, what tf are you worried about? Population wise there are way more woman than they are men. Like the ratio is 3 to 1. You should be happy about those odds. That means your chances of not ending up alone is less than a woman’s. A woman is bound to be shorter than you. Shit. Im 4’11 and the people in my area are all short. Even the guys, (albeit not as short as I am) but they’re shorter than average and I still think it’s tall. You have to realize that a girl my height is gonna think a guy that’s 5’5 is tall to her 🤷♀️ I’ve even dated shorter. Because there’s NO REASON for me to be going around looking for someone taller. There’s no point. They’re gonna be taller regardless.
But this whole “how do you propose correcting this?” You have to be so far away lost to think that. You CANNOT tell people who to have kids with according to physical height. You’re just crazy.
Also. I’m pretty sure it’s impossible for the tHe tallest person to be a woman. Right now it’s a man like at 7ft tall. And he’d have to have a daughter with someone equally as tall (there isn’t a woman that tall btw) but even if he had a daughter with the tallest woman, who is like 6’3. The daughter would be around the moms height. And there are men out there who ARE taller than that. You have to realize the daughter is never biologically going to be taller than the dad. Sons however, can be taller
The kind of love you see in romance movies is what most women crave. They long for the type of everlasting love and happyever after relationship you see in the movies , fairytales and romance novels. But they cling to an realistic hope because that type of love is non-existent, and it places too much pressure on their relationship and on their partner. No one can live up to the expectations of a fairytale romance. It's just fantasy. I think most women know it's unrealistic , but live in hope
Well Its not bad to have standards. Noah was a hard worker, loved whole heartedly, and never gave up. Those are good qualities. I think its normal to want to be swept off your feet
If movies didn't do it somebody else would. Bridal magazines have brainwashed women & men a lot more though. Men now waste money on a diamond engagement ring and a white wedding dress. Watch Adam Ruins engagement rings and God.
Absolutely. Lots of women complain about how men have this expectation of them during sex that they get from porn. Even men have admitted that sex is much different than they expected from porn.
I mean. You realize men have the same unrealistic expectations also because they watch porn. And then men get bitter when women don’t meet those standards. 🤷♀️
I dont see how its brain washing when things like this do exist and have happened. Its not impossible most people just dont give a just to try as hard.
Never watched those movies except for some rom coms. I like all genres of comedy. I think it does ruin reality for some women though just like porn could alter the expectations of sex for some men.
No. A lot of young women today aren't interested in romance while they actually become more gritty. If anything, it's stuff like 50 Shades of Gray that probably brainwash them.
Most of the women in my own life kind of hate romcoms😂 So... I’d say no, to answer your question. But I don’t know every female on earth so I don't know really.
Slightly. But as a mature adult I think you come to realize what parts of those movies are way too over the top versus actually something important and manageable to have in a relationship
I hate romantic movies xDD They just seem so silly to me. I honestly don't get it why is it so popular. I like the idea of love but what they show in these movies is usually cringey to me.
Nah, but seriously, we were preyed on since we were little girls for generations with all the Disney princesses and stories. We were groomed into a mindset that made us believe that if we were pretty enough and we sat still long enough, that our prince charmings would sweep us off our feet and carry us into happily ever after land. It can take a lot to wake up and unlearn all of that, especially when you're still fed these things constantly.
Good that at least someone has learnt that. I see to many girls/women that expect men to take the first step. At the same time it feels like guys are getting crucified for taking the first step or trying to talk to women
@_William_ I still have much to learn, everyone does. Tbh, I can still fall victim to those movies and stories. Sometimes it's more comfortable to indulge in a fantasy than bear to face reality. However, overall I'm usually sick of the cheesy overdone crap. I'll usually go for something more raw like Blue Valentine, where *spoiler start* Ryan gets with Michelle but in the end they struggle to keep the passion they had in the beginning *spoiler end*. Relationships aren't always pretty, but that's life.
Nobody deserves anything without putting in effort and work and looks shouldn't get you a free pass. This goes both ways for men and women. I see this often being projected by women that they shouldn't settle for anything less and men don't deserve them but suddenly when it comes to the men's wallets or good looking men no matter how bad the women's personality, looks or social status is she apparently deserves the best looking or richest guy. Pure hypocrisy
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