So.. I’m 21 years old and I have never had a boyfriend before, I’m still a Virgin. I don’t wanna sound cocky but I have been told that I’m really pretty or that I have a great smile, guys talk to me but ghost me a little bit after. But I have my best friend of 11 years who is H to the O to the T and guys fall to her feet, I’m already suffering from low self esteem and to make things worse there is this guy at my job that I had a crush on for a while, he would show some signs of liking me back but then he turns around and asks my best friend out. My question is have you ever gone through this before? And how did you get through it. I love my best friend but I’m not gonna lie I’m jealous
Personally I think you should forget how the world looks at you and see yourself for what u are, And the fact that you have a moral compass. It's bad ass that ur still a virgin and here is why. Bare with me... Imagine your Eve and you have just met Adam you are his perfect match down to the DNA as he is to you.. you were made for him you got in every aspect.. you have never known heart brake or been assaulted or cheated on because you only know him as your one true love and you live a wonderful life together and you. Now imagine you decide that you don't want to be with just one person because you want experience you want to have excitement and life to live how u want, but you meet all kinds of guys that brake your heart and hurt u in lots of ways so now you have become jaded to a relationship period you think every man is out for one thing and you don't trust anyone... Because men are assholes... Then along comes the man you were supposed to meet and be with .. buy now because of everything you have been through you tell him to piss off because your tired of being hurt.. and you live the rest of your life alone and pissed off and a man hater.. all because you wanted to give in to what the world wanted. The moral is don't pay attention to what others think or if they just are not interested, it's because all they want is to get in your pants.. and since they know they can't have it they burn off... It will be the one that hangs with you and waits for you to be ready.. he is the one to keep... Your probably beautiful and I'm sure I would love to have the honor of making everyone jealous by choosing you over your friend.. because that's who I am... But I can only say fuck them and good riddance.. they fall at your friends. Feet because she probably catches them with open thighs... You keep your head up and smile your beautiful..
To be honest, I have been through much of what you are saying. Growing up, I felt I was not the best looking person in the world as compared to those around me. My closest cousin, was the first person I envied growing up because girls were always interested in me. They thought he was sexy, good-looking, etc. I have had many friends who I felt looked better than me or were more appealing to me as well that were all in great relationships. I myself have not been in that many relationships either, nor have I been in one for the past 6-7 years. Although I guess now I am learning that the best approaches to have in these situations is not letting the emotions and anxiety engulf who you can be.
They always say being "confident" makes others more attractive. This is something that I am practicing now as a guy myself. When you wage in on who you are as a person, you begin to understand your worth. Just because others (your friend for instance) may seem more aesthetically pleasing than you, that does not make you any less beautiful. DO NOT let false misconceptions of yourself get THE BEST (and notice I put that in caps) of who YOU are.
Don't worry about how your friend looks or how other guys approach her. You're just as beautiful, believe in that.
Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes you wish you could be someone right now cuddling to the point where you know that is your companion who you could enjoy. Feeling lonely and questioning our worth is something that I completely understand and have been doing for the past couple years. But I am learning to change things up in myself.
It is all in the perspective. Change what you pay attention to.
I feel that’s always the case. Every pair of besties has that “hot” one. The one who’s had way more relationships and luck with guys than you. Who goes out more and gets attention from a guy over you. I’m the “ugly” of the pair so I understand just how you feel. I think that feeling is normal though. But I love her and care about her. Been besties for 9 years now, so I’m not gonna hold it against her.
I guess the best advice I have is to not let it bother you. Seriously. Because that one special guy will come along. And truth is, even though it may seem like she gets “luckier” with guys, that doesn’t always mean those relationships will be successful. They’ll initially see her for looks and not on personality. My bestie is pretty but she hasn’t had the longest relationships either. They realize they’re just not compatible. You’ll probably be better at keeping a guy because he will have gotten to know you. And who’s to say he won’t think you’re pretty either? We’re too hard on ourselves lol I’m in a relationship now. The best I’ve ever been in. Like, we’re talking future together. And so is my bestie. She’s also in the best relationship she’s ever been in. Yet, she’s had more boyfriends than me. So you see it really doesn’t matter! We’re both at the same point.
Damn I know that was a long response but hopefully you understood what I was saying lol seriously don’t sweat it!
My best friend is a 5'10" blonde blue eyed German who, once in a mall, made some guy walk full on into a pole. I mean she was gorgeous (still is). I'm 5'1", curvy, at that time my hair was iffy, I wore glasses and felt like a fucking loser, but we hung out because we had similar personalities. People loved her. They threw dick at her like crazy. I had one crush that liked me ditch me to hang with her (she rejected him because she knew he was my crush). So basically, what you do is you play up your strengths. I'm a quirky weirdo and it works for me. She's beautiful and gets stuck with assholes more often than not, because she was too nice to hold out for someone good.
My point is, play up your strengths. Not everyone likes the same thing. Fine tune your look and style and be yourself.
Don't compare yourself to other people, ever. Friend or not, there will always be someone who does or has something better than you, it shouldn't matter, focus on being the best version of yourself. There must be a reason why the guys start ghosting you, try to learn from your friend or anyone who knows how to deal with men. Once you feel confident in yourself as a person and truly feel you are enough for any guy, you will not care if your friend gets a lot of attention. You will know one right guy is worth all of these vain flakes who just go after the good looking face.
Well, I mean with being 17, the only crushes I've ever really had are schoolgirl type crushes- and I was never confident enough to pursue them so just faded.
I'm 17, now and at this moment in time, I'm just anti-relationship😂I mean don't get me wrong I want someone someday but not yet, studying is already stressful enough as it is- I don't need a boy to add to that stress😂
So yes, many of my friends who are girls are so much prettier than me, but that doesn't bother me in the slightest. :)
oh definitely. In HS my friends was the same, he made girls melt and drop their you know what's occasionally. He was bad news, knocked up a girl, and moved on. But they still loved him. Even at my 25th reunion one girlfriend was still gaga over him. He was a selfish dick by the way, but I understand why girls love them, it's fine, it's nature.
What can you do... there are guys that don't go for those girls and go for "average", or other attributes. There is no way around physical attraction, but emotional must be there as well. Some people have that charisma. If you can't compete, then that other girlfriend gotta put on some hideous makeup and clothes... although I find that doesn't work for either...
I had this same problem 10 years ago aaaand because of that I still have tonnes of insecurities now. I just wish there was someone there to tell me not all the guys fall for girls as your friend, that there will be a guy that will think she's not that hot and you're prettier. And it's true. Later you'll see that on your own. Just my advice to you don't go for guys that show even the slightest interest in your friend. It will just hurt your feelings. Be positive about your body. There are many guys out there and not all of them like the same type of girls. (Says a person with experience 🙂🙃)
My first "friend" (at least I thought he is one), girls called us "David and Adonis". I turned out "Adonis" is bi and interested in David's butt. My player friend, code name "Miro". He didn't accept bad looking guys as friends. Miro used his friends as baits for women a bad looking friend has no value for him. But Miro has style, another guy can learn a lot from him. My long term friend "Micha". His girlfriend is a hairdresser and she uses his pretty model face and hair for her job. Micha's face looks good, but he is 160cm. I've seen too often that female's interest suddenly disappears after those girls recognized that he is short. Typical guy for Men's Health, with lot of problems in real life. Friends are friends, not competitors.
I was always the cute guy of the bunch, so I can't really say I know how you feel.
The fact that guys ghost you, is probably because they feel you're not right for them. I never ghosted my ugly female friends, but I've ghosted girls whose personality is too much for me even if they're pretty.
I feel stupid for resorting to ghosting, but I've never been good at flat out rejecting people...
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I'm in the same boat, 21 never had a boyfriend and my bestie is very hot (has many guys after her and has had a bf). But things change. Once I improved my confidence, stopped comparing my beauty and started looking more natural and effortless, guys were more interested in me. We went on vacation together and every single man was interested in me. She was quiet jealous. I say focus on improving yourself and your confidence and the men will come. Jealousy is normal but don't let it consume you. Appreciate her beauty but don't let it outshine yours. I'm now able to appreciate my friends beauty, while still knowing I'm beautiful too. And if we're in a situation and she gets more attention, I don't feel bad anymore. It took a long time to get here though, not too long ago I would practically be invisible in her shadow.
I'm still a virgin. Waiting for the right one and also really shy. I expect I'll be 23 before I find her. I'm hardly in peak physical shape in my early 20s but I'm far from fat too. I'm a big tattooed guy so it just makes me laugh when people assume shit about me.
Can't see anyone stating the obvious. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Naturally we all think lowly of ourselves and see beauty around us but as cliché as it is, we are all beautiful. And hotness is again an opinion. I have a dad bod but someone will love me for it.
Don't get yourself down, be glad you haven't just slept with someone just cos he said the right things. You need to feel the right things too.
Its true. Your friend is hotter. But you can be hot too. Have some confidence. Wear great clothes. AND be more on your own with guys not with your friend. Get that make up on and keep your hair long and down.
You have physical qualities your friend doesn't have. You have amazing boobs. You also have nice hips. Learn to walk with cockiness like a runsway model. You will turn heads. You are sexy but in ways that she can't be.
Embrace your youth. Almost everyone is hot at 21. By 41 most of the ones that were hot are dead or wrecked.
Your job is to find out where you belong. Don't let society tell you who you are. Learn the things that are important to you and place a high value on your time.
Men your age are usually too dumb to see what success looks like, but the guys with houses, cars, and good jobs are feed up with floozies and would be "all in" with a woman who keeps herself right.
Yes 🙄 at school both my best friends were super hot and very vain and popular. But I was witty and genuine and I pulled so pretty desirable guys :) oh plus I was virgin but had a reputation for giving good head 😂😂
No. I remember this one guy who used to hang out with me when I was in the Marines. He did so because I’d hook him up with girls I passed up on and once and a while he’d distract the jealous and/or ugly/fat friend of the one I was trying to get with.
If your the one on the right the solution is simple. Just hit the gym and watch what you eat.
End the friendship!.. Tell her.. It's nothing wrong with her.. Or between us.. But even though she cares about you. Her mere presence is killing your chances..
Or there is one Savage alternative Route that can be amazing.. Ask her to re-invent your physically.. Don't get hurt by her comments.. Ask her to teach you how to be desirable for men..
This is a known psychological effect, its not your fault, we tend to judge people's looks by whoever is standing next to them, if you have a very beautiful person next to you, you will look uglier, and if you have an ugly person you will look prettier. It's subconscious. Our brains are bad at measuring stuff
Yes and in she’s better than me at almost all aspects like she’s hotter, friendlier, and famous. I get jealous but not a serious type of jealousy. Nevertheless, I still hang out with her all the time and try to shine in my own ways
Yeah, It's happened, but in the end, I've always valued my friendships more over new potential mates. When I was single, my friends have even helped me meet guys.
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