The absent boyfriend - what to do?

[Anonymous]

I'm rather hung up on what to do.

We're in an LDR, and starting from next week I don't even think I'll be able to see him more than 3 weeks until September. First off he's got his uni exams, which is understandable, but then he's going on numerous holidays with well, everyone else but me. He even blew off our holiday plans to go to europe with the lads - when I especially arranged those dates because I knew he'd be away at other times.

It's hard enough in an LDR as it is, but I always thought he'd be around a bit more - to skype, text, whatever. I feel like I've lost him to his new life. I understand work takes a priority, as work is important to me too (I'm also at uni away from home); but I feel like I'm put below his mates from home, his flatmates and I feel like I'm at the bottom of his list of priorities.

I just feel like I'm being pushed to the sidelines, and he's leaving me behind for his 'new life'. I'm not 'set in the past' so to speak, but I've always been there for him and I feel like my self esteem has taken a bashing.

What should I do?

[Quorra89]

I went 6 months without seeing my ex boyfriend when we were together. I hated when people would complain that they had to go 2 weeks without seeing their b/f. It isn't that big of a deal when you think about soldier girlfriends and wives. (My ex wasn't a soldier fyi, that was something I had to tell myself to remind me that I didn't have it the worst). You have to remind yourself that you both have lives outside of each other so he doesn't have to constantly be on facebook, skype, or text you etc. My ex didn't have texting on his phone, and he worked and had "raid nights" for WoW. The WoW part pissed me off but I dealt with it. At night before he went to bed we'd talk for an hour or two and then he'd go to bed. That was it, and it worked. I had to get used to not being able to talk to him as often since when he was in college he had more time. He's spending time with his buddies? Spend time with yours too! He'll start to miss you if he realizes you aren't as available. It made my boyfriend at the time nervous when I got busy and he started to put in a little more of an effort.

[Quorra89]

If he doesn't seem to care that he isn't spending time with you, then it's time to dump him. You'll find someone you deserve that will treat you much better.

[Asker]

I understand that we have lives away from each other, don't get me wrong - I mean, for the most part of a year we're in an LDR away from each other, which is why during holiday time I want to spend as much time with him as I can. I just feel that even when we are together these days, none of the time is truly devoted to just us two - he's either playing a video game, texting his lads or ringing them up to see if they want to come and hang out with us.

[question_girl]

hmm... I won't say "dump him"..u can't just dump him because he is going to a euro trip with his friends. look rather than nagging him about it and asking him "why ! why! why! why not me!...i am not imp enough for u"... you can just sound all sad and tell him how imp he is and how you like to spend more time with him...then tel him that you understand that he wants to spend time with his friends but for a relationship to work you both should spend some quality time too. and that you are disappointed because he had made so many plans...but its ok...he can go but from next time you want your time!

and if he continuous behaving like this then you can dump him

[Anonymous]

Well just take it slow. When I was in a long distance relationship we at least wrote 2-5 letters on facebook letting each other know how much we cared about one another. And at least have a 1 hour a day skype to let each other know you care about one another. some things we did on skype is watch free movies online or share youtube songs that we liked, and also we would read poetry or romantic self help books over skype. one thing we did over love letters is write poems and write a list of things you like about each other or things you both have in common. be creative and try to keep it close even though it is long distance. good luck

[Distant]

Break up with him. Girlfriends are supposed to be near the top of your priority list. If he's choosing to go to Europe with mates instead of seeing you or maybe even trying to include you in his travel plans then he's not considering your feelings. Better to end it sooner rather than later. Either that or have a serious talk with him and ask why he hasn't included you in his plans.

~Distant

[Anonymous]

Dump him. If he's not even trying to spend vacation time with you when he doesn't see you normally, he's basically done with you anyway. I wouldn't be surprised if he's working on seeing other people himself.

[rallz93]

I think it would be best if your relationship ended for the moment.He has other priorities right now ., and you should set up your too ! ,or you just need to talk with him about this !

[Anonymous]

well you should talk to him about it and tell him you understand that he has all his stuff to do but you feel like your the last priorty and if he seems kinda jerkish and you lose feelings then let him go because I may not know you but I'm going to gess that if he treats you bad that you diserve a lot better because everyone diserves someone special he will just be missin out if he loses you and he will relize that