Boyfriend has become distant after break?

[Anonymous]

So me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 years, but we had a nine month break around 3 years ago. We basically broke up around 3 years ago and then got back together after nine months. But since we got together, he changed a lot. He doesn't talk as much as he used to and we sometimes don't have contact for days. He doesn't show much affection either, seems annoyed and bored almost all the time. The relationship overall has become distant. Whenever I try to talk with him about it, he declines or ignores. Has he maybe lost his feelings for me? I am thinking about breaking up often, but can't do it, cause my feelings are still very strong. Is there maybe a way to make him more interested again?

[DaveJord]

So let me share my thoughts here by relating a personal experience of mine to you. Maybe it helps and maybe it's doesn't. It's all of what you want to make of it.

Full disclosure... I have no idea of the intimate details of you break up or getting back together. So honestly, I do not care. I am addressing this question on the facts given at face value.

It is often said the good guys finish last and girls always want the bad boys. Well, I guess there is some truth to it, but guys are just as terrible about it as woman are.

I would say two women in my life, other than my ex-wife... out of dozens of woman. I have dated, they were amazing, and I loved the time we spent together, and it was a lot of fun. But as whole they were not good to me, and for one reason or the other we broke up. I have never reached out to them, but I still think about them from time to time. I miss the times we shared together.

If they would contact me would I date them again? Honestly, I probably would date them, but I can't imagine it would be easy for me on an emotional level to get back to where we were. When you put effort into moving on from someone and you actually manage to do achieve that to some degree... it is super hard to open yourself back out to those possibilities. Because you have put up barriers, and it hard to forget the hurt.

Honestly how often to people truly change. I think people in general strife to be better and improve themselves in the things they say and do, but how much do they truly change?

On some level, they are who the are, and have always been. It didn't work the first time for reasons, and I can't imagine a situation where it would work a second time.

Like I said I don't know the specific details of your relationship and I don't care. I just know for me that any woman I would try to date a second time... is probably a woman I really loved at some point even though she wasn't good for me. Even though I probably still have feelings for her on some level, I know it probably would not be a healthy situation for me.

[xolaurenxx]

I’m not sure if this is me saying young minded advice since I’m 20 but in situations like this I always go distant and match energy. If you feel as though he’s being distant I’d speak to him about it and communicate, if he ignores you and declines it as you said it just says a lot about him. If you’re telling him how you feel and he’s not making an effort to change I’d just take a step back maybe? Speak to him about it, see if he changes his efforts but if not I’d say just either break up or go distant and see if it gets to him?