Why when girls friend zone you they keep you around for free attention and validation?

[Anonymous]

[Yuushiro]

?
I'm not sure what you're asking.
I think you mean something along the lines of: "why don't girls just turn you down instead of friendzoning you, and dragging you along with them for attention?"

Some of them do, but not all of them, and the ones that do are immature. Some girls friendzone you because they really do just want to be friends. They might trust you, but not be attracted to you. Or they might like you, but not feel comfortable dating you for some reason.
Also, it's not all the easy to turn someone down without hurting their feelings, and friendzoning someone can be an easy way that doesn't end in someone feeling hurt... or at least AS hurt.

[Asker]

Well I told her I liked her but don’t want to date her. I think she is just using me for attention because clearly she isn’t being a friend.

[egarcia1360]

That's why it's called friend zoning in the first place. It shouldn't be "free attention" but mutual attention and respect, just like a friendship with a guy. I don't think they do it out of malice, rather quite the opposite — instead of outright ghosting or shunning you, they see it as merciful to keep you as a friend even after you showed interest. You may see that as a form of torture, but it's up to you in that case to end the friendship if it's too painful for you.

[Asker]

It’s not torture for me because yes I like her I think she is cute but I don’t want to date her and the reasons why are irrelevant at this point. My problem is she wants to be friends but she is a terrible friend. That is why I feel she just text me for attention because she doesn’t want to meet up

[egarcia1360]

Well, if you're suggesting meeting one-on-one, she probably sees that as you failing to take the hint and continuing to ask her out on a date. You could try making your intentions extremely clear, but there's no guarantee she'll believe you and/or change her mind, so you may just have to accept that.

[Asker]

I only suggested to meet one on one once and I stopped after she failed to show up. Every other time I invited her to tag along in groups of 3-4 people and she still won’t come. At this point what are we doing? We aren’t friends. It’s as clear as she doesn’t want to be around me so why should I entertain someone that has such little respect for me?

[egarcia1360]

Well, in that case, you're right; it isn't worth the effort. I don't think that's a thing all or most girls do so much as this one in particular is being bitchy about it. Probably best to cut your losses and move on.

[Asker]

Absolutely most girls don’t do this. This one is a little too immature and that is one reason why I would never date her. Plus she is a liar. Here me out if someone is texting you not all the time but checking on you it should be okay to invite them out right? This girl would text sometimes after midnight saying I’m thinking about you. She played games and I got tired of it. I lost my self respect dealing with her

[Cherokeehp]

No they keep you around because they consider you a FRIEND. That’s why it’s called the FRIENDzone. Do men not understand how friendship works?

[Asker]

No I think I woman don’t understand how friendship work. Throwing someone aside until you need something isn’t friendship. Texting someone only when you are bored isn’t friendship. Only dealing with someone when people when people you actually want to talk to is unavailable is not friendship. Constantly flaking when inviting someone out is not friendship.

[Cherokeehp]

Then perhaps you should stop making yourself available for someone that doesn’t want you.

[Asker]

It has nothing to do with her not wanting me. It has everything to do with why are you hitting me up if you aren’t interested in meeting up? I see no point in doing that

[Cherokeehp]

Stop making yourself available.

[Asker]

I got one better I should just cut off the whole situation

[Cherokeehp]

That’s pretty much what I meant.

[Asker]

Oh okay I’m sorry. Do you think it is right what she is doing or did? It’s like she is saying I want nothing to do with you but I’ll keep you hooked with a occasional text

[Cherokeehp]

I think it’s a toxic thing, but I think it’s common. I think she’s using you, but people can only use you like that if you allow them to. If you don’t wanna want to get played then don’t play her game.

[Asker]

I stopped it and dead this issue. She tried to play the victim and said I’m making her out to be a bad person. She was being “real and nice”.

[Cherokeehp]

Ignore her.

[Asker]

Okay will try

[leafygreen]

If you’re friend zoned she wants to be friends with you. It’s not about validation.

[Asker]

No I think I woman don’t understand how friendship work. Throwing someone aside until you need something isn’t friendship. Texting someone only when you are bored isn’t friendship. Only dealing with someone when people when people you actually want to talk to is unavailable is not friendship. Constantly flaking when inviting someone out is not friendship.

[leafygreen]

You never mentioned any of that before. That changes things.

[Asker]

Sorry about that. I only feel she uses me for attention and validation because of this. Even if she doesn’t feel the same if she wanted to be friends she wouldn’t treat me like this.

[leafygreen]

You need to just stop talking to her

[Asker]

How should a friendship look like under these circumstances?

[leafygreen]

If it was me I’d be ending that friendship. You deserve better than that.

[Asker]

Absolutely. If it was you how would you treat your male friend?

[leafygreen]

Just stop talking to him and block his number

[Asker]

No I mean how would you treat a guy if you wanted to be just friends?

[Anonymous]

Deb and give you enough attention and home to me keep you around

[Asker]

Huh?

[Opinion Owner]

I mean give you enough attention and hope to keep you around

[Opinion Owner]

You don't let you think that in the future there might be a possibility do you geting together

[Asker]

There was no hope. She gave me scraps. A occasional text that’s it.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I was friend-zoned Hardcore for a million years

[Opinion Owner]

I mean many years

[JosyJosy]

I guess... for Free Attention and Validation :D

[Anonymous]

So that you do the advertisement.

[Asker]

Huh?

[TheFlak38]

Because thats the point of the friend zone.