Why do guys friendzone girls?

[Anonymous]

Me and my male best friend have known each other for nearly 8 years, and he said he really cares about me, loves me and everything, and that he misses me because it’s been a couple months since I’ve seen him. Plus I didn’t talk to him or any of his family for about a month because I just needed to take a break, relax and start focusing on myself. And after a while of us not having any contact, we got reconnected last November. He’s made it obvious that he finds me attractive and he’s talked to me about how someone will eventually get on one knee and propose to me, and it might not be him. I’ve had a crush on him for months and I told him before but I don’t know if he knows I still do.
I’m just wondering what are the reasons why guys friendzone girls?

Updates

1 y

I recently moved out of state when I wasn’t talking to them

[JamesDiaz11]

The first reason guys friendzone girls (which is why many women friendzone guys) is because we're not attracted to them- if he's attracted to you he'll probably not friendzone you.

Second, a guy may friendzone you if you don't have the characteristics that he's looking for in a wife (not characteristics that "some guy" is looking for)- OR lastly because you aren't IT.

[HonestAssholeJ]

Men say a lot of things to save a woman's feelings.

What you hear and what they feel is different. Typically it's allowing you to save face but if you push it you will not like where it goes.

[Asker]

Why can’t they be straightforward and honest?

[HonestAssholeJ]

Confrontation, no balls, don't want to see a woman cry, don't really care, or combination.

[Anonymous]

I know it’s upsetting that he can have love for you and think you are an amazing woman, but he’s just not into you in that way. Maybe you should keep having space from him for a while so you can move past your crush, because it’s hard to be friends with someone when you want more. He may not like it but he’ll just have to understand.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s true, and the reason why I started talking to him and his brother again (they were both my friends) was because I had both of them blocked completely but I got a quick messenger notification that his brother tried calling me on messenger from his new account and I felt obligated to call him and then him (my crush) and unblock him. I don’t know what exactly to do. I’m afraid to tell him or them anything and I don’t know what I’d say

[Asker]

His brother said that he called him the night before and asked about me and told him he was really worried about me like something bad happened to me because I’m part of their family, and that he kept trying to call me

[Opinion Owner]

You’re not obligated, because they are not entitled to your explanation. I think you resist no contact for a few reasons. One is that you don’t want them to worry about you. Two is that you’re still hopeful he will change his mind, and I don’t blame you, the situation is ideal; I mean you’re part of the family so that’s not something to worry about, very cool with his brother, etc etc. And lastly, you’re afraid of being forgotten about and/or replaced. But taking a step back you have to realize that you’re only hurting and putting yourself through torture to accommodate aspects of this situation that just don’t matter. What does matter is your mental health, and your emotional wellbeing. You can’t keep putting yourself through this devastating situation, or putting your heart on reservation with the hope that he may come around because he thinks you’re such an amazing woman. That thought process will keep you stuck in an unhealthy place. So put yourself first and create some separation between you, him, and his family. This does not mean you’ll never talk to him, or that you have anything against him. It’s giving yourself the room to heal and get over your crush, so you can be a proper friend. The last thing you want is to see him get a girlfriend and then you feel tossed aside. You want to be able to congratulate him and so forth, without breaking your own heart in the process.

[Asker]

Very true. All of that and plus part of them worrying about me, I don’t want them to keep finding ways to try to get a hold of me

[Opinion Owner]

If giving an explanation would give you peace of mind so you can separate yourself and begin healing, then it’s just something you have to do. Since he already knows you have feelings for him, addressing that in part of your statement to them wouldn’t be like a big revelation, you know? It wouldn’t be a thing to where he had no idea and if he’d known he would be dating you already. So maybe giving a simple statement to him or his brother (or whomever you feel most comfortable with in the family) like: “I’ve been thinking about it, and right now I just need to have some space from you guys. It’s nothing personal and I love you all, but I need to work on my feelings towards ____ so I can come around and feel normal.” Some variation of that would be fine, and then start doing your work.

[WhitneySnow]

Basically the same reasons girls friendzone guys. In this case maybe cause you stopped talking to him for a while.

[Asker]

I don’t know what the reasons are honestly. Because I didn’t talk to him for a while up until last November?

[WhitneySnow]

Tell him you still like him like him and see what happens

[20yearsolder]

A prime example would be being hot and cold like taking a break. If you're interested in him you need to let him know all the time

[Asker]

All the time like every day?

[20yearsolder]

Whenever you're together, you need to let him know you're interested if you're truly interested

[Asker]

I haven’t been able to see him much

[20yearsolder]

If you talk to him on the phone, go for it. Life's too short to not go after things that you want. If you sit back and observe waiting for somebody else to hopefully tell you that they're interested you're wasting your time. Personally I would rather be rejected knowing I tried then sitting back and regretting wishing that I had tried

[Asker]

We talk on the phone often. He’s never made an answer like a yes or no. Even when I’ve talked to him about it

[Asker]

An answer known at least I should say

[20yearsolder]

All I can tell you is that if it's something you really want, continue to let him know that you're interested

[Asker]

Ok thank you

[GreatnessBack]

Drop him. A dude that's attracted to you but not making a move is indecisive, meek and weak.
You don't need that in your life.
You need a guy who sees you, likes you and decides you're his woman.

[Asker]

Thank you. Do I say anything or I just drop them like I did?

[GreatnessBack]

Dealer's choice. You do what makes you feel right. You two weren't dating.

[Asker]

Thank you

[FilmGuy93]

Either the relationship just doesn't have the romantic spark or it's just a inconvenient time.

[Asker]

He told me that he’s been in a long distance relationship from online and he doesn’t even know who he’s talking to. He says girlfriend but he was asking me if it’s a catfish because they only text and he only has pictures of “her”. He’s never met her personally, he doesn’t know her personally, they’ve never talked on the phone or video chatted. He said that it started in the beginning of June 2021 and we weren’t talking at the time, he didn’t know my contact info or anything. And sometimes he asks me why I didn’t tell him before that I have feelings for him and that he’d wanna be with me if he wasn’t in that relationship.. so is that why?

[FilmGuy93]

You're wondering if the reason that the guy you like isn't dating you has anything to do with the fact he's already dating someone?

[Asker]

Yeah. I don’t know else it could be

[FilmGuy93]

That seems like a safe bet to me. It sounds like he wanted to date you, too. He just started dating someone else who seemed more receptive.

[Asker]

Oh ok. And yeah plus they started dating 5 months before we got reconnected

[FilmGuy93]

Sometimes the timing is just off! Life must go on, milady.

[Asker]

That sucks. So nothing will change/there’s no hope?

[FilmGuy93]

Well... life is constantly changing... but I wouldn't hold my breath, in your situation.

[Asker]

So I should just leave it alone for now since it’s already hard and upsetting?

[FilmGuy93]

Yeah, you probably should let it go. Why would you want to dwell on something that gets you down, if you can't change it?

[Asker]

Very true. Should I stop talking to him?

[FilmGuy93]

You should definitely talk with him less. Cutting him out of your life would probably make moving on easier for you.

[Asker]

I don’t know what exactly to do 🤔

[FilmGuy93]

Then cut him off and move on. That sounds like your best course of action.

[Asker]

I just started talking to him again a few days ago after about a month of not talking to him or any of his family due to personal stuff so I feel bad

[FilmGuy93]

You don't have to get rude, hostile, or weird with him; just don't reach out to him.

[Asker]

Ok. What if he reaches out to me?

[FilmGuy93]

either take a really long time to respond (as in a few days) or don't respond at all.

[Asker]

Ok thank you

[BarryLiverstone]

Tbh, he’s not very attracted to how you look. While he can be attracted to you as a person he wants to marry someone he feels chemistry with. Have you seen what girls he’s into?

[Asker]

No I haven’t

[BarryLiverstone]

You have known him for 8 years. I’m surprised you haven’t seen what his type is. Does he have many exes?

[Asker]

I know he has exes but we weren’t in contact during the time

[BarryLiverstone]

Bluntly I’ll encourage you to move on. While you have a crush on him now it’s clear he isn’t into you. By continuing to wait for him all you do is delay the time you could be building a relationship with someone else. But let him know you want to find a guy and he can help you out.

[Asker]

I really should move on, I agree. And that’s not weird to tell/ask him that? And I moved out of state recently so I don’t think he’d be able to help with that. Sorry I forgot to mention that

[BarryLiverstone]

If he’s really a friend then it’s not weird. He may have advice to help you improve your appearance or how you approach guys

[Staximus]

I don't know why the hell you two were waiting for so long

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[Anonymous]

Maybe afraid of commitment or waiting for someone else to come along, it’s usually women that friend zone guys so they have a guy to go out with until the right guy comes along

[Asker]

Wow. That’s weird

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah something is stopping him from going further

[jhl_x]

Why didn't you go for it then?

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[jhl_x]

The text make it seem like you like him, he likes you back, and yet you've spent this whole time waiting for him to make a meaningful move when you were supposed to remind him that you still like him. There's nothing suggesting you both did anything in the real world, and stuff online mean nothing nowadays.

I've gone through similar stuff like this in my personal life, even though I tried being more proactive with the girl I was talking to. After signs of apathy from her, I just lost interest in her and then just downgraded my relationship with her to a "friend" status, not expecting much future. All because I tried getting her attention and asking her out with nothing but words in messaging apps.

As a guy, I'll tell you what's been told to me during my whole life: the friendzone exists if you put yourself there. You break free of it by going for the person or letting it die.

[Asker]

I saw him the ending of May for the first time in several months and we got intimate and I spent the night with him 🫢 and he made sure I got home safe. And I met him in person almost 8 years ago

[Asker]

How did I put myself there? I never heard of that

[jhl_x]

These details should've been on the text because they change the story. If you've got too close and then it got to this, either he's not attracted to you to not go after you or he doesn't feel like you're interested either, even though you said that you are.

Now this gets to the friendzone part. When you're into one, his, you have two choices: you accept it and then hope for him to do what you want him to do, even though that might not happen, or you get out of it, by getting away from him until your feelings for him die or you go for him and confess your feelings for him while hoping that he still likes you. For all intents and purposes, your friendship is ruined, but you can decide if it becomes something more or if it just dies off.

[Anonymous]

i proposed numerous times never got an answer

[d3n0939]

when she is not attractive enough