Girls, do you like quiet guys?

[Anonymous]

Whenever im in a group all I do is just listen, sometimes I bring or offer something to the table, but almost 90% of the time im quiet. I dont even know what girls think most of the time when im in the room. All I do is just smile and stand there passively waiting for something to happen, for example a girl to ask me something. But most of the time it never happens and I end up by myself at the end when everybody leaves. Its like I want to say something but im anxious to. Last night I was with a group who invited me to hang with them, but I just sat there either smiling or sipping a beverage. I guess I'm passive, but hey im "letting things happen naturally" as they all say. If girls do like quiet/reserved guys, why don't they just say something instead of me sitting there waiting for something "least expected" to happen, like a movie where it ALWAYS happens. Every. Single. Time. In every movie I watch, the quiet/awkward guy always ends up with her at the end.

Updates

+1 y

The "right" time better happen in my life soon, or else someone's going to end up like something from Schindler's List.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

1. As someone who was a very "never speak unless spoken to" type of person in the past, a lot of people assume you are not interested in talking to anyone, or even that you don't like them/don't want to be there, and just leave you alone if you never say anything. It's best to engage at least somewhat, though I get it is not always easy.

2. When people say to "let things happen naturally", it means to not rush into things too fast or to come on way too strong, but doesn't mean to put in no effort and completely depend on the other person to approach you or start a conversation. If there's someone you want to talk to, it's best to just start up a conversation with them. Say hi, ask them how they are, and introduce yourself. If someone responds rudely to this, well, that is not only their problem and shows more about them than yourself, but it also weeds out that bad apple. Most people will like being acknowledged and be happy to engage in a conversation, though.

3. If you wait for them to start a conversation or ask you something, and they are also waiting for you to, how is the conversation going to begin? Somebody has to start it.

4. Movies are far from reality, unfortunately. Sometimes things do happen when you least expect them, but most things in life also happen when you put in the effort. It may not be right away, but at least you have a fighting chance.

5. Comments like your update do not help matters any, and people will run far from anyone who spews nonsense like that. Your attitude needs major adjusting first and foremost, and that is completely in your control. No one will want to be around someone who is bitter and hateful, and says crazy, off-the-wall things or makes threats (even if you aren't serious; sorry, but that just makes you look like a spoiled brat) any time something doesn't go their way. I don't mean to come off harsh, but this is what you need to hear.

[Asker]

by the way do you know what MeToo is?

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Yes.

[Asker]

What exactly is it? Along with MGTOW (have no idea what that is either). And I've been trying to change my attitude within the last few days

[aWes0MeNeSs]

The MeToo movement is a social media trend where women share their sexual assault experiences, AFAIK. I'm not sure if there's more to it than that.

I'm not sure what MGTOW is, though I've heard of the term.

Glad to hear you are trying to change your attitude! As someone who has struggled with negative thinking my entire life, it is not easy, but very worth it!

[Asker]

Also what does "stop looking" mean? A lot of people say that if you stop looking, you'll meet someone, which causes me to ignore girls and not even look at them

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Not sure. I guess it means maybe to focus more on yourself and your life for the meantime, maybe? I do think improving yourself to the best you can be will increase your chances of finding someone (and finding a better partner), but it also usually doesn't just *poof* happen out of thin air, either. I personally think a middle ground is best.

I do think a lot of people find someone when they're least expecting to and not actively looking (and life does sometimes work that way), but if you are not putting yourself out there, your chances of meeting people decrease. It's definitely not an exact science, but the fact does remain that the more you put yourself out there and make an effort to meet and talk to people, the more people you will meet, and therefore the better chances you will have of finding someone you connect with. It may not be right away, but it's better than not trying at all.

[Asker]

The good news is I have a date Saturday. Im excited 😁

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Awesome! Good luck! :)

[Asker]

Met her on Match. But im going to let things happen naturally and just enjoy the date. Got any tips when the sound of silence (Simon and Garfunkel) happens?

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Sounds good! That can be tough, especially when you don't know the person well, but I find that asking the person questions about themselves (if she's told you anything about her interests, those are great things to ask about) or bringing up small talk type subjects like the weather or certain current events (avoiding politics of course, as that can get heated) are good icebreakers as well. You could also bring up an observation about the place you're at or the activity you're doing.

[Asker]

I want it to be fun and I dont want to be anxious that im afraid to even say or blurt anything

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I totally get that! It's much easier said than done to just relax and have a good time, but try not to pressure yourself too much and just talk to her as if you would a friend or family member.

[Asker]

Aren't women just people? And most guys don't understand that.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Yes, exactly!

[Asker]

Update: I just got back from my date 4 hours ago. It was awesome. We're planning a second one

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Great! I'm very glad to hear this for you!

[Seinna]

Being quiet is not a problem for me. Being a pushover and not capable of having a normal conversation with another person is. Also, as a guy it's still your job to take the initiative.

There are things I expect from a guy and things I offer in exchange. My ex was a very quiet guy but he was capable and quick on his feet, excellent at reading people. He organized everything, I never had to worry. But a lot of people are quiet because they're timid and that's not a good quality to have as a man. Confidence (not cockiness) is important.

You need to be able to step up if the situation demands it, your girl's safety depends on it and though it's harsh, if you're not able to then it means that you don't deserve to be with a girl. And girls recognize that and for their own safety will avoid you. Women are weaker than men so we depend on guys being there for us, being stronger than us. Being afraid to speak up in your own group of friends is not attractive.

[Asker]

Come to think of it, how do certain quiet/shy couples keep their relationship intact?

[PinkSands04]

I prefer someone in the middle - can be chatty when needs to be and quiet when needs to be also.

[Asker]

At this point I just avoid girls altogether because who knows what they want?

[PinkSands04]

I mean, we are not all the same so won’t want the same things 😂

[Asker]

True. but I still don't know what they're thinking of me. Do they want to be asked out? Do they want a mysterious guy?

[PinkSands04]

Again, all girls are different to it’s hard to say. You can’t read minds. All you have control of in a situation like that is how you act or want to come across as. Not all girls will like it, but some will. That’s why we just have to be ourselves and not over think everything.

[Asker]

Maybe if I wasn't just sitting there waiting for a fluke

[Anonymous]

I like a lot the quiet serious guy of the group much more than the popular guy in the group. Yesss

[Anonymous]

How about bringing up similar interests? Does it help you open up?

[Asker]

Sometimes. But I still get anxious to even say anything that I end up becoming a mirage that no one seems to notice me.