Why do I keep distancing myself from a guy that I like?

[Anonymous]

This guy (17M) and I have been friends for about 2 years now (since freshmen year), but we’ve only recently gotten actually close.

Since we go to boarding school together, he always waits in front of my dorm so that we can walk to classes / rehearsals / etc. together. We call all night when we study for tests and we talk to each other pretty much every single day. We share personal things to each other, but we aren’t in the same friend group.

Anyway, I keep finding myself distancing myself from him — I’ll leave him on read, talk to other people more than him when he’s also there, and I don’t reach out to him first. I have no idea why I keep doing this though, because I genuinely like him as a person.

This time, I walked with someone else back to their dorm instead of walking back to my dorm (which is close to his) with him, and he just left and went his own way without saying “bye.” I feel like he’s finally “done” with me, and I don’t know how to express to him that I don’t mean to be so distant.

[btbc92]

Either you are insecure, inexperienced, or there is something about him that concerns you. Even if you "like" the person, you sadly run the risk of liking the WRONG person for you. Romance is a delicate subject and you need to know who that person is. You should never feel expected, feel rushed, or feel pushed to do something you are not ready for or want to do. You may like him as a person, but the real question is, what do you to have in common as far as thinking about romance or such? Do you two want marriage one day, have kids, what are your sexual morals and values, does he have things that concern you? You have to think about these things, not just shared hobbies, interests, etc. That may be more important for a friendship, but when t comes to relationships, that is a much higher stage of life. So whatever insecurities you may have, you need to address it.

Leaving him on "read" have 0 to do with your interest. Most people do that, even if not on purpose. But if you refuse to communicate, then you are only sabotaging your relationships with others, NOT just with him. Because it reflects your communication style which is avoidant. That may be do to personal experience or parental upbringing and what you experienced and been exposed to.

If your talking to others more than him, again, you are scared of something and you must come clean with yourself. Or maybe speak to a therapist or counselor. You may have other issues more than just avoiding the guy you say you "like". There is other reasons, and I know, because I've been abused by others and have very poor traumatic experiences. If you cannot trust him, find out why. If it's not him, then you know it's you and you need to find out why before even thinking about anything. And he needs to know that he is not the reason why then. So he won't feel responsible. Because it will impact him too.

Reaching out first doesn'tMATTER. You shouldn't be putting such expectations of other's rules on you like that. You reach out when you want to, have to, and when you really desire to communicate. You shouldn't do it because others tell you to. This is not school, college or a job. This is about RELATIONSHIPS with others. And you should express yourself in a manner that is both respectful and uniquely YOU. You shouldn't be forced, nor should be fake. It takes time to develop true authentic relationships.

He isn't upset with you being distant. He is upset that he saw you with another guy, thinking you have no interest in him. That is why so he is avoiding you. You need to fix it and let him know why this is happening. It is up to him to forgive you or not. But you shouldn't be beating yourself up either and tormenting yourself. Whatever is hurting you, whatever is bothering you, whatever is holding you back, find this out without judging and shaming yourself. I've done it for far too long and all it did was rob me of my own happiness besides other people trying to sabotage it. If you cannot verbally express it, tell him in writing, a letter, text, SOMETHING that will get his attention. But by no means should you RUSH into dating, etc without understanding yourself, where you feel safe, where you can make your own decisions without regrets, and most importantly where you are at PEACE. Because without PEACE, everything else in your life becomes chaotic.

[AgentRED]

You like this guy but you also play games on him just every other Jane doe out there with the social distancing crap——okay, bottom line is, you have to be more upfront with your feelings. Otherwise especially when he saw you with another individual, that would had confirm his suspicions that you had over interests with someone else, ontop of the supporting evidence that you left him in read and talking to other people while ignoring him and all that stuff.


But hey, what do I know? I’m just going off of my experiences.

[Avicenna]

Some people don't let themselves be happy

[Iron_Man]

Wait until you’re 18 for all that stuff

[LegendaryIcon]

You shouldn't be dating at your age anyway