How would you handle an attempt to reconnect after all of this?

[When_It_Reigns]

So a few years ago at Uni, I dated a classmate named L (I know, I know). Her close female friends were already friends with me before we started dating, particularly one named D.

A few months go by and my relationship with L goes sour. I knew it would create some awkwardness but I was confident of the fact that I would remain friends with those girls since my relationships with predates what I had with L.

I was wrong, it seems. Although they all promised to remain neutral, it just became a bit distant with them. Less texts and invites, that sort of thing. It also didn't help that L was engaging in character assassination on social media and within the class eg. wishing I was dead - especially after I refused to take her back.

D and I remained close but after one particular occasion when L saw D and I having a laugh about some random topic, L confronted D about still being close to me. They fought and D reminded L that we were friends first.

Afterwards, I noticed a change in D's attitude towards me eg. Refusing to make eye contact and intentionally ignoring me in corridors.

Now 2 years later, two of my closest guy friends (from outside of my uni) discovered they have a mutual friend with L and D and now they all hang out at times at a bar I used to frequent. Although I stated that I have no issues with whom my friends hang out with, this feels weird. They do talk about me - in a positive light I hear - and now D in particular says she misses me.

I know I'm going to run into them all eventually. I can keep things civil even though L may not. How should I handle any attempts from D to hang out with me? Is it even worth explaining to D how such acts really hurt particular in that time of my life? wAnd am I wrong to no longer consider my uni female friends as actual friends anymore? Methinks if I did half the stuff L did post-breakup, I would be public enemy no. 1.

[BrotherBane]

I was in a similar position as you before, except that I didn't manage to get into a relationship with the girl as she rejected me. After the girl rejected me, she went and tell all our mutual friends about our rejection and we silently stopped hanging out because of that (not because I hated them or anything like that).

Even though I chose to remain silent about the whole thing, people were beginning to be aware of it because she spread the news of rejecting me. The best thing I could do was to be the better person and do nothing about it.

Unfortunately, society will always have double standards about this and if you as a guy were to confront her, you will become public enemy number 1.

"This guy can't stop harassing her."
"This guy should learn to give up."

If it was the other way around, it would have been:
"This guy shouldn't be so mean to her."
"This guy should give the girl another chance."

You can't beat the system, but you can take advantage of these narrow-minded people by not feeding into their double-standards.

[Iron_Man]

Sounds too complicated guy friends female friends too much too much to work with keep it simple

[When_It_Reigns]

As a fan of simplicity myself, could you expand on this?

[boobliker]

i would meet up to see how or what they want it must be something?

[Avicenna]

Best to be upfront with her

[In_Trance]

This seems like a gong Show to me