Why am I so intimidating to others? Am I a jerk/narc, or are they jealous?

[Anonymous]

I am a 23 y/o woman living in the rural U. S. I grew up in a successful family (doctors/lawyers) & was fortunate to have both parents. My family is somewhat wealthy (6 fig. income, college paid for) but not flashy (emphasis on saving & investing). I achieved well in school, & I am intelligent with an IQ of 120. I am pretty & naturally thin (5'6, 110lbs). I use "big words" & complex sentences, I like to wear jewelry & makeup, & I like to compete & achieve. I'm extroverted & like making others laugh, I like debating. This is not me bragging but trying to paint a picture of who I am. I have narcissistic traits, I go to therapy to work on that. I have other issues as well (low self-esteem, depression, etc.) that I am working on. I've been told many times that I am "intimidating" & that is why others don't like me. When my friends would suddenly turn on me, my parents would chalk it up to "they're jealous of you!" I never believed them because I hate myself & struggle to understand why someone would be so jelly. I thought once I got out of my hometown, things would be different; I would finally make friends. But I still don't have any female friends, I have a few male friends, but I crave the emotional closeness of female friendship. I figured I must not have social skills, but I'm able to pick up & carry a conversation with anyone. I am careful not to mention my family's background, my grades or IQ, or any romantic partners vying for my attention so as to not incite jealousy from other women. I dress modestly, but nicely. I don't try to show off. I am honest & straightforward. I conduct myself with integrity. I don't understand why I am so scary to other people, to the point I've been run off jobs because my coworkers didn't like me. I still don't know why my coworkers disliked me so much, I wish someone would just tell me what I'm doing wrong. Why can't I make female friends? Am I a jerk in some way I can't see? Are they jealous of me?

[one1wild00]

The can do full bore no quit attitude is being your bane. you have some good qualities, you just have to file down the quills, get a little more "softer" "user friendly"

[Asker]

I thought that was a good trait, I don't understand. I was always taught that strong work ethic & dedication were good!

[one1wild00]

They are usually, except when it comes to social and relationships.

[Asker]

I have spent a lot of time over the past few years trying to "file down the quills" if you will. I've learned to be a better listener, to appreciate opposing arguments in good faith, and how to manually soften up my body language to appear more open and friendly. I'm not judgmental, well, I'm much much less judgmental than I used to be, I still think some people are monsters (repeat pedos, serial murderers, etc.) however I haven't shamed anyone in years. It's getting to the point where I'm beginning to feel artificial & gross inside by faking high agreeableness. At what point is it enough?

[one1wild00]

Last Paragraph seemed reasonable enough. You don't need high agreeableness, but general the more agreeable than the quilly all go attitude you started the post as a description of you. sounds like you are about 75% where you need to be.

[Guy13]

Obviously, you have no spiritual life. I don’t even think you know what Love is Good is Mercy is etc…. It may be best for you to seek God and His Attributes.

[Asker]

How will religion help my cause? & I am somewhat spiritual, I do have an ethical and moral code I follow in my life. I tend to dislike bible thumpers because they hate debate

[Guy13]

This moral code that you have…that we all have innately as we know right and wrong therefore, can determine Good and Not Good. How do…where did that come from? It’s an Intelligent design…

[Guy13]

Does that make sense and that we have free will to choose to not believe OR choose the Not Good before us or choose the Good (right) before us.

And even though I want to do the Good, I do not. And the bad, such as murder, that all swear that we will never do, some do. And, truth is I get pleasure from not doing the Good. And some gain pleasure from doing what they swore they would never do like cheating on SO.

[Asker]

False. Humans are not born with a moral code, have you ever dealt with small children? Before they develop the theory of mind they're little psychopaths. Kids have to be taught morals/ethics; for example, most small kiddos will lie/steal until they are caught and reprimanded. As they grow older, they advance in moral reasoning from "I won't do the bad thing because mommy will punish me" to "I won't do the bad thing because it will harm others." It's a whole thing in developmental psychology (Kohlberg & Piaget) & the morals/ethics of a person is largely shaped by the culture and society they grow up in. Religion is important to this process, yes, but religion is kind of a distilled wisdom through the ages, creating a framework for how the society should run smoothly.

[Guy13]

So I ask you, the Intelligent Designer who gave
-Us Free Will to choose
-Knowledge of Good and Evil with conscious
-parameters to follow-10 Commandments
-placed created image bearer in said Morality.

Would it not be sensible to say that the One who designed also has right to judge? If the Designer of Morality is the same Designer of MSN, Earth, Science etc.. would it not be reasonable for Him to Judge?

Think it through. You’re bright. I’m around…. Good evening.

[Asker]

Not to be an asshole, but I think you should consider this subject more deeply as your response lacks coherence. Yeah, of course, it feels good to do bad things. Cheating on a partner, per your example, would feel good because you get sexual gratification & it validates the idea you are a desirable partner if you can "pull bitches." The only reason it would feel bad is if you understand you are hurting your partner, that's empathy. It could also feel bad if others find out & disapprove, social disapproval/shaming is incredibly painful to the socialized human brain. Consider how these ideas play out on a larger, more societal stage, and then consider why it's religiously codified that adultery is sinful in the majority of world religions. It just makes sense.

[Asker]

Alright, never mind I like where you're heading with this. Thank you for giving my brain something to chew on rather than itself lol

[Guy13]

IKR-especially with media eating us from the inside out. I have not have a TV since 18. I can, however, read Greek, pretty good Latin, and some Hebrew. I read original works and do not use any YouTube links AS I can think for myself…I was formally trained in logic as well as philosophy with a pretty good back ground in psychology.
—These “Science” people who think Muck and Explosions can self-conceive, self-create, self-start are simply idiots. And the ones who tell me Science started with the Greeks and nomenclature are daft. The Greeks are created by the expressions found from science itself-like Physics, therefore, Science precedes Greeks.
—AND the over a long period and then man evolved can’t tell me where that long period originated. Nor, can they explain how Resting Mass, Resting Motion, and/or Resting Energy got there…and how did they become an action state and leading to the Effect known as PHYSICS.
—Obviously, there’s an Intelligent Designer as NEITHER nothing or something can self-conceive, self-create, and/or self-start.- It’s irrational to say it can…

[bamesjond0069]

"I like to compete & achieve." Unless this is about baking the perfect cookies or something like this... count me out. Huge turn off.

[Asker]

Why is that a turn-off? Is it a turn-off for other women or just dudes? Please elaborate for me

[bamesjond0069]

For men it is. I can't say for women. But tbh most people dont have friends. Either coworkers, neighbors or like alcohol/drug "friends".

[Gaurav2]

"real woman's" don't have friends... relax.