Self-harm scars on girls- big turn off?

Question

I went through a severe self-harm addiction after which I ended up with dark scars on one ankle, and entire left arm (up to my shoulder) and they have not faded much since I stopped, but I have stopped completely for quite awhile now.

My life isn't completely f***ed up, I go to a good school, have a good relationship with my family, amazing and understanding friends, and those who know me do love me, because I am probably one of the most loyal and caring person you will ever meet. that is what led me into my cutting problem in the first place.

but my scars make me worry that nobody will love me because of them. and they are far too noticable to be ignored.

honest opinion would be appreciated <3

Hidden_P · Accepted Answer

I have scars down my legs from self harming... and when I met my boyfriend, I showed him the scars. And he looked up at me and said "it doesn't matter, it shows how far you've come. It proves you're an amazing person to still be here" and he hugged my legs.

What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter what someone else thinks - your scars are a reminder of bad things that happened. But they are scars, not cuts. Everyone has scars, some have them on their bodies, some scars are within.

Mine were very noticeable, they've faded now. I used to be ashamed of them, but I'm not anymore. I don't care if someone says "omg, you emo, you cut yourself" because I'm not an emo, it was an outlet of painful emotions.

If you are very very bothered about them, you can always start putting bio oil or a moisturizer on. It does help a bit, but takes a while to see a noticeable improvement...Good luck x

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

i'm in the exact same position as you...for me I undeerstand that guys will be wary and get to know them as friends first so they can get to know me for me, and not me with self harm issues in the past.

Dont get angry if a guy says no to a relationship cos of scars...some guys love you and want to battle it though and be with you, others will love you but love you so much they are scared to ''''push you over the edge''' in such a way.

Also be total and honest with the guy about it, I'm not saying first date wise...i mean drop it in on the next meet, maybe a bit of a hint.

I know how it can fel to hide them, if it makes you comfortable do hid them but after a few years I learnt that there part of me, even though it was a bad experience, it changed me for the better and made me a stronger person.

Olivia :)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I have old scars and my boyfriend looked past them, though he ad a similiar situation. I had an old scar from trying to slit my rists and heyet he still loves me the same. He's very good to me and accepts me for me. Someone will look past them. No one is perfect. By the way I have heard that you can get some kind of scar fading cream. I've never used it but I'm sure if you google it something will pop up.

Someone will love you though darling, no worries. They are old scars, everyone has old scars whether you can see them or not. Like I said no one is perfect.

monica94 · Accepted Answer

I have scars on the forearms and  thighs from when I went through my cutting phase. I only told my closest friends and I was scared to tell my boyfriend. After I told him, he said that it was fine and he looks past my scars. There isn't a person in this world that's completely perfect, we all have our flaws and people have to look past them. There are creams that help scars fade like mederma (    Once you find the right person they will look past your scars, and they will love you for who you are. Don't worry.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It will be an issue to a lot of guys; I'd like to tell you otherwise, but I'd be lying. For those who haven't done it, self-harm is hard to understand. People seem to think that it's about causing yourself pain, whereas the truth is the complete opposite - it's about releasing pain. Psychologically, it's a lot for a non to deal with, and many just aren't capable or interested in trying.

Personally, it doesn't bother me. I fell for a girl who had her own marks. They didn't matter. I love her for her, not because of, or in spite of, her cut marks. Besides, I have my own matching art work, so I do understand the reasoning behind it.

josesmaf · Accepted Answer

How sick is it that the depression that told you you aren't lovely, and nobody could love you, so just cut yourself, is the same depression that is telling you you aren't lovely and nobody could love you because you cut yourself? I'm sure there's a special guy out there for you who will love you not just despite the scars, but even more because of them and what they symbolize: something you have overcome.  Even your scars can be redeemed.  Keep going in the healing process, and don't listen to the lie that you are not lovely, or worthy of love. Easier said than done, I know, but there is beauty that can come from your ashes.

San_Diego_Rick · Answer

It's okay, everyone has scars, I have a scar on my hand from when I was masturbating on the floor this one time, and got rug burn from the carpet. It felt so good, I couldn't stop and then I was like F*ck I have rug burn! The scar on my hand is a reminder to me of how good that nut was.

systemsuck · Answer

I had the same experience when I was 14, I had the best friends ever, a caring family, a girlfriend there was nothing f***ed up in my life besides my self-harm addiction. I started doing this for no reason, after I changed schools. Here I met a friend who had some serious and sad problems in her life, and so she cut herself for those reasons, and I believe that her simple presence in my life was making me do this, because I wasn't sad, and I had no problems... once I realize this from one day to another I stopped talking to her, it was kind of sad, because she really was a friend, but in fact once I got far from her my addiction stopped... so I don't know what's up with your life or why are you really doing this but there will be always people that would love you unconditionally.
Love Ya! :)

moloz · Answer

I absolutely love scars, self-inflicted or otherwise. I would worry if you still practice this bad habit.

"because I am probably one of the most loyal and caring person you will ever meet. that is what led me into my cutting problem in the first place."

Do please explain what happened.

superuss · Answer

The scars themselves, aren't what would be bothering me. I would worry more about how mentally stable you are. I wouldn't want to get into an argument with my girl, and wonder if she was going to cut herself. If we were to become friends first, and I knew you had worked through your issues, then it would be fine. I hope you got the help that you needed. Good luck.

superuss · Answer

People will still love you. You may have to settle for a man that is not a perfect 10. I would date a girl, with the kind of scars, that you are describing. Although, I would be worried that she may still hurt herself, in the future. I hope you have worked through whatever it was, that caused you so much pain. When a man finally does fall in love with you, he won't even be able to see your scars anymore. Good luck to you.

Belgie · Answer

They won't stop someone from loving you, but they are a turn off.

Scars are not a turn off in and of themselves, I think. But knowing someone self-cut, is a turn off. Even if the scars have healed. Knowing someone took a knife to themselves, is a turn off.

WashingtonLoveWizard · Answer

It would be a red flag. I mean anytime you can see someone has had some kind of serious problem it is a bit of a "turn off". However, I don't think it is big enough to matter to most men.

Image if a guy had a bunch of needle marks all over his arm. That would be a pretty big turn off for most women. Alothough that analogy is worse that cutting.

Anonymous · Answer

Its OK. Somebody will still love you don't worry. I'm not proud of it but I attempeted suicide when I was 15 after my mother died. (im 23 now) Iv worried about it too but a number of girls who have seen them (on my wrist I always wore long sleeves so no one would see) Werent bothered by it and were kind and sympathetic. Don't worry so much. We all go through tough times in our lives.

AmberChick · Answer

I know someone who cuts and he has scars on his arms.  It is not a turn off, just kind of sad, that someone was so upset about their life they deliberately cut themselves to feel the pain or for whatever reason.  So, no it's not a turn off, but not something that should be taken lightly and find a guy who appreciates you for who you are.

justthewayyouare · Answer

I know a girl with tons on her thighs and she is on the verge of getting a boyfriend. You basically just have to explain to whatever guy why they are there and just be completely honest and answer all his questions. You probably know but they do have ways of taking skin and covering it up, however they are very expensive but maybe worth it for you in the long run. So good to hear you stopped though <3

TylerMMA · Answer

Honest opinion... I'd assume you were mentally unstable and I probably wouldn't flirt with you if we just met. I'd absolutely be your friend though and that would be your only chance is if I got to know and trust you.

Anonymous · Answer

I would be more concerned as to the mental state of a girl with these scars. I would need to have a chance to get to know that she has worked out her problems first. As for the scars themselves? I am not exactly up for sexist man of the year myself. I wouldn't mind dating a woman with scars. Someone will love you for who you are, not for whether you do or don't have scars.

Vasillilaw · Answer

I have tons of scars...not self-inflicted and I just kinda want to know if guys think scars are an issue in general.  Are they hot  because they show the girl is tough?  Or are the ugly?  Or are they just whatever?

Yeahhbro · Answer

its cool I don't mind, you should get a tattoo and make like a pattern with it you know? Like a train track or like a snake or something you know. I am serious...

ReeceofChrist · Answer

If the guy really does love you, he will be blind to the scars, although they may worry him a little, in his wishes for you to NEVER be harmed, but other than that, if one of us guys says that he loves you, and then complains about your scars or says that they ar hideous or something, he never really loved you in the first place. So don't settle for any guy, settle for a good guy that is right for you.

lorahayes · Answer

i have them and I'm so afraid that anyone would see :( but the reaction I always get is sympathy, and a 'well done' I think it depends on the individual, but if a guy cares too much about them (in a bad way) then he's not worth knowing.

Anonymous · Answer

Definitely not a plus, but probably not a deal breaker for most people as long as you're getting the help that you need.  For me it would be a deal breaker if the girl were not very actively involved in therapy since that would strongly suggest that these tendencies could return.

rhonadan456 · Answer

No it's not a turn-off at all. If I had the chance to get to know you and liked you for you then it really wouldn't matter.

WeaponZero · Answer

Anything that implies that degree of mental instability is always a turnoff.  I'm pretty sure any guy would agree there.

phillyboy215 · Answer

naa not a big deal to me but I got cigs burns all over my left arm. if anyone thinks less of you for them then f*** them.

heytherebuddy · Answer

I have them too, and I just want them to go away! But if a guy really likes you, then it wouldn't matter if you have any scars. If it does matter to him, then just forget about him.

RebelOfNowhere · Answer

One of my friends had them all over her body but I'm guessing it wasn't a problem for anyone cos she had oodles of attention from any guy she talked to :p

SuperCurious · Answer

A lot of people will judge you based off of those, but I'm sure they will find a great person if they sick around and talk to you. Try using Olive oil and Vitamin E to help the scars fade

Caustic_Fox · Answer

if the rest of you is good I can't see scars being a problem, I would be worried about getting involved though, not because of your scars but because you used to cut yourself. not necessarily a turn off though

CubanRaftRider · Answer

Honestly I wouldn't mind as long as you were over that sort of thing now.

Anonymous · Answer

how serious are the scares? like noticeable from a distance or just if you look for them? you answered anonymously could you upload a pic? not to invade your privacy just because I had a similar problem and would like to compare mine to yours...

mike5150 · Answer

wouldnt be a deal breaker but it would bring into question why you feel that, that was necisary. And if you would do so again.

Anonymous · Answer

No dear, I understand the whole scarring thing, my sister went through it and a good friend of mine did also. You would be loved regardless.

WaitingAtTheDoor · Answer

If you were in my age range, it wouldn't be a problem for me.

Shaun · Answer

Somebody will love you.

Cailleach · Answer

Not a turn-off.

Self-harm scars on girls- big turn off?

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