Do guys think it’s a dealbreaker/turnoff when a girl have self-harm scars?

[0mg1mdy1n6]

I have a lot of scars from sh, and it’s something I am very insecure about. I have scars on my left arm, they’re not that visible, but the scars I have on both of my thighs are pretty bad. I am a teenager, so guys my age can be pretty judgmental. My scars have pretty much ruined my chances of being comfortable wearing bikinis or other clothes that reveal my scars in public. Are sh scars a dealbreaker for guys?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Yeah thats a red flag for most sane guys, but its not the scars themselves that are the problem.

Your wording makes it seem like you are worried about how they effect your appearance, as in whether or not you are still attractive despite the scars. But you should be worried about how cutting yourself makes you seem too dangerous to be around, and how it acts as a point of concern to worry about your own safety as well.

I'd not be able to trust a woman who self harms, I wouldn't trust her with her own saftey, let alone mine. I'd be too afraid that at any point she could snap and hurt me or herself.

It just seems too risky to be with someone like that, and I'm not sure how she could manage to prove otherwise.

[0mg1mdy1n6]

What if the scars are old, and she hasn’t cut herself in a while? Would it be different then?

[0mg1mdy1n6]

And having self harm scars doesn’t mean that the person is a danger to others. The act of hurting yourself and not lashing out at others is a big sign that the person doesn’t want or will ever intend to hurt other people

[TheSpaceGnome]

wouldn't matter if the scars were old, and if a person isn't afraid of harm coming to them, then they lack consequences to prevent them from harming others.

[Anonymous]

No. Actually, I'd be intrigued about what led you to do that to begin with... it means you're an introverted type of person who doesn't show your hand. That intrigues me. Then of course, I have a 1 in 100 million background of my own, and get told that consistently around the country. Looks are deceiving... sometimes for better, sometimes for worse... most people are both very transparent, or as you say, extremely judgmental... usually without knowing a damn thing about a person. They're very naive.

[pacifyherrr]

Because one self harms doesn’t mean they’re introverted

[Opinion Owner]

Good thing I don't need your fucking permission what to think then, isn't it?

[0mg1mdy1n6]

Yes, I somewhat agree. Though I would call myself an introverted person

[0mg1mdy1n6]

Wouldn’t *

[pacifyherrr]

I never said you couldn’t think one way or another. I’m just sharing an opinion on my own which this literal app is for so calm down 💀😭

[Opinion Owner]

I only say that... because people who commit acts of harm, whether small of big... usually do so because they don't perceive there as being an outlet, anyone who's there to gives a damn. Like an earthquake fault that's been dormant and need to release stress. Some release it by harming others, some by harming themselves... nearly all because they don't think there's an outlet.

[0mg1mdy1n6]

Yeah, I agree. At the time I felt like I didn’t have another way to deal with my emotions so I resorted to an unhealthy coping mechanism

[pacifyherrr]

I understand where you’re coming from but one might be struggling but express a lot of happiness of in the social circle and no one would know. I myself have dealt with a few things and I get my mind off certain things by just getting away from all that and being more of an extrovert

[pacifyherrr]

I wrote a bit fast so I couldn’t understand what I wrote myself but what I was trying to say is that a lot of people get their mind off things or escape what they’re dealing with when being with friends or others within the social circle.

[Opinion Owner]

Tbh, I don't think there's anything so much wrong with you, as it's a sign of what's wrong with society. I travel a lot, both domestic and international, and what you've done isn't any different than what 50 million others here (U. S.) are doing daily? Drunks? Coping. Dope addicts? Coping. Pill poppers? Coping. I don't see this by the millions overseas... it's not needed. The people are engaged with others, in their communities. I don't think you. It's the culture now... the people.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't think it's you I meant.

[0mg1mdy1n6]

Yeah, self harm has become pretty common, a lot of my friends have harmed themself in the past, but mine have resulted in a lot of visible scars, which is what makes me so anxious about other peoples opinion about them

[Opinion Owner]

The simple way to put that... sorry for being blunt here... but if someone's MAINLY concerned with whether or not you have unblemished skin? Then don't give... a flying friggett... about you. At all.

[Opinion Owner]

Then they don't give... I meant.

[0mg1mdy1n6]

I guess it comes from insecurity about my looks then. I don’t want people to think of me as unattractive because of my scars, or think of me as a burden because of the mental state I was in in the past

[Opinion Owner]

If they have an ounce of substance anywhere in their body, they'll look WELL past that... thus trying to get to know you... which in turn... will help uplift your mental state... which is what a real. friend does. Friends aren't dead weights that drag you to the bottom. They help keep you afloat and/or lift you up.

[0mg1mdy1n6]

I agreee

[Opinion Owner]

As for you showing yourself off... you'll get more comfortable doing that when you find someone who doesn't mention that, isn't focused on it, and still wants to be around you after they notice it. There will ALWAYS be someone... or more... who don't like something about you. People. dont like Michael Jordan... or Obama... or Trump... or Jamie Foxx... no matter how rich, famous... they're not loved by everyone, so it's useless to try. Look to be respected by a few, rather than liked by all-but respected by none. The latter is what most are. You have more substance than that. Don't chase after the approval of people you already know don't give a shit about you, and aren't the kind of people you want by you when it gets tough. You're only gonna find a few REAL ones anyway... that's all most can hope for... most people just aren't that genuine now. Better to find those few, than get fake approval of everyone who doesn't care about you anyway.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people wouldn’t mind. Obviously they’d probably question it to themselves if they’ve glanced at your scar but it’s not something someone would think of after. It won’t change anything. The ones that do care are people who think self-harm is “emo”. These are people who aren’t good and aren’t considerate of others. You should be thankful they aren’t in your life. So overall, people wouldn’t mind also as it doesn’t change who you are.

[provokeesmokee]

in my opinion, no. But frankly, you shouldn't date anyone who would be turned off or repulsed by them. Or someone who fetishizes them.

[0mg1mdy1n6]

Yes, I agree! But I just get kinda anxious about talking to guys when I don’t know how they would react to my scars

[UniquelyBasic]

It can definitely be a deal breaker for some probably more so because of what it reflects about the person and not so much about how it looks visually.

[0mg1mdy1n6]

Oh, okay. What do you think it reflects on a person?

[UniquelyBasic]

They don't know how to deal with their emotions well or are somewhat mentally unstable.

[0mg1mdy1n6]

Oh, I see

[0mg1mdy1n6]

What if the person has moved past it, and are now in a place where they have health coping mechanisms? Would you still hesitate in fear of that they may harm themselves again?

[UniquelyBasic]

Well that would be great if the person worked through that and got better but I would probably still be a little concerned that they might go back to self harming again.

[inhua]

turn off? yes. dealbreaker? no

but it does come into question why these scars are there in the first place

[0mg1mdy1n6]

Oh, okay. Would it be a big hindrance in finding the person attractive?

[inhua]

that would depend on how big those scars are

[0mg1mdy1n6]

They’re not that big, most of them aren’t lifted, and all of them are pale in color

[0mg1mdy1n6]

But they cover a pretty big area

[inhua]

in that case, it'll a slight turn-off. not enough to destroy complete attraction but it can't be seen as a positive

[0mg1mdy1n6]

Okay

[Staximus]

I don't care about the scars. It's the stress of having to worry about what she is going to do to herself that I don't want to deal with.

[0mg1mdy1n6]

I can understand that, but I consider myself stable and in a good mental state right now, so it’s kind of in the past except for my scars

[Anonymous]

Some guys might find it a turn-off but they shouldn't.

[Iron_Man]

Not a dealbreaker, but sad hopefully it doesn’t happen again

[0mg1mdy1n6]

Okay, thank you❤️ do you think this applies to teenage guys too?

[Iron_Man]

Usually guys don’t cut them selves. I have never done that usually it’s some women that would cut their leg. Don’t do that ever again please and what if you make a mistake and cut to deep, you’re gonna be in big trouble

[0mg1mdy1n6]

I know, I won’t do it again. I was just in a dark place and wasn’t really planning to live for very long

[Iron_Man]

Well, hopefully you’re better now because life is worth living for keep your head up and never give up

[0mg1mdy1n6]

Yesss, I’m past that period of my life, I’m much better now

[Iron_Man]

That’s great wonderful glad to hear it 😊

[Hithere4567]

It's understandable. A way of dealing with pain.

[DarkLegacy]

Big red flag, to much baggage and hassles

[0mg1mdy1n6]

I can see why you think that, but someone having scars doesn’t necessarily mean that they have a lot of baggage. They may have had a lot of it in the past, but self harm is most often just a bad coping mechanism. If the person has found a better, healthier coping mechanism, they’ve probably resolved any baggage they had

[Jmmmfi4]

Scars are cool

[Smokedpaprik47]

Yes , probably. Self harm scars are scary

[0mg1mdy1n6]

I get why you think that, but what is it that makes them scary to you?

[Anonymous]

I should think so.