Should I report my fiancé for punching me?

[Anonymous]

We have been dating for 5 years and our wedding is in 6 month. I don’t want to report him because i love him and i want us to be together but at the same time he showed me his ugly and scary side and i don’t want that around me. He got angry at me and punched me right in my face and he told me after that i should’ve known better to avoid getting punched.

[Mr_twoface]

On one hand I agree with other user that if it’s something that has never happened before, meaning this was one off thing in the heat of the moment, and you continue to love him dearly one can see pass this moment with a lot of communication and possibly even couples therapy.

However, for the above to happen one needs to be extremely regretful for their action taken against you and openly request your forgiveness! Raising a hand, no matter which sex you are, towards your partner you claim to love and respect and follow it with uttering the words “U should’ve known better to avoid getting punched” is very appalling and totally a red flag! A person who is not regretful of their behaviour should seek counselling and shouldn’t be in a relationship. Period!

This brings down to your question, whether or not to report him and I believe reporting him can go two ways. One way is that his temper isn’t controllable and if you are living together he can take it further upon you for pressing charges against him and God forbids it gets worse than before. Second way is you are not living together and you press charges but given the situation he still might loose his temper because it came out of sudden without any intensive talks about his behaviour against you.

I would suggest to pull yourself out of the equation despite loving him and tell him to seek anger management therapy and that you don’t want anything to do with him. However this also requires you to be able to leave the household altogether. Again if you are living together this can be extremely hard and difficult and can push your safety limits.

Firstly, postpone the wedding planes or totally scrap it for now. Communicate openly as to your reasoning and request couples counselling. Don’t fall for his apologies at this point because it’s too late.

Secondly, continue to observe his ugly and scary side for a longer period to see whether or not it was a one off thing or there are underline issues that can cause him to repeat his offence again.

If it turns out to the better, and here you need to be careful about observing his movements and not be tainted by the love, then you can with a lots of communication, empathy and love move on and set the date.

If you however see behaviours that are ugly then you shouldn’t doubt them nor ignore them due to love, and go separate ways.

It’s always better to share this moment with close friends so they are aware of your situation and maybe have a diary about your incident and times hereafter, cause you can’t predict the future, and having assurance or others knowing about your past can be helpful if needed later in life.

Best wishes to you!

[Finchie40]

Ummm dump his ass now!!! don’t think for a second that he will not eventually do that to you again , you are setting yourself up for disaster by forgiving him. You are setting yourself up to be physically abused by this piece of shit. I don’t care how mad someone is , it doesn’t give them a right to put their hands on you period , he showed you his true colors , do not marry his abusive piece of shit he doesn't love you , if he loved you? He wouldn’t be punching you in the face period. You Girls’ need to wake the fuck up and not fall for guys’ like this You deserve way better than that shit , you should of called the cops the second he punched you in the face and pressed charges on his ass , He would be sitting in jail for his actions , it’s considered domestic abuse. Do not go back to this guy , he doesn’t truly love you

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Yes. Yes. Yes! If that is how he expresses his anger and then he blames you, get out now. I know it's hard, but it's even harder when you are a single mom with children trying to make ends meet because you finally realized the truth: He is abusive.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

If you don't want to call the police and report it, you can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help finding support groups, counseling, and other resources in your area: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

[Anonymous]

Don’t let your love for someone lead you to an early grave. Report him and break off the relationship.

[AviatorTom]

No, you shouldn't report him. You have to choices,

1. Leave him, as many people have commented below, or

2. Stay with him, but be on the lookout for this being common behavior.

I don't believe in ending a relationship over a single bad incident. Why was he angry? Was his anger justified? Is this the only time he has done anything like this? We all have bad days, and sometimes do things we regret later. Is this one of those times?

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Dude, he PUNCHED HER in anger.

[AviatorTom]

@TheRealPepperPotts You've never done anything that you regret later? A lifetime penalty for a single action is wrong!

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Sorry, I disagree. I highly doubt it's a single action, either. But in any case, it's a misdemeanor or assault and she doesn't have to press charges. She just needs to report it, get away and be safe. More than likely, nothing will happen to him because she has to prove it beyond a reasonable doubt and has no witnesses.

[Juxtapose]

Adults are 100% responsible for their own actions and hitting someone outside of self-defense or in defense of another is entirely unacceptable. The fact that you are excusing this is reprehensible.

Men are not children.

[AviatorTom]

@Juxtapose I'm not excusing his actions. I'm just asking if it's appropriate for a one-time action done in anger, something that probably many people have done, is worthy of such a huge punishment.

[Juxtapose]

If someone punches you, especially if you're a woman? You cut them off with no questions asked. The way the guy tried to justify it too..

I have never punched someone except when I was about 6 years old or in martial arts training.

[Juxtapose]

"He got angry at me and punched me right in my face and he told me after that i should’ve known better to avoid getting punched."

Irredeemable.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Juxtapose "Irredeemable". Yep, exactly.

[exitseven]

sorry Tom, I always agree with you but these guys will never give it up. She will be battered and maybe worse.

[AviatorTom]

@exitseven I didn't say she should stay with him. That's her option #1 in my post, her choice. My only point was about not reporting him. And I stick with that opinion.

[laraWM]

Of course you should report him and leave him now

[Chazmatazz269]

Leave and call the police. Abusers always escalate. If he’s punching you in the face, he’ll be strangling you by the time you’ve said your vows. Get the f*ck out now. Don’t even take your things. Go back with family and friends to collect your things. And press charges! He won’t learn if there aren’t negative consequences. You don’t want to get out just to find out he hurt someone else, or worse.

[JacobJordan]

... you trolling or serious? If he put hands on dudes a bitch. Worse still he is going to do it again. The end result of this situation is generally death or massive trauma. Run far and run fast.

[JC_jester]

Using physical violence is against the law. Report him and forget about him. He won't stop beating you on his own; it will only get worse. Right now, he thinks he doesn't have to try to be nice anymore, that you're his, that you won't risk leaving him, that you'll be scared to be without him. Don't fulfill his oppressive script. You deserve a man, not that thing.

[Juxtapose]

The fact that you even have to ask this leads me to believe that your intellectual capabilities are compromised. He punched you, where is the ambiguity in this? Are you going to accept it like some sort of weak bitch or are you going to stand up for yourself and leave him?

[exitseven]

Okay- you have been given a great gift. You saw this before getting married and have a kid with him. Get out now and don't look back. He will not change and you will regret marrying him. Dump him but make sure your brothers come with you When you do

[Nikki1989]

He did it once, he will probably do it again.

[PeachyPie93]

If that actually happened? Why would you stay? If any guy ever punched me in the face the police would be there instantly. Unless you punched him in the face first, then you had it coming lol.

[CrabCakes11]

You should leave him as soon as possible and call the police. This is horrific. This man is going to kill you one day. Please leave. It’s not our fault

[Ms_Facesitter]

Leave. I could say more like the rest, but it all comes down to the same thing... you just leave asap or risk more injury. You're not even married yet and saw this huge red flag.

[Phoenix98]

Honestly I would say cut ties with him and end it a man should never put his hands on his woman in anger that's not right and if he's done it once who's to say he'll do it again.

[sheikalana]

Listen, when someone shows you their true colors believe them. Reporting, leaving him and cutting all forms of contact is the right thing to do.

[BonzoInBitburg]

So he punched you and said you should've known better? It's only going to get worse if that's how he thinks.

[DishLady]

Leave him for sure. So not stop past go. If you file a report, also file for a restraining order bc the first thing will get him angry.

[KittyKatLady]

Please leave him first, but DO report him. This man is a criminal.

[TommyMountainFigure]

If your best friend came to you with that information? What would you tell HER to do?

[petitedollbabee]

That’s your decision to make. But common sense says yes. Sadly, common sense isn’t so common..

[OddBeMe]

If you’re asking, report it. Probably nothing will happen but at least it’s documented.

And get the fuck away from him. Obviously it’s toxic no matter how good the sex is.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Uhhh. Leave. If he's done it once he'll do it again.

[elizamichale1]

Wowww n u r still keeping the wedding plans in motion huhh

[12karen]

Lol, report him, he punched you then instead of apologizing he blames you, girl it's your whole life that you're playing with, you deserve better

[boobliker]

report him as it can only get worse as time goes on

[Pohjolan]

Don't come back here later whining that he keeps punching you if you choose to stay.

[AngryCarl]

Yes, that's assault. And you should probably rethink that whole wedding idea.

[elaphe]

I would not be engaged to him anymore if I were you.

[Anonymous]

Well wasn't the punch hard enough? How are you alive?

[war_daddy]

my advice is don't marry hiim. he sounds like he's an abuser and will do it more later on

[Anonymous]

maybe you did something to deserve it, weather you didn't do your chores or make him something to eat, he did the right thing, respect to him.

[slatyb]

Get the hell out now. Do not marry him.

[sheenagwapa]

yes please and pls ditch his ass

[laly520]

u need to report him n leave

[OtterMan68]

yes, but dump him first.

[jahaims]

Lmfao you are still engaged?

[sirderpsalot123]

Yes and don't stay with him

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely