My boyfriend punched a guy for talking me. Is it a red flag?

Question

I never had a guy who was possessive of me or jealous when other guys talked to me. So when I started dating my boyfriend Ben it was cute to me. I won't lie he got jealous really easily but I always used to think it was a sign he really cared. He wasn't ever aggressive towards me so i didn't see it as abusive behavior, he would just get mad or defensive if other guys tried to talk to me or about me. I thought it just meant he liked me a lot. But a while ago he scared the shit out of me when a guy asked me on a date. Of course I said no, I have a boyfriend. He persisited but it wasn't anything serious, it was just talk. Ben came out if nowhere and pushed the guys head down and was telling him he would beat the shit out of him. It was not even that serious and I really felt like Ben was bullying the guy more than anything. I told him to just let the guy go, he was just a teenager anyway. He was like 18. Im 20, I dont date younger guys. But Ben had him pinned and at first the guy was just saying let him go and stuff, but he called Ben a name and so Ben punched the guy. And that really scared me because I never saw him act like that or make such a big deal out of a guy simply flirting with me. That was so uncalled for and I was mad. I'm not scared of Ben, he never hit me or called me a name, he never was violen towards me at all. But he is violent and aggressive to other people. Like he is a bully.

OverCaffeinated93 · Accepted Answer

Men hit men all the time. Doesn't mean he will hit you. Just like when a dog is aggressive towards other dogs that doesn't mean it will hurt a person.
Don't date younger guys. BAAAAD idea. Not because of something like this but because you basically have take the place of their mom.

He's not a bully. The guy pissed him off and he took care of it. If he punched a stranger who neither of you had ever spoken to then that's a red flag. I see this as more of he was defending his place as your boyfriend. That other guy made him feel threatened even if he knows you wouldn't do anything, it's that other guy he doesn't trust.
But if you are really turned off by any show of violence then go find a skinny guy in a coffee shop in Queens.

Jaye234 · Accepted Answer

Yes, Ben's behavior is inexcusable, extreme and immature. It's not as if that guy physically attacked you. I could understand Ben getting a tad jealous but that's it he flipped. That's not normal. Way too jealous. What's next he's going to get pissed if when you go to work, the store, or hang out with friends?
You really need to reconsider this Ben guy. How long have you been dating him? (I'm being nosey)

blasiangirl12 · Accepted Answer

Red flag, if you rejected the guy then what your boyfriend did was uncalled for. He seems to have a short temper tbh. I know it may seem as if he isn't abusive but if you're going around punching guys who talk to you even if you rejected then boyyy... Your partner should be a representation of you and I know you're not like that. So maybe just talk to him and see what he says about that :)

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Unfortunately, with someone like this (a bad temper and boundary issues/impulse control), the WORST behavior he exhibits to other people will EVENTUALLY get directed towards you if you stay with him. It might take months or years, but sooner or later, it will happen.

The guy asking for a date was no physical threat to you or to Ben, so Ben's violence was absolutely unjustified. That's definitely a huge red flag.

DefinitelySane · Accepted Answer

Definitely a red flag. If he gets that angry and violent over something this small, especially after you tell him to stop, he's got issues. How long have you been with him? This side of someone usually comes out after dating a while, he's probably been hiding it. It's very possessivr behaviour, and violent tendencies are never a good sign.

Apope16 · Answer

DUMP HIS ASS immediately.

yes. it is a huge red flag. it shows he is insecure and controlling. A real man is confident and so is an alpha male. He is secure in himself and in his relationship.

A real man is also classy and handles negotiation well. He wouldn't need to resort to violence to approach another man and say, "Hey man, just to let you know, that is my girlfriend. No your boundaries. Im sure you can respect that. I hope we can be cool on this and I will be watching you."

A real man is a gentleman. Period. Sometimes class and confidence will get another man's respect or may even intimidate them.

Your boyfriend punching another guy like that is a sure sign that soon he will be punching YOU.

Cloudy25 · Answer

That's like the biggest red flag of them all. Jealous AND violent? Run.

Also that "he'll never be violent towards me, only to other people" attitude gotta go. It's naive, he could very well turn his aggressiveness towards you some day if you piss him off. What he did was totally uncalled for, he wasn't defending you or himself, he was just angry, and that's when you should be worried.

abc3643 · Answer

RED FLAG - Instant ejection.
He'll be controlling... and want to control you... and, when you speak up or begin to assert yourself, you become the next punching bag. Find a way to break up with him slowly with little drama. Be smart about - just stop significantly participating in the relationship and let him break up with you. That way, he won't get angry.

crazyinlovemal · Answer

Run away. He is abusive. If you talked to someone and he pushed the other guy down eventually it will carry over and you will become the target. yes it is great to have someone that cares for you that much but that is over the top. I really think he will turn his aggression toward you one day when he feels like you have done something wrong

chanelrose · Answer

Definitely a red flag... That shows signs of aggressive behavior. He clearly gets jealous easily and won't take any shit. I'd be scared, hopefully he wouldn't get violent with you. Be cautious. In fact, if you think you have to be cautious in your relationship, LEAVE. You should never have to feel that way. Find somebody better, girl.

Underduress · Answer

One thing you can be certain of, someday he will turn that crap on you. It is only a matter of time. He will shift his jealously anger to you as the cause.

Anonymous · Answer

Is this a red flag? lol what kind of other flag do you want... orange flag, purple flag to realize your boyfriend is not normal...

Yes this is a flag no matter what color, don't walk away from him but run trust me gurl

HungLikeAHorsefly · Answer

Yep, reg flag right there. Waving high and proud. One day ol' Ben's gonna come away with a few less teeth for that behavior, too.

Intraluminal · Answer

Danger Will Robinson! Danger!

Greatcat · Answer

What did the kid call him after just trying to pick up his girlfriend? Sometimes a kid needs to be put in his place and it takes a man to do it. Maybe you should be grateful.

Fuselesss · Answer

red flag definitely. what happens if u stay with the guy in a long ter relationship and u argue every once in a while? he has a temper issue, stay away.

meatballs21 · Answer

"But a while ago he scared the shit out of me" You should never be afraid of your SO or what they do.

Anonymous · Answer

It's obvious there is a part of this girl that loves this behaviour. However, the wise man looks upon how the King treats his friend, his servants, and his enemies...

Cosytoasty · Answer

Lol won't lie, you're probably going to end up in a cellar somewhere tied up and chained with this nutjob.

winterfox10 · Answer

That is a major major red flag. He hasn't been violent towards you, which is good, but he has been controlling you in other ways; he is isolating you from other guys. If you're smart, you'll run.

Harrisontb · Answer

Red flag, drop him. It's only a matter of time before he tries to blame you or something.

sillykeetie · Answer

That's scary. Personally I wouldn't stay with a violent unstable person.

azzntittiz · Answer

Yes he's crazy as hell and will punch you one day for causing guys to look at you.

clumsy_g · Answer

A really big red flag... He can't comtrol his emotion also... One day he could do that to you

turdchaser · Answer

Not a red flag the guy persisted after you said you had a boyfriend, yours was just protecting you how he saw fit

My boyfriend punched a guy for talking me. Is it a red flag?

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