My girlfriend is gorgeous but doesn't know how to be sexy. How do I tell her with out telling her?

[Anonymous]

My girl friend is stunningly beautiful but has no sex appeal. She doesn't really enjoy her woman hood. When it comes to her being sexy it's kinda of like watching someone struggle with a puzzle all the pieces are there but they aren't sure how they fit. She was raised as tomboy an never really learned how to be feminine. I on the other hand have great taste when it comes to style, but don't enjoy telling her how to put the puzzle together. I Wana be surprised but she not very good at it. I love her death but how can I help her get it?

Updates

+1 y

first off I don't want to change her I want to help with her confidence. "stumbling in the dark" is a much better analogy. She never had anyone to show her how to be confident and sexy. I was the first person to ever take her shopping and tell her she looked great in what she had on. She tries very hard and that only makes me love her more. I am not a girl so when I say things or tell her stuff that may help her she isn't always as receiving as she would be if it were from a girlfriend.

Updates

+1 y

Its hard to be her boyfriend and her guide. She grew up learning how to hunt and skin animals. Nobody taught her to embrace her sexy side.

[CuddlyCarla]

As a tomboy myself, I don't think most women are generally raised to be tomboys (unless they have the rare father that is sports obsessed and wants them to be into more boyish pursuits), most of us just are, and often to the disappointment of our families ;p Being tomboyish doesn't mean you don't enjoy your womanhood. I very much enjoy being a woman, I am just not outwardly obsessed with being feminine, I consider myself having many traits of both genders and feel more masculine than feminine as a whole. However, I don't want to be a guy nor do I want to be treated like one (and I never have been by a boyfriend). It obviously depends on the person and since I don't know your girlfriend I can't say, but I'm willing to guess you both have very different outlooks and opinions on this. Maybe you should ask her about it and find out what her views are. I wouldn't guess she is struggling to see how she fits into anything, she is probably comfortable being herself. I am quite happy being a tomboy and I'm in my 30s, for me there is nothing to figure out about it - it's never cost me anything in life that I've been aware of - I've had no trouble finding men and having a successful personal and professional life. Not wearing makeup is really very natural and thus raw, as opposed to the lady that has to go through a lot of work to feel attractive whereas a tomboyish may inherently feel beautiful as they are, and that takes a lot of confidence and comfort and knowing how you "fit" into the world. What you see as a lack of confidence may be, to her, the exact opposite. I had a family that spent a lifetime trying to make me more feminine, but that just doesn't work and if you try that with your woman, she may come to feel offended by it. If at her age she is still tomboyish, it's doubtful she is going to change in a broader sense. If you knew this about her from the beginning and it was a problem, I'm not sure why you continued with the relationship - this is how your partner is, just as there are things about you that she probably isn't so happy about but accepts, it's the nature of compromise which is key in a relationship. I'm sure there are other traits for more upsetting a partner could have so if this is the least of your worries with her consider yourself lucky. That said, if you want her to "vamp it up" once in a while, maybe you should tell her in a subtle way. For example, if you are in the mall and you see a mannequin in the window wearing lingerie, tell her you think it's really hot and you'd be really amused seeing her try something like that. I have 'surprised' my boyfriends in the past with something like this, but they often don't have a favorable reaction because they like me the way I am and let me know it. Generally, they appreciate the sentiment but it's not their thing. This is clearly not you though... I'd appreciate the girl for who she is if she's a great girlfriend, hopefully she accepts you.

[Ranta]

It sounds like she probably just needs more confidence. :) Try telling her when she does something you like, or complimenting her on her sex-appeal (even if she isn't coming across as sexy-- just as long as she's trying to be) more often. I'm willing to bet that she just doesn't see herself as sexy, so she's trying to play the part of the sexy girl while feeling like it doesn't suit her. Your job is to convince her that she is attractive (which I'm sure you're doing a great job of already). It'll probably take some time, but with enough reassurance she'll realize how sexy she really is, and everything (confidence, sex appeal, etc.) will come more naturally and not feel as forced. :)

I hope this helps, and best of luck!

[peace-love-couture]

You knew what she was like when you began dating her so why are you trying to change her?

When women try to change men, men go crazy and say that it's bullsh*t to do so. But when a dude wants to change a woman, it's alright? I think not.

Becoming or looking sexy isn't gonna happen over night.

[peace-love-couture]

If it's such a concern, tell her. Sure it'll hurt her feelings but I'm sure you'll get what you want

[Kattrain]

Just say 'I love it when you ______ like that" or "You look really sexy in that" so she knows what you like because right now she must be stumbling in the dark

[ZenQueen]

encourage her when she tries and be sexy yourself, be an example;)

[ZenQueen]

it doesn't sound like that big of a deal, that's who she is, sexiness is really overdone by media, maybe you have a false idea of what sexy is, everyone one is sexy in their own way, she doesn't have to be anything she's not

[Asker]

Very true,

[littlemissthing]

maybe if I saw a picture of her I could suggest tips for you to tell her

[Anonymous]

Just tell her. If we was raised a tomboy she shouldn't be offended too easily.

[Opinion Owner]

*If SHE was raised a tomboy she shouldn't be offended too easily.