How do I get my girlfriend to be more sexy?

[Anonymous]

Am I trying to change her? Every relation has give and take. No relationship is perfect.

I can appreciate several things about her. Other things I have grown accustomed to.

But I sometimes wish she would change her style and fitness level. Not a drastic change - just to add some oomph to it. I think it is a small change that would help our sex life and love life tremendously.

In contrast, I don't oppose her suggestion for hair or clothing unless it something I absolutely detest. But it seems, she has more say in maintaining her style and its less negotiable.

[Alli39]

I mean you can always suggest exercising together or gift her clothing items you find attractive (AND think she'll also enjoy). But at the end of the day if she says she doesn't want to do something or doesn't like something, that's her choice and you have to respect it. If you start insisting, making derogatory comments, etc then you absolutely are trying to change her and are getting into the range of toxic/emotionally abusive behaviors. Suggestions are fine, but you have to put your respect for her and her personal autonomy first.

[Anonymous]

I think the best way to get her to be more sexy is to treat her like she already is sexy. I would suggest going with her when she’s clothes shopping. Let her browse, but find something you like and tell her “Hey I think this would look really hot on you! You should definitely try this on.” Have her model for you. Shower her with compliments. Insist that she buys it and even offer to pay for it.
Do activities together that will help her to be more active. If she’s not one to feel motivated to go to a gym, take her on nature inspired dates; walking in the park, hiking, canoeing, you could gather a group of friends and play disc golf.
Call her up sometime and tell her to dress in something nice and take her somewhere fancy.
Hold her hand, kiss her neck, kiss her long and good, run your fingers through her hair. Make her feel like she’s the most desirable woman in the world to you.

Give her a reason to want to change.

[Asker]

Thanks

[RespectfulGuy]

I hate the word change. I prefer to use "Upgrade". It sounds so much more modern and preserves the person's character.

No we don't want and can't change another person.

But if the person is willing, there are ways to upgrade for personal benefits.

Much like app or os upgrade, a person can learn more skills, or be more empathetic and kind, or reaching to be more sociable and acceptable to her circle of friends.

And yes, the final upgrade may put the person out of your reach, much like we can no longer afford the same device of the latest model.

Hence, you want her to be more sexy? Sure.

Encourage her to join a makeover class. Or get her to join you in gym or aerobics. Or learn public speaking and social etiquette.

She may suddenly have so many guys flocking around her that she break up with you. So be cautious. 😁

[inhua]

people making you out to be the bad guy already SMH

there's been plenty of questions like this where women wanting their jobless man to get a job and the responses were "dump him" or "make him an ultimatum" etc.

absolutely hypocrisy and double standards

[SnowedIn]

Changing someone and relationships not being perfect are two completely different things.

You are trying to change her. There's stuff about her that you don't like. And you want to change those. Not cool.

[Asker]

"Changing someone and relationships not being perfect are two completely different things."

Can you elaborate more on this?

[SnowedIn]

You put in the same sentence "am I trying to change her" and "no relationship is perfect". They belong in two different pieces of writing.

My point was that acknowledging that no relationship is perfect isn't some segue to trying to change someone which is what you made it sound like.