Why is a girl stalking a guy seen cute/funny but if a guy does that, it's creepy?

[Anonymous]

I'm guilty of this myself and now as an adult, I know it's wrong.

I was the parents' 3rd and last child but the neglected one. They wouldn't notice if I came back home later than usual. It was that bad. I once overheard mom saying that I was an accident. My crush was one of the few people that acted friendly from day 1. I didn't want anyone to know I liked him and sometimes I acted like a bully.

A couple of my classmates and I were invited to his house. I memorized his address and sometimes would secretly stalk him at random hours, staring at the window, daydreaming about him. This went on from grades 4th to 6th. Unlike fiction endings, nope I didn't get him. I got help and we moved on with our lives. He never found out but I wouldn't blame him if he got creep out.

Yet if it were a boy/guy acting that in that same manner (doing what I did), it would be creepy. Why is it still seen cute or funny if we do it to a guy but creepy if they do it to us?

[NamerOfStars]

Think back to a disaster. It doesn't really matter which one; take your pick. When the media (again, take your pick; it doesn't really matter which one) talks about it, they'll describe the victims differently, based on gender: women and children are "women and children"; men are "miners", or "sailors", or whatever their job has to be (which will probably depend on the disaster, as that's usually why men get killed in them). Women are presumed to have value based simply on their sex.

They get empathy. Men, on the other hand, get respect, and while that's normally a positive thing for them, it extends to being respected AS A THREAT. Think of Mary Kay LeTourneau (not the first teacher to have sex with one of her students, but the first to make big news about it): not only got a slap on the wrist (she actually went to jail, which is WAY more than women in her position get, but only for three months; remember that she RAPED A CHILD), but to only mild eyebrow raising *married her rape victim* when she got out of prison. No, not after a mere three months; this when after she went BACK to prison for refusing to honor the "no contact with the victim" provision in her initial sentencing. A recidivist felon, whose offenses got ignored; someone not so much "falling through the cracks" as rising through them? No- while it'd be scandalous as HELL how lightly she was punished if she'd been a man, she had the BOOK thrown at her compared to what happens to women who do the same thing today.

Society doesn't really care about men (males, really, but boys get *some* sympathy, based largely on their age) who are victims, or blame women who are offenders (if you doubt that, look up what happens when it's a *girl* who gets raped by a woman). That's ultimately what it comes down to.

[JDavid25]

I mean I wouldn't think it was cute... Unless I really liked you, I'm a bit unhealthy in the head, but even then it's til a certain point til I start to get annoyed and creeped out.. Lol.. But generally it is creepy just not as creepy as with men.. Because men are seen as more physically dangerous (which generally we are).. It's like if a bear was following you vs. a cat.. LOL.. You would be a bit creeped out by the cat by not too worried, maybe even might think it's cute depending l, but you would be terrified of a bear following because it's much more dangerous..

[Asker]

Good point and yes it makes a lot of sense. I must say that when I did the stalking we were 9-12 year-olds at the time. I used to be taller and stronger than him. During childhood, some of us can't be stronger than boys. Obviously not anymore... lol

[JDavid25]

Of course.. And true, but he did have bigger and stronger parents.. Haha.. And yeah well you can excuse it a bit since you were a kid.. Unless it carved out an unhealthy pattern for your later years.. But obviously you are fine now though.. Thanks for MHO also. 😊

[SamIam96]

Your questions highlights two things that for me, defines a stalker:

1) Understanding of reality over imagination.

2) Power over the person being stalked.

The second is easy to understand. Women rarely are able to physically overpower their target. And, I've never heard a credible report of a guy being sexually assaulted by a female stalker.

The first is slightly more nuanced. You clearly understand what you were doing, sought help and are now "normal". True stalkers envision an outcome that isn't based upon reality.

Ultimately, I think the difference in ability to over power is why it's creepier when a man stalks a woman than the opposite.

[Asker]

True and good point. Though I suppose if he knew at the time that I was stalking him (ages 9-12), he could've been creeped out. At the time, I used to be several inches bigger and heavier than him. That's the only time we can overpower them... during childhood and before the teen years.

[Wubs3000]

1. Society norms and just the general stigma against men. Lots of situations that both genders can be in have different results. Men with children are creeps, women with children are I don't know caregivers but generally not seen as creeps. I'm guilty of this myself I def think of it differently depending on what gender is there.

2. Men are more powerful I guess so stalking could turn into rape in a mans case but for women thats probably not possible.

[JDBSLAOQ]

because the people you hang out with share that opinion.

no one i know thinks its cute or funny for a girl to stalk, so its not a "thing" for it to be undermined. find better friends or start talking to them about it

[Anonymous]

Because girls are only taught that they can be victims and men can only be aggressors. Girls are taught all about GIVING consent but not receiving consent. I'm sure every guy has at least at least one experience with a woman touching them without their consent, stalking them, and just being overall creepy.

[Anonymous]

Because girls are harmless, while boys carry dangerous guns in their pants.

[Asker]

True. I never meant to hurt him. I just imagined what it would be like being with him and having the love I wanted.

[In_Trance]

I don't think it's funny at all I think it's creepy as fuck

[Asker]

yes it was very unhealthy the way I was obsessing over him

[Anonymous]

Girls get away with everything and are allowed to be sexually aggressive.

[Asker]

I see that happening in a couple cases and yes it's still wrong.

[Opinion Owner]

saying it’s wrong when you do nothing about it and still reap the benefits of it, is redundant.

[NathanDavis]

obsessed women are not cute nor funny...

[Asker]

He only found out that I liked him but not the stalking part. Needless to say, he still thought the way I acted (bullying him and being mean to not make it so obvious) didn't make any sense at all and he didn't like me back.
I get the feeling that if he had found out I've stalked him for 2 years, he would've been creeped out. I don't blame him. It was wrong.

[NathanDavis]

stalkers have mental issues... that's not cute or funny, especially for the victims

[Asker]

yes eventually I knew what was wrong with me; I was depraved of attention and love from my own parents; treated as an unwanted child. So one act of kindness from him (he was actually a good kid that simply liked helping others) meant everything for me to the point I got obsessed with him for too long. It was indeed unhealthy.

[NathanDavis]

unhealthy, yes...

but not cute, and not funny

[Anonymous]

It’s never cute or funny.