Do peoples characters and morals change post break up when dealing with exs?

[Cheeky2022]

I did put up a question regarding how I am currently struggling to try and get back with my ex. She hasn't said no but doesn't seem to allow momentum to build to try and move forward. She also seems like she's not on the ball when it comes to messages when I know she is very well organised and meticulous/keen eye for detail in real life.

I guess it really depends on how you broke up. But if you were still open to communicating with your ex would you change how you behaved or your morals? As in would you still hold a higher standard for yourself or because you dont really care you would say/do things which were not really in your nature. Due to the nature of the relationship as its is now.

For example I actually said to my ex if me messaging her was awkward we do not need to communicate. Her response was its not awkward and if she didn't want to talk to me she would block me or not speak to me. She still replies but there obviously is a lot of distance.

Where as Im still the same. Maybe its because Im doing the chasing here and she has no real interest.

Would be interesting to hear from people who do still speak to their exs but they are either contemplating getting back together or they know there is zero chance of getting back together but you continue chatting.

[SphynxUK]

What are the mixed signals? She’s your ex. She cares for you. She probably would like to stay amicable. She may reply to a text but won’t want to chat at any length.
Why are you trying to get back together? Is this something she has said might happen?

[Cheeky2022]

We are amicable. As I mentioned in my other thread ( I have another question out regarding this already and everyone says I need to move on) she never instigates the convo apart from once but she always replies and we have a conversation. We broke up because I pushed her away as I wasn't in the right place at the time mentally. In turn she pushed me away and we broke up.

I had to think about myself and why I behaved/did what I did. I just became distant and she felt she wasn't desired/wanted etc. No cheating/fighting etc. I only actually found all of this out after we split when we had a discussion. I did ask her to get back together a month or so later but it was more reflex. She felt I couldnt change that quickly or that anyone could. She was right. I needed to work on myself.

[Cheeky2022]

Anyways, I have worked on myself now. I told her early last week how I felt and how I had grown which she was pleased to hear. I also suggested if we could try again and how things went the first time was a result of where I was mentally ( lockdown and living on my own probably didn't help either). I apologised for it and she accepted my apology. The irony of it all was if we didn't break up I wouldn't have grown as a person etc. Her response was that regarding me and her she would think about it. She said she doesn't believe a person can change that soon... but said maybe they can. That was what was holding her back atm.

I guess in my head I know I have changed and Im not just saying it. I feel like a completely different person. My emotions are open and I said I needed to grow regardless of who I am with. But I didn't want regrets of not trying. Im focusing on being positive which feels way better and so does the world. So I wanted to try and meet up so she could see another side of me but I guess thats outside of my control. Im not sure how you can show someone you have changed without meeting them.

This is where I am. I told her it needed to be her decision and she should think about it. She said she would come back to me when she can in terms of the message. That was a week or so ago and I haven't heard anything since.

So I either just wait but I guess I feel uneasy not doing anything. But understand its up to her.

[SphynxUK]

Ah, thanks for the background. I think if you ‘changing’ has been a long process, like a year, then she should be able to be safe in the knowledge you mean it.
If it’s only been months, I suspect she’s unsure. Things don’t change overnight. Time will tell…

[Cheeky2022]

Maybe. Well I reached out just to say if she had a think about it. She responded and apologised for not responding and that she would. I needed closure so I responded a few days later with if she's not interested in pursuing a relationship then thats ok. I just said I just can't understand why you wouldn't just say a yes or a no. Instead of kind of being a bit wishy washy. Its been 3 months and I asked her this 2 weeks ago. Anyway, I've ultimately made the decision for her. Not responding means she's your not keen in my eyes and I can't get the ball rolling if both people are not on the same page. I've just said lets just leave it there. Its just weird. I know our relationship dynamic is now different but jeez, she seems like a completely different person lol. she's very organised, into detail and pretty smart but she just seems sloppy. Maybe Im not a priority which Id expect but thats why I asked this question. Her responses just seem soo off.

Even after my last message and said sorry for it taking so long. She said she will read everything again later...

I really dont get it. Anyways, Im going to carry on. If she has anything to say she can let me know.

[LazerBean]

Rarely

[Cheeky2022]

Well this is what I would have thought. I guess Im trying to bring it round to my ex right now. We talked about meeting up and she would agree but there was never a right time for her. Or we would discuss having a phone call which she would agree to having but again never time to have one. But she would always just be straight and say yes or no. Maybe genuinely she doesn't have the time or maybe its more of a case that she doesn't want to make time. She would generally just say it how it is. But now, its kind of like she's agreeing but doesn't really want to follow through.

[LazerBean]

Is very unlikely that she has actually changed, your relationship is just changed. It was always within her character to act like that, but you are no longer a boyfriend. You're an ex. She's not treating you differently because she changed, she's treating you differently because what you are to her is different now.

[Cheeky2022]

Ah ok. That makes sense. Thank you. I understand now. I guess I need to remove the rose tinted glasses and look at it from a position of no bias. Would be great if you could look at my other question regarding my current situation with my ex. Your view would be interesting to take on board. Everyone has said I need to move on lol. I guess one more person may add wait to that ha

[LazerBean]

Sure I'll take a look lol

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing some do, and why not?

[Cheeky2022]

I dont have an issue with them changing. I guess Im trying to understand by relating it to my own situation. As Im getting mixed signals I guess.