Why do people change in relationships?

Question

For example, most people are very careful, considerate, loving & sweet first few years & eventually it gets less & less what is the reason, in your opinion?

Diodoro · Accepted Answer

Few things

1. People change over time irrespective of a relationship. You won't even be the same person 3 years from now and in a relationship two people are both changing. The goal is that you both change in the same direction

2. It's not uncommon for people to not be necessarily entirely honest with who they are and or what they wanted at the start. So potentially with time it's not that they changed. But they can no longer handle being in something that's not what they initially wanted.

Maybe they thought you would change or they had "potential" for something that you wanted only for you to find out that's not what they wanted for them. It's what you wanted for them

And I say not honest about what you want rather than what you want changing because deep down you know when you have doubts. And when you ignore them that's when you're not being honest with yourself and thereby also not being honest with the other person

While yes people change over time, if you're clear on what you want that won't necessarily change in a dramatic way outside perhaps the degree. Like if you want to make 250k in the next 5 years and by year 3 you can see yourself doing 500k and readjust for that. The goal was the same, the target simply moved slightly

3. Taking for granted what you have because you aren't consistently reminded of their value in your life. Part of the reason those in your life are taken for granted is because you don't clock all the things they bring to your life. And because you don't pay attention to those things you unintentionally diminish your perception of their value to you and with that tends to lead to an attitude of "what have you done for me lately?"

Rather than being the best lover you can.

4. Building silent resentments, rather than bringing things up and talking about issues as they arise for whatever the reason may be. One bad habit that is potentially a relationship killer is one more often girls do.

They don't get mad about one thing. They file every single thing you did that bothered them over the past 6 months then when it becomes too much. They yell about how you did this and this and this, and didn't do this and this and this, and it's all because YOU DON'T CARE... all because you forgot to take out the trash when you got home lol

Obviously extreme but you get the point. That shit happens to varying degrees and those little resentments over time effect behavior in a relationship

ohshee · Accepted Answer

Most of the time when people get in relationships they look to the outside of the person and they think that's who that person really is people don't change it's all of a sudden they start looking at the inside you start feeling the person from the inside and they see who's that person truly is that's why I always say before I even dating anybody I want to know exactly who they are on the inside because that's who they truly are the beauty on the outside is where we all fell because we fall in love with that look and that look means nothing that's not who they are they are the person on the inside, if the energy of a person who is the true person the real person

paradiseonearth93 · Accepted Answer

Novelty and excitement may be worn off. This can be reignited but people get lazy.
Or they don’t feel the need to show it but the love is still there.
Or genuine love was never there/they were never in love but chose this partner due to an external factor that they thought was love/would guarantee love but failed to do so.

I haven’t been in a long enough relationship to give an honest experienced answer but all I can say is I never get bored with myself, less considerate or loving or giving to myself. I change a lot as a person; this is expected as people are constant.. I like to have fun with life and I hope to meet a partner who does too and will be IN love with me so all that consideration, loving and sweetness will be enduring.. throughout our changes..

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

In my family those that got married younger, learned how to grow and change together.

My grandparents on the one side are going to be hitting their 60 year anniversary soon, the other set, my grandpa died but they had been together for over 50 years when he passed.

I see people waiting to get married until they are older, more set in their ways and less flexible to learn and grow together with someone. They tend to be, my way or the highway. It happens to us all, as we get used to living alone, not having to share decisions that can be hard later on.

There is no way people are not going to change, they just need to figure out how to do it together.

AmandaYVR · Answer

Because people change in general. Skeptics say "people don't change" but few people stay static their entire lives.
People take others for granted because of familiarity. And they tend to be the most themselves around the ones they are closest to, because there is a certain [false] sense of safety that they can't get away with it, the other will stay. And that's not always true.

caring__1 · Answer

People tend to be on their best behavior, and promise the moon, until they settle in and feel secure. After that, the motivation to be the best partner they can be dwindles. Once that happens, the focus tends to be more on what the other person should be doing rather than what they can do to add to the moment. The more we focus on entitlement, the more insatiable we become and the less satisfied we'll be. It's easy to blame others when we feel unfulfilled, yet only our own action will change our situation.

Cubus · Answer

It's because of hormons. When we found a new person, and we get attracted to him/her we are curious about him/her. We want to get to know him/her, get surprised, discover. It's the same why people were exloring new lands in the past - because of curiosity, exploring an unknown is tempting, because we're curious what's there.

In relationship hormon "dopamine" is responsible for this. It motivates us, makes us want to discover our other half, to explore the future. But this hormone is only released for some time. When the relationship becomes a routine, we lose interest, because there is not much left to explore.

Little_Bumblebee · Answer

Either because they pretended that they were, to begin with, or they might have grown tired of the other or taken them for granted. Maybe something happened in the relationship or life had been rough on them so they don't have the energy to be considerate.

Hanrej · Answer

People build themselves outside of a relationship then lose themselves when engaged in a relationship. It's all fun and games before you're actually togeather then comes the responsibility, compromise, change and more often than not people won't discuss beforehand where they want to be in a year, much less 5 or 30.

AviatorTom · Answer

Life is all about change. We get older and more mature. Our bodies slow down. We move to a different place. Relationships also change over time, that's why relationships and marriage are hard work. They don't just happen... the partners need to work at the relationship.

SphynxUK · Answer

People become complacent and take each other for granted. Once you get here, it’s a downward spiral. If anyone tells you you don’t have to work at a relationship, they’re lying.

jasco · Answer

Lost of interest, people become busier with other task, their are problems that aren't being discuss, lack of feedback on both sides, someone is cheating or both, children ( sometimes plays a role ), lack of or to much money ( having to much money can be a curse in it's own way).

Anonymous · Answer

They are super careful during the getting to know you period (the honeymoon period). Partly unconscious and partly conscious. The are chemical changes that encourage this.
But this cannot last.
When normal brain function starts to take hold, so does normal behaviour. You may like it, you may not.
And in addition, they are learning more about you. They may like what they find, they may not.
Or they are just fickle and cannot sustain a relationship.

Wiredone · Answer

I think it's because they don't have to do all that anymore since they already got you. When they are trying to win your heart they are all lovey dovey and do everything for you. Once they get you they don't have to try so hard

ShadezMcgee · Answer

They stopped dating each other leading to the relationship and became complacent with routine and mundane activities. Both no longer do what attracted the other or kept the spark going.

MelonSoda · Answer

They gotta get you in there somehow. Once they do, they get comfortable and start showing you who they really are. It's up to you whether you wanna put up with it and stay or get the hell outta there.

dustybiker · Answer

We are bombarded with outside experiences on a daily bases. Those forces are enough to change a person no matter how stable the home is.

Steve1071 · Answer

People start to take their spouses for granted and get a little complacent and forget to let them know how much they mean to them. That’s one reason.

SAMI_DABBAB · Answer

The more you experience the more likely you will change in life, Relationships just happen to be a whole lot of experiences so they change us in a visible way

sheikalana · Answer

Because people change whether they're in a relationship or not. Or people tend to reveal their true colors with time.

Recurrence · Answer

I think it’s just that people change over time no matter what

fonduegirl · Answer

They don't change. They just start being lazy, inconsiderate jerks like they always were.

andy530 · Answer

People change…. It is foolish for us to enter into relationships and expect our partners not to change

Shivraj12s · Answer

I think because they are fake to care and love They just care to get that person  When they get them They shows what they are

EaterPeter · Answer

Exactly, why? They don't. They stay who they are. They change only in the beginning of the relationship.

Jhonrembo · Answer

In a relationship one should invest all the time and not let time and pressure erode the relationship. It's a daily job.

TallAnon · Answer

Time changes everything, you can't keep the same passion uo for years and years.

roy_ricky09 · Answer

It's not only the other person changes with time but it's us as well. It's life

Luopio27 · Answer

When you spend so much time with eachh othher, it is impossible not to go through little changes.

jahaims · Answer

People are fake to get into a relationship then their true colors come out and they get dumped

Smartman5 · Answer

Her/his behavior changes as she gets bored with some things

Anonymous · Answer

It's called limmerance. And it eventually wears off.

LiamSawyer · Answer

No real love was or is there.

Anonymous · Answer

It is called becoming more secure and confident in the relationship.

RebeccaBI2000 · Answer

People show their true colors in time

emperor90 · Answer

Maybe they change for the better

Ectomorph · Answer

Desensitisation

Why do people change in relationships?

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