Do you believe people can change for a relationship, or should they be accepted as they are?

Question

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Here's the realty: the vast majority of people don't change the fundamentals of themselves: their morals and values, attitudes, and behaviors, at least, not for the better. And as for the exceptions, they only change for themselves, on their own schedule and for their own reasons.

Thus, you should never assume that a person is going to change for the better. If you cannot accept them for who they are the day you meet them, then acknowledge that and move on. The worst thing you can do is live in delusion and convince yourself that you are going to change or improve them. You can't, and you won't.

Everyone - even you - have flaws and weaknesses. No one is perfect. You need to give everyone a bit of grace. That doesn't mean you should accept serious moral issues or serious bad behavior, obviously, but you need to expect some minor annoyances or weaknesses in any partner.

RandomUser1000 · Accepted Answer

I think it's possible to improve if you are open to it and that can be a good thing.

But if you change to the point that you no longer recognise who you are then that's a bad thing.
Well maybe in some cases, like someone with a destructive, toxic, criminal lifestyle does a 180 and essentially become like a new person that can also be good.

But in most cases you don't want to do that drastic change.
But still being able to improve somethings and being able to compromise can be good.
Within reason.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

I disagree with the idea of dating someone to change them. Granted, there are a lot of savior complexes in the world but a majority of the time you can’t expect someone to change into your perfect partner willingly no matter how much you encourage it. It just sets you up to fail and blame yourself when it was never your fault.

But can relationships and dating change someone? Yes, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse, we all have traumas we carry with us from our bad relationships that can change our behaviors in future ones. We can also be closer to the ideal persona we wish we had with the right support from the right partner. And sometimes, nothing changes. None of these are bad options, it’s all very relative.

Simslover92 · Accepted Answer

I think you should be accepted for who you are but if who you are is toxic then you should make the steps to change. Go to therapy, work on the self and really dig deep on how you can change to be a better person especially when it comes to being in a relationship. You don't want to bring your baggage into that new relationship. You want to go into it as a better person than you were from past relationships so you do change somewhat if you do have things about you that needs changing. And honestly I think almost everyone needs to work on themselves before entering into a new relationship.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

As a relationship coach on a mission to spread love and understanding, I've seen that people can definitely change, but it’s like trying to resist a triple chocolate cake – it's a challenge! Change is possible only if it’s self-motivated and not just to please someone. Accepting someone as they are is vital because nobody wants to date a project, right? 😉 Love conquers all, but sometimes, staying true to yourself is the greatest victory. Keep loving and learning! 🥰

Finchie40 · Answer

Accept as they are , you can’t force anyone to change period , and shouldn’t expect someone to change just to appease you. . So find someone that chooses you the same way you choose them

AviatorTom · Answer

People change all the time, whether they are in a relationship or not. Want proof? Just check out a woman's hair over a few months. 🙈🙉🙊

nawtee_me · Answer

I believe that people can change if they want to. I don’t think someone can make someone else change if they don’t want to change. I think being in a relationship can help one to change if they choose to easier than not being in a relationship.

Screenwriter · Answer

Most likely it's rational to take someone where they are. If someone says they're going to change for you, it's likely to placate you and keep you around and is likely temporary.

I'll stop drinking, smoking, abusing you... etc... drug using...

Not going to happen unless it's something they want to do FOR THEMSELVES. That's where the only real change come from: internally.

serious · Answer

No, they should be accepted as they are. Yes that being said changes can happen but major changes will only occur in a person if they realize things and are flexible, open minded and motivated towards change other major changes are not very common irrespective of the relationship status.

glennos89 · Answer

I do believe that every relationship needs some changes. Not to much but if my partner feels uncomfortable or insecure about something that I'm used to doing because it's who I am then I still would consider changing myself for her to make her feel better.

You give some you take some and eventually you have to find middle ground together

IslaTheWitch · Answer

in general we should be accepted as we are... unless we speak about insecurities, disorders or traumas... those should be taken care of... as they can break any relationship...

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

People can't change. They might seem slightly different overtime as they discover new things and form opinions about them, but the core of their personality will remain the same, as thats built into their DNA.

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

I believe we can all change for better, a real relationship does require change because we are supposed to create life together and become one. Living single for many years or in bad relationships causes us to carry a certain perspective

Spencer10 · Answer

There is always change and compromise in a relationship. But what cannot generally change is a persons core values.

Nikki1989 · Answer

You shouldn't have to change for anybody, but you should always be open to the idea. Life is all about changes. Life would be pretty boring if nothing ever changed.

exitseven · Answer

People shoud not change to be in a relationship. Maybe they should just be the best version of themselves but changing into somebody else is a fake and will not work for long.

slatyb · Answer

Never enter a relationship planning to change someone. If you can't accept them as they are, don't date them.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

People will change, no matter what, because a relationship, at least one that matters, changes you, me, everyone. Those changes might go in any direction though, good, bad, depending on too many factors and depending on who is looking at such changes

NoDecision · Answer

A lot of people don't want them to change because these things are what attracted them to the other to begin with. Nothing worse than a person who changes for the worst after you get together with them, probably because they think you won't take them as they are.

NicholasRedone · Answer

@liaraven accepted - they rarely change. Rarely. 😆👄 And old habits die hard

Jay-_- · Answer

A long lasting relationship takes sacrifice, and if people say otherwise they probably aren't meant for one.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I want to open by saying I don't think anyone should ever expect or even hope to be accepted by another person for exactly who they are without changing anything at all. There isn't a single person on Earth who was perfect the way they are naturally, right from the get-go.

So, I guess my answer to your questions is that I think people absolutely can and should change (within reason) for relationships.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Both... I believe that the individual starts to love the other for who they are, but at the same time, you do have to acclimate to a relationship with the other person.. It's not just you, you have to think about but them as well.. In fact, even if we live in a culture of selflessness and caution, you should put them before yourself.. But that's closer to marriage than anything..

lilBigPotato · Answer

Relationships always come with some compromise but if you need to change who you are you make it with then it won't last for too long

Miristheiss · Answer

Well, if you need to change them then why are you in the relationship? What needs to change?

Anonymous · Answer

Some say, you don't actually change. Not actions changing, but your reactions.

I believe that applies in general, it is so rare but exist people where they actually change from core.

In general, yes we certainly change.. but that change varies. And mainly it is related to your will and awareness.
👇🏼
We 'can'.

DJB72 · Answer

Both. You should be accepted as you are, then as you spend time together you change naturally.

Agape93 · Answer

To an extent, like some behaviors. But the core person doesn't change that easily.

SmokesTheScrapper · Answer

People naturally change over time but they never should change to fit in a relationship.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

They must be accepted for who they are but at the same time they can change to the better for their love!

Emmytexrex · Answer

They should be accepted as they are if not it won't work

thegreenyogi · Answer

Accepted as they are.

Anonymous · Answer

I believe some people can actually change for a relationship. I know I would.

bddddd · Answer

If you are not interested in changing, you are not in a relationship.

Iron_Man · Answer

they can change and have compromise, but don’t change your moral values

nicfire171 · Answer

Why get into a relationship with someone you’d want to change?

Luckycharms12 · Answer

accepting who they are. trying change someone doesn't work

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

They should be excepted as they are

Sam1133 · Answer

Accepted as they are maam...

Credentialmayhem · Answer

You cannot change as a person you are who you are

dudeinohio · Answer

They should be accepted as they are

Cormac995 · Answer

there's some of both.

WhitneySnow · Answer

They can change but often they don’t

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Both.

eagle1951 · Answer

always as they are

jimmy2 · Answer

Yes they can

Pterodon · Answer

Accepted as is

Do you believe people can change for a relationship, or should they be accepted as they are?

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