Wifes drunken behaviour?

[Kusz76]

I’ve been with my wife for 10 years, married for 3 years and we have 2 daughters. Just before we got married when she drank she was great fun up till 3 drinks then after that she’d fall asleep for an hour, no matter where we were. Then she’d wake up and be a totally different person, she’d start drinking again and have no control over her actions or behaviour whatsoever. Here’s a few examples, she’s a married 40 year old mum of 2, good job, nice house etc. in the last 3 years I’ve seen her been so drunk she’s tried to grope my friends and kiss them when I’m in the same room, she’s tried to do the same with random men at pubs when she’s out with me, she’s stood naked in front of my friend and his new girlfriend once then tried to grope him in front of everyone, I’ve seen her do this stuff 8 times with my own eyes, 2 years ago she tried twice to kiss her friends man in our kitchen when she thought I wasn’t there, but I was outside and seen her. If this is what she’s like when I’m there what’s she like when she’s out with her friends all night? One friend of hers I know will actively encourage her to do what she wants on a night out with any man she meets and wouldn’t do the right thing and stop her and take her home to protect her marriage and family. I left my wife 8 months ago and told her it’s either she continues getting drunk and acting this way or she can have her marriage and family. So far after 8 months she’s done nothing about it. Tonight I’ve got our kids and she’s out with her friend pissed, putting herself in the position where she’ll probably cross the line again. So am I right to expect my wife to give up drinking if she acts like this when she’s drunk? 8 times I’ve seen her with my own eyes trying it on with other men, 8 times too much in my opinion. I’m all for my marriage and family but I can’t put up with this anymore and she isn’t making effort to make sure it won’t happen again so I feel justified in leaving her

Updates

+1 y

Also she’s no sex drive whatsoever and never comes near me, but with other men when she’s drunk she’s all over them, when we get home at night she goes straight to bed and tells me she’s going to sleep and that’s that. Why is she so not interested in her husband but is with other random men? I’m a mug aren’t I?

Updates

+1 y

Update, she’s adamant she won’t stop drinking with her friends and getting drunk, I’m seeing a divorce lawyer next week. Her loss. Thanks to everyone that replied and gave advice, it was much appreciated and helpful.

[WindAtMyBack]

When some people get drunk they are still the same person, only drunk. With other people they can be like Jekyll and Hyde. They turn into a completely different person.

The alcohol has her. The alcohol controls her, not the other way around. This isn't something she can simply choose to flip a switch and change. This is not your wife you are dealing with, it's the alcohol you are dealing with.

This is something she can change only with great effort. Even then not everyone will be successful at quitting.

I don't want to say if you should or shouldn't leave her. You have to decide that for yourself. Just know that if you are waiting for her to change, you could be waiting a very long time, and it may never happen at all. So whatever decision you make, it shouldn't be based on her changing.

It also wouldn't be a bad idea to take a hard look to see what role you may be playing in this. When she has such an obvious problem. it's easy to focus on that, and only that.

[LaneHale42]

That marriage has run it's course, she's living the slut life now.

Sorry man, but many, many guys go through this crap. You're right to get the fuck away from her. The only thing you can do is avoid her as much as possible except to pick up your kids. Spend all your time getting in shape, improving yourself, and moving on. I know it's hard, but you need to be better, and find somebody better. Your ex-wife is just a memory now. Let her go, she's just holding you back from finding a better life.

[Kusz76]

Thanks, your spot on, I provide everything for our family and she just takes it all for granted and has no respect for me. She doesn’t deserve me 100%. I’ll take your advice and move on, I feel for our young kids though but I’ll still be an amazing Dad to them no matter what. Thanks again

[LaneHale42]

There's no right answer for those kids.
I've been co-parenting for years now. The best I can do is stay in contact with my son and always make sure he's ok, and has everything he needs. You have a tough road ahead, but your marriage is fucked at this point and it's time to start building some kind of new life.
Good luck man.

[dustybiker]

You overlook the major point here. Alcoholism is a disease. She herself has to want to get help. She won’t until something shocks through the haze.

I’m sorry you are in the middle. It has to be awful.

[Kusz76]

Her mum and sister are both alcoholics, as I say, my wife only drinks maybe once a month but when she does she loses all self control and refuses to do anything about it which is costing her her marriage and family. Her attitude is if I don’t like it then I know where the door is. So hurtful

[dustybiker]

That sounds pretty normal. Something big has to happen for them to see reality.

[Anonymous]

If she doesn't quit, it might be time to move on.

[Kusz76]

She said she enjoys drinking, she only drinks once a month or so. And that she won’t stop. Why she’d out drinking before her marriage and family is beyond me, it’s our kids I feel for the most

[Chazmatazz269]

I’d leave her. But if you insist on staying, get her into a program. Your marriage likely won’t survive her drinking.

[Kusz76]

She’s in denial her drunken behaviour is an issue, she believes I’m being controlling by asking her to choose alcohol or her husband and kids. Unless she accepts responsibility for her own actions she’ll never agree to therapy.

[Chazmatazz269]

I understand, better than most. I recommend you leave her, but still yourself to losing your kids. Most states still favor a mother with severe issues over the world’s best father.

[Anonymous]

You need to put her across your knee and spank her ass as hard as you can

[Kusz76]

I don’t want to be near her now, she’s no time for her husband but happy to cross the line with other men, I’m worth more than that

[Opinion Owner]

If she cheats she Belongs to the streets. Let the streets have her.

[Jackblue]

Well nobody wants her to end up raped and murdered in an alleyway.

[Jackblue]

I suggest an intervention, try and get her parents and siblings on board.

[Jackblue]

Oh sorry, I missed that part about her mother and sister, is there nobody though you can count on from among her family and friends?

[Kusz76]

Her sister and sister in law don’t speak to her anymore, she’s only got her 2 best friends who will always side with her based on the lies she’s told them about me, and her Mum, who will always side with her daughter as she’s only been told one side of the story from her daughter and I’ve been made out to be the bad one.

[Jackblue]

Well maybe talk to an intervention person all the same, perhaps they know what to do.

[Guy13]

Wow. Counseling for her and both ifvyiu?

[Kusz76]

I’m going to suggest that to her

[Guy13]

Let me know how she reacts. There are counseling agencies that serve DUI people after Court judgment. Maybe one of those?

[Kusz76]

We’re from Scotland so we have councelling available privately that doesn’t cost much, she’s never been convicted of drunk driving so we can’t get it free. I’m happy to pay for it though but I don’t think her hearts in it to want to make it work. The marriage councillor I’m going to suggest is a woman that can see through any bullshit and won’t let anyone get away with what they have done, she’ll make the guilty party squirm if they try and bullshit her. Money well spent I reckon if the wife agrees to it, I’ll keep you posted

[Guy13]

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