My wife flirting while drunk?

[Anonymous]

Tonight wondering if anyone had any advice on my situation. Tonight i invited my best friend over for some drinks with my wife and i , things started out fine with the usual banter of laughing and joking with each other , but as the night progressed and drink started to kick in i felt more and more like an outsider in the conversations and the banter between my wife and my best friend started getting more sexual innuendo orientated , this bothered me and when i tried to get in on the conversation my wife put me down sexually and although she put it across as a joke this hurt me , i have noticed many times before that my wife and my best friend seem to get on very well but tonight i felt very uncomfortable with things that were said , anyway to cut a long story short when my friend left i decided to talk to my wife about tonight's events , I told her that i felt like crap with all the flirting going on and asked her if she found him attractive. Perhaps i should never have said anything as this went down like a lead balloon and we ended up having a massive row and i'm now sleeping on the settee tonight. Was I wrong to say anything to her? Do you think that perhaps i came across as accusational? Any help would be grately appreciated...

[Sampo]

I think you have a right to voice your opinion. If it hurt your feelings and you felt the way both of them were acting was inappropriate in regards to your marriage, you were right to voice your opinion at that time. Now, the way you said it might have made the difference between having a meaningful conversation that left you feeling better, and ending up in the doghouse. If my boyfriend brought up the concern or jealousy to me I would feel terrible, and also flattered that he was jealous. But of course I would apologize and make sure he knows his feelings are validated, and I wouldn't do it again. If he accused me of wanting to cheat and or liking his friend, and wouldn't drop it, I probably would be upset. But I wouldn't kick him out of the bed. Don't feel terrible. These things come up in relationships. Just try to talk to her in the morning, and tell her calmly how you felt and why you were concerned. Not that you necessarily were concerned something would happen (unless you were) but that she means so much to you, it would bother you so much to even think of it, so that kind of flirting shouldn't happen again. Best of luck

[CMC93]

If there were no drinks would the same thing happen? Alcohol is notorious for bringing out false confidence and inappropriateness. Was this intentional flirting or good hospitality? is the question. Maybe a part of your wife is happy that she gets along with your best friend, therefor you guys can do more things together or that she can trust that you will behave when out with this best friend because he approves of her. Although I wouldn't point the finger at your friend it's common courtesy to respond when someone is talking to you, plus that's your wife, he can't be rude! Although I hear you on the feeling left out, she may have gotten carried away. Putting you down sexually was not okay in my opinion, joke or not that can still cause insecurities. I think the right thing to do was to bring it up because it would probably just keep happening everytime you guys hang out together and you would get more suspicious/overthink and feel like shit. The key point is communication and how you say these things to her. She may think it's nothing but to you it did and your feelings are valid just as much as hers.

[Anonymous]

she may or may not like him but its obvious that she enjoys being in charge and making you seem "small" infront of your friends.

The fact she got so grumpy when you bought it up means that she was either guilty as hell and got really defensive or that she was genuinely offended that you could think of such a thing.
I know when I'm drunk I get really wet and horny which makes me really touchy feely with my man. Maybe she felt the same but instead of projecting that sexual energy onto you she was projecting it onto your friend.

Just let things settle down and see what happens.
Were you still having regular sex or intimate relations before this?
has she been holding back in intimacy lately? Even little clues like how much she hugs/kisses etc can give you a hint as to what is going on in her head.

[Asker]

The sex hasn't changed at all

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

I don't think she fancies him given her reaction and the massive row that followed. However, I do think she enjoys seeing you put in a corner. She also knew you were unlikely to cause a scene or call either of them out at the time which you should have done. She doesn't approve, appreciate or admire you and therefore she felt safe to flirt with another man. BANG OUT OF ORDER. Totally wrong of her and very immature. If she has issues with you, then she needs to bring them to the table and open discussion. I think she is the type of woman who would do revengey-type stuff because she's hurt and by some means of mind-reading you should know what drove her to do it. There are other issues going on here other than her flirting with your best friend. He's out of order too, and I would put a bomb up his ass as well.

[Asker]

I wonder how they would have reacted if I would have called them both out on it right there?

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

With denial most likely. "Its just banter and nothing more" type of line. I would tell your friend about the argument and see how he reacts. He needs to know not to do that ever again. Your wife needs to fully understand her boundaries with other men at all times as their status is irrelevant - best friend, butcher, random man at random bar = I am married, we can converse about casual crap and that's it. However, in truth, I do feel she should know this by now. I feel its something else that she wants to get your attention.

[Sinister]

The fact that she put you down sexually would of been the point where you should called it a night and told the friend it's time for him to go home and you have a word with your wife about her behavior. She was drinking fine, but put downs in front of friends of the sexual nature could be that she doesn't find you all that appealing. The level of sexual jokes especially if it made you uncomfortable was where you should of said something to make them stop. Plus, 18-24 and already married... that's too early in my book.

[Asker]

Yeah you're right but I just wonder how they would have reacted.

[DiogenesofSinope]

You're whipped if you slept on the sofa. If you have a problem, be a man and confront that shit. You were in the right, but let the severity of the issue go when you agreed to do that sleep rearrangement.

Keep an eye on her and your friend. He may be a wolf in sheep skin. They may have done something behind your back or may plan on doing it in the future. Don't let your guard down. Keep your balls and don't be afraid to walk away from a shit deal.

[Asker]

I wonder how they would have reacted if I would have called them out on it?

[Anonymous]

You were not wrong - you should get a lawyer.
Your wife does not respect you. She holds you in contempt. Your so called friend assists in this.

You're obviously so meek, that the way she stops you from growing a back bone, is to punish you when you try.

Get a lawyer. Start divorce proceedings.

[Imcmullan]

Yep.. agreed

[Asker]

@Imcmullan What should I say to my friend and how do you think they would have reacted?

[Dingsbums]

It's possible that you were accusation all and stuff but I can't say anything about that unless I could read or watch the whole conversation. It seems like she doesn't respect you anymore and I guess she isn't satisfied sexually. Try to find a solution or she might cheat on u (might already happen)
It's possible that she is hiding something and it's never a good sign if u can't talk about a certain thing without getting angry or something

[meatballs21]

You were not wrong to tell her it made you uncomfortable. I would not take being relegated to the settee in my own fucking home, either. I get to use the bed too, or I am going to a hotel.

[Imcmullan]

No.. you were not in the wrong. She was and her getting defensive was a sign of
Guilt. She is not only

[Imcmullan]

* guily but wrong... n can't be trusted

[jcoldstream]

You should have gone to bed early or been called away to an urgent meeting at your place of work. Your wife obviously wants to fuck your friend. Let her do it and make her tell you all about it afterwards.

[zombiebabe]

you were right to talk to her.. i'd be worried too if i was you

[dediusryan]

I’m gonna be harsh but I think you need someone to be harsh with you. You need to “man up” as they say. You were soft. Never let anyone disrespect you like that, ecspecially not someone who represents you like your significant other. You need to put your rules down to her and your friend and make it clear they’re final. Or walk. Fuck em both. You don’t need any dramatic passive aggressive -soon to be back stabbing people in your life. Let them know that’s over with right now, or they’re out.

[Anonymous]

She might not fancy him but it seems as if she enjoys putting you down in front of your best friend and making you jealous.

[Asker]

Divorce may be the BEST option?

[Asker]

I'm thinking about returning the favor, to see how SHE likes it.

[Anonymous]

I would have told that bitch to get her things and leave with him, you dont need that shit in your life. Always let her know when she gets out of line.

[Ameliabegumx]

your wife is a lowkey hoe watch out