A good friend of mine's actions ruined my relationship with this other co-worker/friend/potential love interest of mine. What should I do now?

[BullShark]

A couple weeks ago, I got a new job at an office through my good friend of 4 years'reference. They needed a good content writer, and I was the only person he trusted enough to do the job.

Around a week ago, our boss told us we needed a new social media exec, and if we knew someone, we should call them in for an interview. I knew this girl in college who asked me once if I find a new job opportunity for her, I should let her know. So I hit her up and the next day, she came, nailed the interview and was accepted.

Now the guy friend of mine already knew I liked this girl. The next day, which was a Wednesday, she came to work and our boss tasked her to sit with either one of us (either me or my friend) so that we can help her in creating a new Facebook page from scratch for one of our clients. I gave my friend a knowing look and he gave up his seat for her so that she could sit next to me and we can get started.

A few hours in and we were done. She was quite winded understandably, because this is her first day in a professional job environment and meeting deadlines. I gave her props on a job well done. Later when we were all sitting for lunch, and the girl brought up the topic of how she wasn't prepared how stressful office work can be, to which my friend (the guy) boasted that if she had sat with him instead, he would've finished it for her within minutes.

She asked him why didn't he, to which he responded to by saying "I would've, but my friend here (me) said he wanted to sit with you instead," to which, she made a weirded out "wtf" face and gave me a glance. I cut him off and called out for the waiter to come over and take our orders, but the damage was done. I shot my friend a glare. Later on, her behavior towards me changed and she not only changed her seats, but also, stopped talking to me altogether. Why did she do that, what did I do wrong, and what should I do now? Any suggestions, ladies?

Updates

4 mo

More than a year has passed since this, and I stopped talking to that girl and continued to mind my own business for the most part, talking only when necessary. She started gravitating towards my friend, who unlike me, wasn't as patient and understanding as I was with her, and he'd sometimes just yell at her to stop bothering him with stupid tasks. Almost month later, she left and I haven't heard from her since

[victoriaxoxo]

Damn that's annoying. I can't tell whether your friend intentionally cocked you or whether he was just messing around. However, it seems like girl wasn't really interested in you to start with but now that he layed the facts out like that, she seems put off. I get her pov because now it feels since she's aware that you liked her, it might feel like she only got hired because you were trying to hook up with her. Yh the way that situation went down would've sent a chill down her spine/made her feel disgusted because your friend made it sound like she's being groomed.

As to why your friend did that, I don't know. I would mention to him that she no longer talks to me and see what he says. If he ever makes a move on her then know he cocked you intentionally to get with her and this person isn't really your friend. I know he got you a job but that doesn't mean he can run rampant and hit on your crush. But first maybe speak to him and see what he says and how he acts.

[BullShark]

@victoriaxoxo no, he didn't do it intentionally. I know the guy, and him and I have been good friends for almost 4 years now. He wasn't trying to cock me by any means, in fact, all he was hoping to do was tease her lightly about it. Like I mean, all he did was say that I wanted to sit with her. He didn't day anything outlandish like telling her outright that I love her or something, but the way she's acting is really weird. As if I did something to her or said something offensive like that.

He's noticed this as well. He pointed it out to me today as well that she's clearly been avoiding you because she always asks me content related stuff and I keep telling her hat that's your department and not mine. I catch her looking at me sometimes but when I look back, she looks away and busies herself. Almost as if she's trying to tell me, but she won't.

Now that you mentioned it, if she really DOES think the reason I got her hired was so that I could hook up with her, this worries me. I don't want her to think like I'm THAT sort of guy because I'm anything but that. My true intentions in getting her hired are only because I'm doing her a favor as a friend. Liking her has nothing to do with it and if she thinks that, I don't know how to respond to that.

And no, he doesn't have feelings for her, nor does she for him lol. I really don't know how to handle this. I'd talk to her but she avoids me every chance she gets so there's that too

[victoriaxoxo]

I can't help but think this is how she might perceived it because there is a bit of a power dynamic going on there from you guys having worked there longer. Also if during lunch you sat like close to her on each side etc. then she would've literally felt somewhat ganged up on and it would've been awkward for her.

Like if I got hired by a friend but then this friend and his friend circled around me and made remarks about how one of them likes me, I would feel like I'm being pimped out or expected to 'repay' one of the guys for getting me the job.

[BullShark]

@victoriaxoxo yeah, I get what you mean. But she knows me as a person and also the fact that I'm not the sort of person to pull shit like that. As for how we sat for lunch that day, I was at the end of the booth, my friend sat next to me, then opposite him sat another of our friends (another girl) and then her, which would make her sitting opposite me. There isn't no real power dynamic either. We're all basically working under this one dude who's the head of our entire department.

It's gotten so weird now, to the point that even our boss i. e the guy who runs is all tasked me and her once more yesterday to finish up setting the page as it's basically "our baby" because we made it. He told her to make me an admin of the page so that I could make any changes on the fly if necessary, but she hasn't done it yet, and he expects me to be done with it by now. I've messaged her personally about it as well, but she hasn't responded. I don't wanna throw her under the bus when he asks us why I haven't been made an admin yet, but this is getting really ridiculous!

I was told once a few years ago by my ex when we were still dating, that I have this "dark aura" or some kind which sometimes comes off as intense to the opposite gender. Not really creepy per se, but unnerving and maybe cold even would be a good description for it. I don't really believed in all this aura bs, but every time I try getting close to or open up to any girl/female friend, this happens and they end up running further away. What's weird is that this ONLY happens when I'm interacting with the opposite gender because I'm still tight with all my guy friends. And this has become a pattern. What do you think it could mean (if anything)?

[victoriaxoxo]

I would just maybe speak to her directly without being creepy and like making sure you don't corner her. Or get your friend to speak to her/whoever interacts with her the most at work (would be quite good if that person is a girl).

Regarding the dark aura. Yh I mean some people just come across as creepy. Sometimes it's how you look (often the look in your eyes, the way you dress, how you groom your hair) coupled with how you speak. I've been told that I come across as bitchy/hard to please but once people speak to me they're usually surprised at how easy going I am. I personally think it's because of my naturally downward turned lips and black blocky eyebrows lol. Unfortunately I can't change too much of that. So yh with you it could be something like that, the way you look probably and then how you speak when you are meeting someone new.

[BullShark]

@victoriaxoxo well, I'll try getting this other female friend of mine to talk to her on my behalf. She's known me for four years as well just like my guy friend so she'll know me just as well too. That being said, I'll probably have to also tell her that I like her otherwise she might question why I care so much about what she thinks of me (because irl, I'm usually a pretty straightforward and detached guy myself. I don't usually care what anyone thinks of me and if anyone has anything to say to me I challenge them to say it to my face. Yeeeahh..)

Anywho as for my looks, well, I usually come off as the dark and mysterious guy. I don't talk much unless it's someone I'm really close to, and sometimes people mistake my neutral face to me being pissed off at them or straight up glaring rudely. I rarely smile or talk as well, and that's usually because ever since puberty, my voice became pretty deep, so much so that some say I sound like an old guy or even say something like I'm deliberately talking deep to come off as tough (when I'm really not lmao).

That could be the case but once again, we've talked before in the past, face to face even, and she never had any problems with the way I usually come off as, because with her, I always try my best to speak softer and smile occasionally to not come off as rude. Still do to this day, that is, if she talked to me lmao. Even as of right this very minute, our boss told us to work together on the same page we made, edit some stuff here and there and make it public. I told her yesterday to make me an admin of the page, but she still hasn't done so. This is getting stressful.

[Helpmepls12345]

She’s probably just shocked or flattered. If she had a rough past with boyfriends then she’s probably not ready. Or she is just surprised that your friend said that about you. I would suggest talking to her in private and explain what happened and your feelings in a smooth and slow way. And be understanding of her choice and opinion she puts in. Good luck 🤞🏻

[BullShark]

I've tried to, but she doesn't even bother looking at me now. It's been two days. She rarely even looks my way and when she does and I catch her looking at me, she quickly looks away.

Even when she needs to ask me something, she asks my friend. He even tells her that anything content related is my department, she ignores him and continues asking him, and he has no other choice but to ask me on her behalf. Even he has no clue what's up with her.

Like fr, it isn't even THAT bad, what he said. All he said was that I wanted to sit with her, and he himself apologized about it to me as well, that his tongue slipped and he meant to put it off as a joke but she took it in the literal sense. She's literally behaving like I did something to her or said something really offensive from the way she's behaving all uncomfortable and weird.

P. S sorry for the reply showing up late. I had no connection lol

[Helpmepls12345]

Honestly some girls make no sense at all. If you tried to talk to her or even get her attention and she doesn’t make effort to do the same then I would move on. Or she’s probably just really confused on how your friend put it how you wanted to sit with her

[Sobi1111]

Or lagwao jobs logo ki matlb pura hojane k baad log ghass Nahi dalte phir apko👍

[BullShark]

@Sobi1111 you know Urdu? And yes you're right, aur ab poora saal hogaya hai ab iss baat ko and a lot has happened since then. I'll add an update to the question for anyone still wondering

[Sobi1111]

Yes as I'm from Pakistan.

[Sobi1111]

Lmao after reading the update ye to moye Moye hogya us ke sath 😂

[BullShark]

@Sobi1111 ohh nice! Me too! We should follow each other up and talk more, if you want lol

And yess. Unke saath moye moye hogaya and there's more, but space khatam hogayi thi 😂

[Sobi1111]

Yea sure, but I don't know how this app works as I'm a newbie here acc bnaya tha Larkio se scarf k fabric ki deets phnchne k lie ulta nibba nibbe logo ki dukh bhari posts prhne beth gyi

[Sobi1111]

It's good when trash take themselves out.

[BullShark]

Yeah, it takes a bit getting used to. I'll give you a rundown on all the basics lol

[BullShark]

@Sobi1111 you'll need to follow me back too then only we can message