Why am I mean to men who express interest in me?

[Anonymous]

This guy has a attraction towards me and he is so nice and masculine.. almost perfect.. I do like him but I feel the need to mentally pick him apart or make him feel less than… I don’t mean to it’s just I feel scared. I don’t understand why

[Finchie40]

Do you struggle with anxiety? Depression? Only reason I ask is because I dated a few girls that were mean to me the second I showed interest in them like a flip of a switch they changed on me and became vicious when they found out I liked them and wanted more with them , so the second they became mean to me I would walk away from them and move on and they would come chasing me back not wanting to lose me? I always questioned why some girls are this way? So I did some research on it to find out that most girl’s that do this are drawn to the hard to get types, they like the game of chase , when they are suffering from anxiety and depression. For a guy to get into a relationship with a girl like this is a hard relationship to get into , Because he has to balance between positive and negative and hopefully not take her negativity very serious or the wrong way. I ended up cheating on a girl that treated me this way because it was borderline abuse of not really knowing how she really felt about me , I always had a question mark over my head on whether she loved me or not, because she would be sweet and loving to me and made me feel amazing but like a flip of a switch she would turn vicious on me and start treating me like complete shit and pushing buttons that she knew would hurt my feelings, like she became this total different person , so I ended up meeting another girl that complimented me and made me feel valued and wanted and didn’t say harsh things to me so I was drawn to her and ended up having sex with her , I immediately ended the relationship with the Dr Jekyll mr Hyde girl and stayed with the new girl. As time went on and internet was becoming a big thing I came across an article on relationships with someone who suffers anxiety and depression and I felt like such an asshole for cheating on that girl because if I knew then on her condition I would of probably stayed with her but I know it wasn’t the type of relationship I wanted to be in , Being a constant punching bag to someone is not a healthy relationship. So my advice to you is to seek help before ruining that guys life lol

[Asker]

yes. This is so me.. I struggle with both severe anxiety and depression. I also struggle with low self esteem that I feel greatly stems from my childhood and the relationship I had with my mother. I never felt like she liked me and I never felt good enough. What makes it worse is that I wanted to be like my mom. Part of me felt like she was right. The world treated me how she viewed me.

I am most definitely like your ex lol. The last guy who was interested in me was perfect. Everything I wanted in a man. I just couldn’t bring myself to show interest back. I picked him apart in my head. I thought he was “weak “ for being nice and interested.. I made him feel like I didn’t like him by my subtle behaviors. I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings.. I actually saw that he was in the talking stage with a beautiful model.. she really liked him.. I felt he liked her too but was hesitant I don't know personally. I wanted him to want her bc that’s who he deserves. I stopped coming around and now they are in a relationship and their relationship is flourishing beautifully. She’s met the parents ect… I was sad about it but he deserved that.

[Asker]

A lot of men I was rude to resented me… some so angry they called me a bitch and went on about how I don’t respect them. I didn’t. I got pleasure and control from it.

There’s one guy who sticks out to me and every time I think of him my heart hurts. I felt that he didn’t take my meanness to heart and deep down I think he had real empathy. He was a probationary firefighter. I went off on him a lot and he said that he didn’t understand my random outburst.. I would say cruel things to him … I even told him that I hope something happened to him on the job.. but his response was always so different. He said “ I won’t hold that against you” “you don’t know my life “ i also told him to choke on broken glass.

A lot of times…. Instead of calling me a bitch or going off on me back… he hit me with the truth about myself… did I curse him out for that? Yes. Did he care? No. Because he knew that I needed to hear it. The truth hurt more than being called a bitch. I would rather be called a bitch 20 times then to hear what he said.

I was angry bc he didn’t want a relationship at the time and I was upset about other things.. he friendzoned me. But he did say that he cares for me and wanted the best for me even if I didn’t see it. That was better than hearing I love you. I wanted to sleep with him bc he just makes me feel safe.. but he didn’t want to sleep with me. He said it would only make my feelings worse.. he was right. I love him the most

To sum this all up…. I’m mentally unstable 😎

[Finchie40]

Are you sure you aren’t my ex? Lol for some reason I end up with girl’s like you , I think God put me on this planet to help girl’s like you because I usually end up with girl’s like you lol , even though I cheated on the first one , which was a shock to myself because I swore to myself that I would never cheat on someone , I know their isn’t really an excuse for cheating but being with her I felt like I didn’t really have a choice , she was mean and abusive and constantly fucked with my head and heart picking out every flaw in me and pushing my buttons to the point I was ready to walk away and then started treating me like Gold again like I was the best thing that ever happened to her, so I would
Take her back with open arms but I could
Never fully trust her because I had a constant question mark over my head on how long is this going to last until she flips on me again , it got to a point I had to get away because it was psychotic , not knowing if she truly loved me or not, until I finally read that article on anxiety and depression and I honestly felt like if I read that article when I was still with her I probably could of understood her more. But things happen for a reason I guess , a few years after her I met another girl that I fell head over heels for but I sensed she was dealing with the same shit my ex went through but not as bad lol so I ended up marrying this girl and having kids with her to realize she was exactly like my ex with the Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde syndrome but I handled it best I could since I had knowledge on it from all the research I did lol I taught myself to not take it to personally and that her outbursts is something she really can’t control , I made her seek help and get anti depressants which would help her for a while and make her stay sweet and loving but eventually the anti depressant would stop working and she become a demon again lol I laugh at this because I tolerated this shit , Yes I felt weak and asked myself why am I

[Finchie40]

Putting up with this behavior? I guess I have a big heart because I know a lot of guys that wouldn’t tolerate her shit. I feel like that’s why she loved me because I knew how to handle her and not take it to heart even though it was very hard at times. she went through pretty much the same life you went through with her Mom , even though I loved my mother in law she had mental issues as well, and took a toll on my wife , anytime I would tell my wife something true about her Mom she would flip on me like my wife needed acceptance from her Mom when all her Mom did was put her down and criticized her , I started keeping my mouth shut because I knew I couldn’t change her way of thinking but I honestly saw right through it that her Mom needed help as well. When my mother in law passed away my wife did a big 360 on me , her grieving was the worst grieving was the worst grieving I ever experienced with someone losing a loved one , My wife treated me like total shit and I could see it on her eyes that her mental illness was shining through , I couldn’t hug her kiss her and express my feelings to her , she turned into someone I didn’t know to the point I thought she was cheating on me from the way she was treating me and her actions , her distance and lack of affection , Even though I was Devastated I held on mainly for my kids sake , she ended up meeting a group of toxic girlfriends that were divorced that were trying to pull my wife away from me when my wife and I were always inseparable, She started going to bars with them and excluding me every which way she could making me
Feel like she was cheating on me , If I tried expressing my feelings of concern she would attack me verbally like I was this big pile of shit , So instead of reasoning with her cuz I knew this isn’t the girl I married I started
Focusing on myself and started doing my own thing with my friends , when she noticed I wasn’t trying to fix things that’s when she come chasing me back and avoiding her

[Finchie40]

Toxic girlfriends , I didn’t trust it what so ever so I made her chase me because at that point I was done , my heart was destroyed , cuz I knew I would never
Treat someone I loved that way especially when a loved one dies , Her grieving was absolutely insane and mentally ill , So it was hard for me to trust her , The second I started trusting her again my gut instinct told me something was off , And my gut was right , I ended up busting my wife meeting a co worker at a hotel , that was my final straw to never tolerate that type of behavior again , so I filed divorce , So if you are suffering anxiety and depression go seek help immediately, , It sounds like Your Mom took a toll on you as well and impacted your life , don’t allow it to take a toll on your relationships , your Mom has issues as well and needs help , sorry to say but truth hurts , One
Thing about relationships if you want love to grow between you and your partner and I say this all the time cuz it’s so true , You need to make your partner your number 1 priority over your parents over your kids and over your friends , when you learn how to do that love will grow , you should never choose those people over Your partner , because those people Won’t be by your side like
Your partner will be. Choosing
Your parents and kids and friends over
Your partner makes you a selfish person

[Asker]

I’m sorry you had to deal with all that. No one deserves to be treated like that. It really is us being at war with ourselves and our mental health, but that’s no excuse.

Thank you 🤍

[Finchie40]

What those relationships have taught me and I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing but I have a harder time
Trusting now , having my heart shit on too many times to the point I don’t know if Love really exists anymore because I am at a point in my life that I don’t tolerate selfish behavior anymore , for
Me to commit to someone they have to climb a lot of Walls that I have protecting my heart and I know that isn’t fair for someone that wants to give me love and wants to make me feel wanted , I have experienced so much backstabbing and manipulative and toxic behavior to the point I will only be with a girl that knows how To remove selfishness , that makes me her priority over everyone cuz I will so do the same for her. But you can’t ask for that sort of thing it just needs to happen , so finding that these days is so hard to find , social media I believe destroyed relationships as well, So I live my life as content as I can and focus on what I achieved and what I earned I became an open minded person to the point I analyze a lot shit and try to look at things from both sides whether I agree or disagree with something I always put myself in that person’s shoes before opening my mouth , I hate that about myself because I never did that before , another thing I don’t know of it’s
Good or bad , But being with girls that suffer mental illness I think has made
Me that way , who knows , All I know is I would love to experience true love before I leave this earth , But I have a hard time finding it

[Guy13]

The probable reason that you are mean is simply the far of being hurt. It is not complicated and the most normal thing ever. You are scared to Risk and there does not need to be a reason except that you choose not to participate. You are obviously, Self aware.

[Asker]

Yes, I agree. But how I respond is so negative. Like I hate them or feel like something is wrong with them for liking me

[Guy13]

Sounds like counselor or pastor or some professional can help you with some of your deep thoughts. You obviously are introspective and have depth of Person.

[Asker]

2 people have said I’m gay… I really am not emotionally attracted to women. I really don’t feel that way

[Guy13]

That’s poor advice. Try not to let the negativity in the world and to some degree Self rule over you.

[MoniqueTLC]

It's just a defense mechanism to protect yourself. Have you been hurt or dated someone before that caused you pain? Our minds like to assume things, so it's automatically going to predict that this guy is going to do harm to you, so, you self-sabotage.

[Asker]

Yeah , childhood and guys from my past lol

I really like being emotionally unavailable or I like ruining their perception of me

[iceprincess8]

You have rejection issues, insecurity or mental health issues like bpd. I'm speaking based on personal experience since i have the same tendencies.

[slatyb]

You are afraid to give them a chance for great that if they got to know you, they would reject you. Been there, done that. This may be due to a feeling that you are unlovable. Perhaps you had an abusive parent, or a parent who wasn't present or wasn't supportive. If you can, get some counseling. Most likely you are a perfectly lovely person.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

True fact: Some people have uncanny "defense mechanisms" to situations like that.

Theory: Unbeknownst or unaware, you might be a bully. (No offense intended.)

[dustybiker]

Self sabotage? Now you are aware you do it try to purposely not and see what happens? It might be a sign you truly like that person and fear you aren’t good enough so look for their flaws instead. Give the next a fighting chance.

[Anonymous]

You've got trust issues. You want to punish him for any slight you feel any past guy is done to you. You think you're getting revenge but you're just spreading your toxicity. Either get some therapy or just tell these guys you're a broken person and they would do well to just stay away from you.

[TripleAce]

Well you answered the question. You feel scared. So now we need to know why do you feel scared?

[jayhams]

You haven't processed past trauma so that is how it expresses itself

[Asker]

I don’t know what passed trauma

[jayhams]

Precisely

[Asker]

*past

I’m sorry

[disgustingweebtrash]

It's just what women do. It's called shit testing and its fucking annoying

[Asker]

Yeah I shit test lol we don’t want a weak man. I don’t care how nice you are.

[disgustingweebtrash]

We dont want an everybody's girl. We know when it's just our turn

[Heolurt]

Because you're female and females are some of the meanest life forms on this planet.

[pers0n]

No. As my idol and trannified inspiration prophesied, "truckers are disgusting antivaxxers and misogynistic racists" if I did my bible study correctly.
So, you're wrong. You're actually just in denial. Time to accept your pride.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ePtRLQ_K-Ak

[Asker]

@pers0n time to accept my pride? Lol sir I am not a lesbian. I love men!

[pers0n]

I'm joking with everything there.

[HateyouxD]

You're scared like you said

[Asker]

You are one obnoxious byotch

[HateyouxD]

" why am I mean to only men who express interest in me"😂

[Asker]

Do you want to suck my pussy or something? Goddamn

Go awayyyyyyyy

[HateyouxD]

That's a reach

[User3191989]

Because you think it's fake news

[WhitneySnow]

You’re scared of getting attached

[RainBat]

Because you're an arse, Mary.

[HugeDikEng]

You just need some 🐓

[Asker]

I’m not gone lie… I do 😭

But how does that correlate to me needing 🐓lol

[HugeDikEng]

Go get some 🐓 and come back to answer this response

[Asker]

Lol I’m a virgin believe it or not

[HugeDikEng]

And that make me saying you need some 🐓 invalid?

[Asker]

No lol

I doubt it will make me feel better

[Asker]

I don’t think 🐓is that special

[HugeDikEng]

You wouldn't know till you get 🐓

[Asker]

Lmao so funny

[HugeDikEng]

🐓 will change your mind