How to feel if your dad has a secret girlfriend, that he didn't tell you about?

[Anonymous]

So my dad was married to my mom for 16 years and last year she passed away do to cancer. She hasn't even been gone for a year yet, she will be in November and my dad has a girlfriend that he is keeping secret.I hear him talk to her and I read his messages, for a good reason. How should I feel about this? Help!

[Darkfairie17]

You really can't change how you feel. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. And I can totally understand why you would be upset about this. I would talk to your dad. But you have to realize too that people deal with grief differently. Maybe he worked through it faster than you did, and is feeling lonely and wants to date. Or he just needs someone to be there so he can talk about it. Maybe this new girlfriend offers that to him.

I think he knows it will hurt you and that is why he is keeping it a secret. How long do you think he should wait until he dates again? I'm just curious.

I don't think he is dating because he doesn't care about your mom. He probably does miss her a lot, no one can replace her. Perhaps he just wants to have someone in his life he can be with to help him cope. Maybe he talks about it with her and she helps him work through the emotions.

But definitely talk to him. He shouldn't be hiding this from you, he needs to be open and honest.

[Asker]

This is the best answer! Thank you so much! This really helped! :)

[AliceMcKay]

I understand where you are coming from. My dad passed away recently and it would be a big shock if my mom started dating already. I know that she hasn't, but if she had,I would know that it would be because she really liked the guy. You can only feel what you feel. I think the best thing for you to do is ask him, so you can get it all straightened out.

[Asker]

Thank you

[snowboarder720]

well, if you feel that the child should have control over the parents dating life after a hard loss. Then that child needs to stop acting immature and grow up. Just my oppinion...

[Asker]

How can you just expect them to grow up? My mom is gone! She was my best friend! You don't understand!

[AliceMcKay]

I understand that it would be a hard thing to go through. I would want my mom to be happy because I know she would antagonize over starting to date someone. Everyone is different though. It's a difficult thing to go through, never mind anyone keeping secrets.

[Dingletoe]

I'm so sorry to hear that but ask him if he does have a girlfriend and if he says no confront him. I can't believe I found My dad's condom box and I understand now why he wasn't home a lot I can't believe I chose my dad over my mum when I was a little kid my mom said that he was keeping secrets always I wish I can turn time back he is always talking to her and I'm just 13 and he is being a really bad dad because he isn't here to help me and is telling me off because I keep on getting F on geography

[snowboarder720]

he's moving on. That's great! why you reading his messages? that's really REALLY rude

[Asker]

No that's not great!

[AliceMcKay]

Very sensative

[snowboarder720]

am I missing something? did he have a girlfriend while he was dating your mom?... no no no, just because a mans wife dies doesn't mean he should feel obligated to stay single forever. What you expect him to mourn your mom everyday? NO. If your mom was a great woman (which I bet she was) she'd want him to move on with his life!

[Asker]

I don't understand how he could do that! She has been gone just for a few months! It's like he doesn't even care! I don't want him to move on!

[snowboarder720]

what makes you think you have control over your dads dating life? I would think that's great he's starting to date. After all the tears are gone, you HAVE to move on. He's moving on by meeting others... YOUR not ready for that step yet. I give my sincere appologies for your loss... but grow up

[Asker]

What if it was your mom? If she died you would want you dad to date so bimbo? Well I don't! It really makes me mad! I feel like he is betraying her! It's not right!

[snowboarder720]

Id hope my dad would see the bright side of things and hope he doesn't go in depression and live a happy life because that's how my mom would want it. Let me ask you a question, would you rather see your dad single for the rest of his life alone and cry to a picture of your mom every night? or would you like to see him eventually find another woman and have a chance at living a happy life again?

[Asker]

Well I would want him to be happy eventually but not yet! It's way to soon!

[snowboarder720]

it been almost a year. I think it's time you start moving along with your dad (sounds like a good guy) and encourage him to see others. I'm sure he misses your mom dearly, and I'm VERY quite sure he will never forget her. He's ready to move on :) id be very proud of him. He sounds like he's a great guy, and maybe from this loss you could learn how to get even closer to him. know what I mean?

[Asker]

Yes I understand, I'm sorry I was rude. I just needed some help from someone, I was just so mad but now that I see t from a different perspective you are right. Thank you

[snowboarder720]

no problem

[Anonymous]

It's his business. You have no right to rightful through his things. He would tell you when he thinks your ready.

[Asker]

F*** you! I'm pissed! My mom hasn't been gone for that long and he has so whore in his life now! That's bull!

[Opinion Owner]

You can swear at me all you want and people can down arrow me all they want but the truth is the truth. You were in the wrong and it is HIS business. Moving on is good and it's not your decision. You don't have to date the woman. Calm down. If it's such a big deal. Tell him what you did and how you feel. But don't take your anger out on people over the Internet.