Is my boyfriend abusing me, or is this toxic or is it mostly my fault?

[Beccaasaar]

So my boyfriend doesn't go by feelings he goes by problems and issues, so I told him how I have insecurities about other woman and he flipped on me saying and I told him about how I don't like how his snap score goes up and when I was playing with him I heard a girls voice and he played it out like it was me he said "wtf was that" x2 and I said it's not me my phones off it must be u so I confronted him on it and his response was "Nah you see this is bullshit this isn't respectful on your part at all this ain't respecting nor trusting me im not gonna allow you to treat me like i did something wrong" "you keep assuming shit and tryin to pin me to something i didn't do fuck off and it wasn't giggling in the fucking video it was words being spoken or just about to be spoken before i clicked off of it i have it in my search history because i was watching other videos from this woman and you dont trust me if u think im doing some dumb shit behind your back bro I wish i was the asshole you think i am this is you adding stress and bullshit where its not fucking needed which turns me off from you bc you're pissing me off for the dumbest fucking shit" "you're insecure for no fucking reason or perhaps bc you aren't doing as well as you think you should and you think another womans coming along to do it better idfk but the point is im with you stil giving me reasons to say fuck it with you jesus fucking christ " and told me I was disrespecting him bc I assumed stuff and my insecurities when all I wanted was validation and reassurance or some type of prove and he was getting defense and I'm just so upset bc I feel like I'm going crazy and I just feel so weak to do anything. And I'm sorry I'm trying to find the right answers bc I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.

[GallopAcrossEurope]

That last part you mentioned about "feel so weak" to me is probably the most important part out of here - its could be a sign of bad diet, lack of sleep, stress from elsewhere in life, or something like that very often spills into paranoia in relationships through insecurity and the inability to be everywhere at once. This could be a good starting step to beginning to fix yourself.

That said, relationships are all about dealing with someone else "b. s." all the time - you must have a certain kind of attitude to get into it. Your boyfriend's impatience with this process isn't a sign of "problem and solutions" (guys like to throw this around to give themselves authority) - in fact he's getting as emotional as you are and is blowing up in your face about it, which is only bad. Whether he's cheating or not anymore is irrelevant - this kind of explosion from him signals he is getting uncomfortable near you due to your overprotectiveness. For your own and his sake, you two should probably look into perhaps ending or cooling down this relationship for a short time, at least.

[Beccaasaar]

What's a good way of not ending it but working around it? Should I just start basically worrying about myself in a sense of like being around friends, doing some activities to get my mind more relax with the idea of me doing my own thing but also giving him his space and comfort?

[GallopAcrossEurope]

Yes, you should probably look out more for yourself. Do activities you like, get curious about the world you live in, etc. That should help get more attention off of him and give him some leeway.

[Beccaasaar]

Thank you :)

[Beccaasaar]

And I try to do things myself but I sometimes do them with people bc the world we live in is scary and I don't like doing things by myself and I try to give him space and do stuff for to keep me occupied but he feels the need to keep my attention on him like for example I have friends 5 out of 3 are men 3 of them men he doesn't like 2 of them bc they have an interest in me and I am not at all interested in them, the other man had been my best friend and he's very harmless and he's also gunna get engaged to my friend soon and my boyfriend knows he's harmless but won't let me have any type of physical contact with him like he asks me to go bowling with him and his girlfriend and I can't bc my boyfriend and I understand the point of it but it feels like I have to ask for permission or ask my boyfriend if he wants to go with us and I think that's the issue when ik I'm suffocating him but I'm also wrestling him to be independent to give him space ya know and another thing is he doesn't like 1 girlfriend bc she did bad decisions in her life and he thinks she's still like that when in reality she has a kid now and takes care of the kid more then going out and jumping from guy to guy so I don't know how to balance it just kinda feels like I'm stuck in a way

[Beccaasaar]

And like I said I understand the guy part bc mostly every guy has an intention to sleep with a woman and also guys are territorial so I understand that and I respect that but I feel like he's not respecting the fact that I wouldn't take it farther then that

[Mansearching]

You've got to work on your issues. But he's feeding them by gas-lighting you. He's making them worse. Got to get rid of him. Then you can work on yourself. After you learn to deal, you'll never be cured (Manic-depressive here), then you can get back into a relationship with someone who understands what you deal with.

[Anonymous]

Your insecurities are not his problem or anyone else's. You need to work on them otherwise you will never make any relationship work. Having said that, he is jerk.

[WhitneySnow]

He’s gaslighting you. That’s what it sounds like to me, at least.

[Guy13]

You are too insecure to maintain relationship with.