Is my boyfriend abusing me, or is this toxic or is it mostly my fault?

Question

So my boyfriend doesn't go by feelings he goes by problems and issues, so I told him how I have insecurities about other woman and he flipped on me saying and I told him about how I don't like how his snap score goes up and when I was playing with him I heard a girls voice and he played it out like it was me he said "wtf was that" x2 and I said it's not me my phones off it must be u so I confronted him on it and his response was "Nah you see this is bullshit this isn't respectful on your part at all this ain't respecting nor trusting me im not gonna allow you to treat me like i did something wrong" "you keep assuming shit and tryin to pin me to something i didn't do fuck off and it wasn't giggling in the fucking video it was words being spoken or just about to be spoken before i clicked off of it i have it in my search history because i was watching other videos from this woman and you dont trust me if u think im doing some dumb shit behind your back bro I wish i was the asshole you think i am this is you adding stress and bullshit where its not fucking needed which turns me off from you bc you're pissing me off for the dumbest fucking shit" "you're insecure for no fucking reason or perhaps bc you aren't doing as well as you think you should and you think another womans coming along to do it better idfk but the point is im with you stil giving me reasons to say fuck it with you jesus fucking christ " and told me I was disrespecting him bc I assumed stuff and my insecurities when all I wanted was validation and reassurance or some type of prove and he was getting defense and I'm just so upset bc I feel like I'm going crazy and I just feel so weak to do anything. And I'm sorry I'm trying to find the right answers bc I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.

GallopAcrossEurope · Accepted Answer

That last part you mentioned about "feel so weak" to me is probably the most important part out of here - its could be a sign of bad diet, lack of sleep, stress from elsewhere in life, or something like that very often spills into paranoia in relationships through insecurity and the inability to be everywhere at once. This could be a good starting step to beginning to fix yourself.

That said, relationships are all about dealing with someone else "b. s." all the time - you must have a certain kind of attitude to get into it. Your boyfriend's impatience with this process isn't a sign of "problem and solutions" (guys like to throw this around to give themselves authority) - in fact he's getting as emotional as you are and is blowing up in your face about it, which is only bad. Whether he's cheating or not anymore is irrelevant - this kind of explosion from him signals he is getting uncomfortable near you due to your overprotectiveness. For your own and his sake, you two should probably look into perhaps ending or cooling down this relationship for a short time, at least.

Mansearching · Accepted Answer

You've got to work on your issues. But he's feeding them by gas-lighting you. He's making them worse. Got to get rid of him. Then you can work on yourself. After you learn to deal, you'll never be cured (Manic-depressive here), then you can get back into a relationship with someone who understands what you deal with.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Your insecurities are not his problem or anyone else's. You need to work on them otherwise you will never make any relationship work. Having said that, he is jerk.