I'm a pretty affectionate person, but my girlfriend doesn't feel like she needs to be. What's the best way to approach this?

[Snowjora]

It feels like I put in so much work to be the best boyfriend I can be, but she doesn't acknowledge or appreciate any of it. She doesn't really make any effort to show me she loves me, and I'm starting to feel like a total jerk for expecting it. She's a wonderful person and I'm happy that I'm with her, but recently it's just been extremely unfulfilling with no signs of changing.

[lightbulb27]

she's unwilling to be affectionate. the question would be why is she not and why avoiding it. someone that cares will at least show up to have discussion. Lastly, she's not willing to do any work on relationship? Is she just a nice person? To me, sounds like she is a wounded and remote emotional person that needs some healing so she can be a partner. Id be digging into her traumatic life that is controlling her.

failure to address fundamental needs means this will fail.

Discussion. there's book on this "love languages". Practice.

Some people thing "I will love you the way I want to". The real answer is to love them the way they need to be loved.

[Iron_Man]

What are you looking for exactly? Maybe she wants to get married first before she has sex

[hsshannah96]

I don’t think she will change. now, are you playing the long game to try to get laid or are you just being loving and she isn’t returning it

[Snowjora]

I dont care about getting laid lol, she's just not really being loving back

[hsshannah96]

yeah but did you ever give her the idea that you are a homebody and never want to leave your place. You just want to love and be loved at your home or hers

[hsshannah96]

Because we aren’t loving back toward that kind of thing but we should be if it’s been long enough into a relationship. I start being touchy feely generally about 3 months in or so

[Snowjora]

going on a year now...

[rachel776]

tbh you will need a new girlfriend she is not going to change if she's that way

[Anonymous]

Some people are just not affectionate people. You will have to decide how strong are your feelings for this girl, really.

[In_Trance]

talk to her