Why is it impossible for some women to have a healthy relationship with anyone?

[Anonymous]

I used to know this woman that due to her toxicity I had to end all contact with. 2 years later she's still obsessed with our former connection. I don't dislike her. I don't think she's a bad person deep down. But she very controlling and manipulative which is why I had to end all contact with her. But I don't get is why she's so obsessed with me? Is it the fact that I ended it? Or does she really feel in her twisted mind we had something?

[D_Bone_Steak]

Some people just have enough toxicity to make any relationship just as toxic as the last one. It's why I pay really close attention to their relationship history. If it's nothing but a string of shit relationships, the common denominator is obviously them.

Some people try to hide it... but I'd say around the 3-month mark... the mask is going to slip and you're going to figure out firsthand why they've had nothing but shit relationships. Behavioral traits and old habits DO NOT just change.

With women in particular, change can be hard for them to do because nothing forces them to change. Because of their high sexual market value (SMV), they can easily bounce from one relationship to the next without changing a damn thing. They're just in such high demand that they can basically tell on themselves by divulging their past, and get given a chance anyways. Men on the other hand... are just more likely to have to change and work on themselves... especially in a smaller population where their reputation will proceed them.

So... as to why this woman is obsessed with you in particular... my guess is that you've displayed the ability to put up with her shit better than the others. Maybe you outshine the other options she has as well. Women in general, some more than others, shit-test men... and you being willing to leave is actually one of those shit-tests. She probably doesn't understand she's taken it too far though and you really just left it, which probably drives her even more crazy. That's just my guess though, and you'll probably do better at figuring out the details than I.

[Asker]

I think you're spot on with this analysis.

[Inbox]

Yeah, women who are very attractive don't have an incentive to change because of too much demand, but when they hit they're mid 30s +... well... it's like eating a very spicy meal and it hits them later, except it'll be every time they go the bathroom LOL

[D_Bone_Steak]

@Inbox The wall is undefeated.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

You tried to help, but you said the key point. She's bringing you down and contributing nothing positive.

People like that are a virus, the term misery loves company may apply here. Some people are just unlucky or sad or whatever but it's going to affect you in ways you won't even see coming.

It's probably not even worth too much of your thought.

[Alli39]

Same reason why some men are. Or some people of any age, sex, gender, or other identifier. Mental health, upbringing, environment. Our experiences shape us, but how they shape us is way more complicated than we tend to recognize. Growing up in an emotionally abusive household might make a person incredibly independent, or incredibly needy. Being born into a rich family might simply prevent insecurity, or might result in a lack of empathy. It could be mental health issues, lack of good role models, or any number of things. At the end fo the day, some people simply aren't emotionally equipped to engage in healthy relationships of any kind, even more so if it's not the right person.

People probably are right about the fact that she's clinging to you because she, on some level, registers you as the most likely to tolerate her, but it could be many other things. She might associate you with a positive period in her life, legitimately look up to you or care about you in the limited sense she's able, or simply lack other people to latch onto. The why really isn't important, because at the end of the day, there's little you can do other than cut her off and encourage her to seek help if you consider it appropriate.

[Asker]

Yeah I've tried to do that already. I don't think she's a bad person. I just don't think she's capable of anything positive or healthy. I just feel bad for her. But not so bad that I want her tainting my life anymore. I really hope she gets it figured out. The likelihood at this point is small. She ain't a kid anymore.
Thanks for your viewpoint.

[provokeesmokee]

Just like for some incels who become literal terrorists, there isn't always much more explanation than "crazy be crazy and they never sought help".

Some people are never going to be truly well.

My mother is a perfect case. She's so paranoid, sensitive, and delusional that she cannot hold a job for longer than 6mth. A coworker greeted her "have a good day" and she literally came home in tears, had a full breakdown, and quit that job that week.

Over a goddamn polite morning greeting.

Some people have never been, never want to be, and never will be okay. That's just how it is.

Protect yourself and ignore her. It's all you can do, is just focus on living your life.

[msc545]

More women than men have a subset of cluster B personality disorders that are a disaster for relationships. Women are overrepresented in diagnosable Borderline and Histrionic disorders. Combine these with emotional lability and a lack of social inhibitions and you have a real disaster.

[Asker]

I can buy that.

[ohsheeT]

Well when things like that happen you need to really take a couple steps back and ask yourself the same question I'm not saying that it could be you I'm just saying you need to think about it it goes both ways you can't have one without the other

[Asker]

I don't claim to be perfect man. I do have my hangup I'll admit.

[ohsheeT]

Well yeah I hope you understand I didn't mean anything by that except for it's always good to take a look at ourselves a little bit deeper than we usually do I know at least for me that's what I have to do because I don't want to be perfect that's for sure cuz then you stop growing learning but no matter what you do I mean there's two sides to everything and nobody has to be right nobody has to be wrong

I'm a firm believer would you put into it is what you get out of it

[crystalline0909]

She keeps recalling things because she doesn't trust you. She wanted you to take accountability of your actions of there was any infidelity involved in your part. Otherwise she just doesn't trust you and doesn't want to hurts herself inspite of having feelings for you.

[Asker]

Wow that's amazing! I don't think anybody could have been anymore wrong than this. 😆
She doesn't have ANY feelings for me. She only knows toxicity and control. She doesn't want me at all. She for some reason is obsessed with needing me to want her. I just don't get why after a couple years. She hasn't let go of this obsession. I'll always care about her. But this is how it has to be.

[crystalline0909]

Perhaps you are too full of ego to accept or even consider the other side of the story.
And if you are so aware she has no feelings then why do you even care.
Obsession is the result of overlove.

You don't want her, leave her completely without reappearing back at all. Cuz doesn't matter if you accept it or not, trust issues is the only reason behind her not letting go of past issues. Cuz in her mind those issues never got resolved or she didn't find clarity enough to let go. Your side of the experience and her side of the experience can be completely different.
Reality is harsh. Every person she's the world with different lenses based on their experience.

[inhua]

feminism, promiscuity, entitlement, narcissism, simps enabling her bad behavior, gynocentric laws e. g. divorce courts incentivizing power abuse etc.

[cosmosis181]

#5 on this guy's list. That's for a LOT of em now.☝️

[ShesRad80]

if you have ended contact with her how is she controlling and manipulating you?

[Asker]

She's not. I've broken all contact with her. But she's still talking to our mutual friends about me saying stuff like "she feels there's a lot left unsaid between us" etc. On facebook. I only see it because I see thier feeds. I have no contact with her because I didn't want to deal with her manipulation and toxicity anymore. I still wish the best for her. I just don't get why after 2 years. She hasn't moved on.

[kellytheman]

Women are very emotional and she probably was to invested into emotional feelings that you two had something. Also you said she really controlling so maybe since your the one that ended she was out of control which is making her toxic and obsessed over you. I feel if you did take her back she probably wanted end it so she felt in more control of the relationship.

[sheikalana]

Well, that probably goes back to things they've been through in life. Still not acceptable but there's always a reason why people act the way they act.

[SnowedIn]

Why is it impossible for some men to have a healthy relationship with anyone?

[boggboss]

Because she is not willing to let go she dont sound mentally well which probably plays a massive part

[LazerBean]

But a man or woman cannot stay in relationship and / or all of their relationships suck, it is because of poor upbringing, entitlement, promiscuity, and often just the inability to not always think about themselves.

[DubiousIntentions]

Because she is too busy screwing anything that wears pants?

[zebronics]

Some women struggle with healthy relationships because they accidentally activated the "Attract Unavailable Partners" setting in their dating app.

[Anonymous]

You tolerated her more then most guys would. You were probably one of the few guys who tried to have a relationship with her.

[Asker]

There might be some truth to that. I do mbelieve short of her mother I was the most stable thing she's ever had in her life.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sure she thinks highly of you for that reason. Why wouldn't she if you were one of the only people like that in her life?

[Reem12345reem]

Some women do but they're just ungrateful and cause drama out of anything

[LiamJHayden]

Some women, and men, have absurdly unrealistic expectations.

[mommymommymommy]

The dudes she's getting with are horrible human beings, likely

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

I have learned in my life that trash human beings are experts in giving other people hell.

[gothbxtch]

it’s not women specifically. some people are just toxic.

[donttalktomebye]

I guess it is boring when a relationship is too healthy and there is no fun

[Nikki1989]

Some women?

That is some people in general.