When a good guy friend asks you out, ladies?

[Anonymous]

I’m 25 she’s 22. We worked together at a restaurant for about a year 1/2 together. We always worked well together and I’m also friends with a lot of her friends. However when she quit the job, I shot my shot. I really wasn’t super aggressive about it, like I just told her friend that I was into her, followed by a text asking “do you have plans weekend?” and she sort of just ghosted me. Basically been acting like I’m a stranger. Like I didn’t even get the “we’re just friends” treatment. Or “you’re like a brother to me” talk. I would understand if I just met her and I was a borderline stranger but like we’ve been cool asf for so long. I’m just confused.

[Oliverlogan263]

From a guy's perspective, here's what I think may be happening:

- She values your friendship too much to risk it changing things romantically. She probably doesn't want the awkwardness if it doesn't work out.

- Could be she just doesn't see you that way and was taken by surprise you felt differently.

- Might feel weird now continuing the friendship after rejecting you.

My advice - give her some space for now to process things. Then reach out calmly and say you value her friendship too, but you felt you had to be honest about your feelings. Assure her there's no pressure either way.

If she's still icy after that, it may be best to focus your energy elsewhere for a bit. Down the line if things chill out, you can gauge keeping it friendly.

It sucks man, been there before. But keep your head up - plenty more fish and at least you took a shot! Now you know and can close that chapter.

[spartan55]

You made two mistakes. First you used a go between to let her know you were interested. LAME. Second you asked her out by TEXT... so lame... and you didn't really ask her out either. "what are you doing this weekend" does not count.

[Anonymous]

This is the same as when you think you’ve made a really good friend at work, only for them to leave them disappear forever, same with graduating high school and hardly hearing from certain friends again if at all. I just don’t consider a lot of those connections genuine, but circumstantial as you work together for extended lengths of time. I’m sorry you were disillusioned, I just think it’s another case of convenient flirting but no real intent behind it.

[Riribichri]

She probably has different view on dating and relationships and she things u are not compatible