If you have feelings for an Escort/Sex Worker, would you act them, why or why not?

[Anonymous]

The reason for my question is that I had an amazing time with an Escort/Sex Worker. She went above and beyond with the service provided. Obviously, she looked amazing. However, we spoke the whole time (which is not uncommon, I know), but we had a lot in common. Mind you this was first session with this particular Escort/Sex Worker for some context.

As we were chatting, I told her that I'm not down for everything that society dictates as right or wrong, normal or abnormal. After losing my ride or die of 17 years to cancer recently, I missed just simple things like being touched and touching her, being hugged, intimate moments that you can't readily get at the grocery store (lol). During my explanation, I then let her know that I felt we were hitting it off really well and that I already felt like we were acquaintances but could really be friends (inside the confines of her place of business or outside of business). Quickly, mentioned that my heart is broken, not looking for love, and definitely not looking for a replacement to my wife anytime soon. She agreed with me and she said she felt we could be friends (including outside of her place of business) and then she said or more than friends. I agreed with her and didn't bring up what she said again.

At home, I just have a smile on my face (obviously from an incredible experience), but I couldn't stop thinking about what she said. Of course, in a nonconventional way, my heart is having those feelings for this woman, which I know to me may be more than friendship is desired.

I rambled on and on enough, obviously you all don't have all the details because there are some things that should remain private.

Updates

6 mo

I left out some important information on purpose.
I asked her out (as friends) if she wanted to hang out sometime. Gambling and being a VIP is a new thing for me. They gave me food credits and we can hit up any restaurant there. They'll give me a free room as well. She said yes anytime, she would like that, and it would be good for two single adults to have some fun. Also, she gave me her real name and phone number.

Please let me know if any of this information changes your mind or not?

[Anonymous]

I’m glad you had a fantastic time, and I’m sorry for what you’re going through I can’t possibly imagine. I say this kindly, but please don’t misconstrue her working vs being actually genuine. Her job is to show you a good time, while keeping money in her pocket. If you’ll be paying her for this friendship arrangement then sure, do that, but despite what’s she’s told you she isn’t looking for a friend because it’s hardly beneficial for her and you aren’t the first or last man who will tried this. You haven’t an idea what repercussions she’s faced for saying no, or how she’s benefited from saying yes. So my advice is not inviting her to hang out while she’s off the clock, tbh I doubt this is what she wants and I feel sure she will avoid it if there’s no monetary gain. Instead, have your escort moments, chat a bit after, build up a decent enough relationship to where your request for friendship may actually come to light one day. Right now it’s too soon though, and you don’t want to chase her off.

[Asker]

Good advice. My question is going to have a variety of answers and if there were responses I wouldn't like, I would never have asked the question :).
Of course, they're goal is maximize their profits just like any business owner. I will most likely keep everything the same within the confines of our sessions. However, since an Escort/Sex Worker is a person making their choice to do something against what society deems normal or immoral, but we know they deserve respect like anyone else and during work they want to get top dollar, but does that mean they can't pursue love or be loved in the most likely of circumstances?

[Opinion Owner]

Of course they deserve respect, love, and of course benefit of the doubt. However, this is a job, just like anything else is a job and the main objective in this position is to gain and keep tricks. Now I’m not saying with accuracy that’s what’s going on with her, but I just see no real significance in giving her name and number with a job like this, because Isn’t that ultimately the point? Being able to have access to her? I guess the whole point in this comment is to not get so excited about how you’re feeling that you’re naive. This is a prostitute, you are giving her work. Maybe one day a fondness will spark, even a friendship, but I wouldn’t believe just yet that this is anything other than basically closing on a sale.

[Asker]

Valid points. Everyone has had valid points. Many with the same theme. I know that what I have written makes me seem naive. I wouldn't be doing any of this if my wife hadn't passed away and I missed companionship, intimacy, touching, etc. I also know that women for the most part have power over men, which for the most part derives from their pussy. They have pussy power. It's true. When I was younger in my 20's that's all I wanted and at times I would lose sight of my value and my morals, etc. and bow down. However, I am not that naive in my 40's and I know what I want. I don't necessarily want to date anyone right now, but I don't want to close myself off from that either. The power of puss has no hold over me now in my life. Sex workers need me more than I need them. Women in general need me more than I need them or at least this is my mindset. It's amazing not being sprung, it leads to being confident while talking/flirting with women (all kinds from all walks of life). I'm not saying that I'm going to date this sex worker or that she even wants to date me, let alone be friends. I picked up on some stuff that was different from normal sex worker behavior. She seemed lonely and wanted to have a good time outside of her work with another adult man, with no obligation to provide sex and I wouldn't have to pay for her time, which almost every escort/sex worker would immediately stipulate for the girl friend experience. Even though you got some business coming through doesn't mean that they can't be lonely too. Not being able to talk about work with their friends and family, that's got to be psychologically draining. If things get weird, I'm out, I will never see that person again. Right now, I feel like I'm at the buffet and I'm trying new things and see how they taste. If it's good I'll continue them, if not, I'll go back to the others. Okay I'm done rambling.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol it’s ok to ramble! I know you’re trying to sort these thoughts. My honest opinion? Give yourself a clear idea of exactly what you want and don’t blur the lines. Like you’re saying you essentially want the things that come with a relationship without the title, but why? Why not draw a line between dealing with a woman to take care of sex needs, vs one interested in taking care of the emotional ones, like company that doesn’t cost, cuddling, a date here and there, etc. Then at least there’s the space for it to grow into something. With this woman, she has practice being great at sex and interacting with men several times a day. She can very well read your emotions, what you want or need vs what you don’t, and just how much of herself to share. I’m sure there’s some genuine aspects of her personality in there but mainly she’s adjusting herself to fit your needs. Since part of her profession is acting and putting on a certain hat, I think you need a woman who is interested in taking things slow, not dating right away, no monetary gain on either end, that type of woman.

[Asker]

You are totally correct. I really don't like responses of "don't do it." That's only going to make me want to do that bad thing more. Definitely in the realm of dating, which the generations after mine really screwed up. Dating used to be fun and now it's like what woman wants chivalry, which woman thinks chivalry is misogyny, some want it both ways. Yeah I will most likely take it slow.

[Avicenna]

You can't wifey or girlfriend a sex worker, so don't even dream about it, much less try to do it.

[Asker]

This is probably true with many of them. This is true about non escorts/sex workers as well. I have to believe that they're people too and, in their life, outside of the industry some may want a relationship or even a marriage. I appreciate your response and really, I want a variety of responses, especially ones that don't align with my own.

[Avicenna]

Yeah, you have to remember that it's a business transaction. I guess some guys' subconscious can get a bit confused because we aren't used to being intimate with a woman who is just a business transaction, but I am pretty sure that's how they see it so you should too.

[Avicenna]

Remember that they are expert at extracting as much money from men as they can without having feelings about it, which is not a basis in the least for a relationship.

[Asker]

Seriously valid points. I'm used to 17 years of intimacy; it wasn't until recently that I lost my wife. The only thing I was looking for from escorts/sex workers is companionship, making a connection albeit only for the amount time I paid for. If I needed or wanted sex, intimacy, etc. in a desperate way, I wouldn't be able to objectively observe our sessions. I look it at as a buffet of very attractive women that provide a service that depends on people like me to book them and pay them. My first couple times with a couple different escorts were both good in their different ways, but each time I felt more like talking than anything else. Since I am also a good listener, they all had no problem communicating everything good and bad that was going on in their lives (without asking for additional money, I'm no sugar daddy!). I approached all my sessions as a professional transaction between consenting adults. They need me more than I need them.

[Asker]

This I get too, but it seems to dehumanize them a bit. There only there for money. That's everyone that works in an industry. People date their co-workers and customers in other fields, but I would think that every once in a while, an escort/sex worker comes across someone they wouldn't mind being friends with or sometimes more than friends, outside of their job. I still view them as human beings just like the rest of us.

[Avicenna]

Yeah, well, they have made a decision to engage in these business transactions despite having other job opportunities. So you're being naive here.

I'll repeat myself: no sex worker is a potential friend or partner. They know when they make the decision to do sex work that they are no longer girlfriend material. And they aren't your friends- they're on the other end of a business transaction.

[Asker]

I get it and I'm not even defending my (most likely misguided attempt to befriend a sex worker), but there has to be at least 1 sex worker out there in the world (in history of the world) that befriended a client without attempting to extract more money out of them. Again, not saying my situation, just in general there has to be 1. If there's 1, then something like that could happen. Again, I do get your point.

[Avicenna]

Just have a fun time with these sex workers and don't lose your shirt.

[Anonymous]

Well they are still human beings as well

[Asker]

Right, that's been my point.
Additionally, if you ask for extra they will ask for extra (money).
The individual we're conversing about, never asked for extra when I asked for extra (outside of their work).

[AngryCarl2]

No I would not. She had sex with you because you paid her and you got the same service everyone else does. Don't make a complete idiot of yourself.

[Iron_Man]

I would never

[Asker]

I appreciate your honest response. Trust me, I never wanted to be with anyone in that industry other than what they're providing. However, what I have learned so far on this journey is that life is too short and I no longer want to shut myself off from new experiences. Whether there's a possibility of nothing going right and getting hurt. I don't want to preemptively stop my journey because I might get hurt. That's my perspective and it's okay for us to have a difference in opion, we're all different people.

[Anonymous]

Was it your first time or something?

[Asker]

This was my third different Escort/Sex Worker.
This was my first time with this provider.