Dilemma about a job offer that my friend wants to apply for?

[Anonymous]

I got offered an invitation to model clothes, in an email from a social group that I am part of. I’m not interested in modelling, however, I thought I’d ask my friends if they knew anyone who was keen. My friend Mary responded that she herself is interested. Mary is short and very plain, but she is confident that she’ll get the job. I had serious doubts and I’m worried her hopes and confidence will be crushed, as a caring friend, but it’s not my business or place to judge, so I said I’d get them to contact her. Mary is a lovely person and a great friend. Should I just stay out of it?

Updates

+1 y

This is something that has been bugging me all day. Mary’s feelings being hurt and her getting crushed. She’s so hopeful and believes so absolutely that she’s very beautiful.

[Oliverlogan263]

This is a delicate situation since you care about Mary's feelings. A few thoughts:

- Gently expressing your honest doubts about her "fit" for the role could help manage expectations in a caring way. Something like "I want you to succeed but want you to know modeling can be tough."

- Offer to look over her application materials or do a mock interview to provide constructive feedback. Focus on skills/presentation rather than appearance.

- Emphasize your role is simply forwarding her info, not deciding. The company will make its own call. You're just looking out for her emotionally.

- Suggest she goes in optimistic but also mentally prepared in case it doesn't work out. Remind her it says nothing about her worth.

- After applying, be there for her no matter what with encouragement and a shoulder. Validate her for trying something out of her comfort zone.

Ultimately it's her choice to apply. But as a good friend, expressing concern from a place of caring versus judging could help manage expectations. Your support either way will mean a lot to her. Focus on building her up rather than potential shortcomings. With confidence and skill, you never know - she may surprise you!

[Anonymous]

If you’re a loving, caring friend then give her the chance. Who knows they may just like her. If they don’t, than that’s reality. She’s going to have to face some nos in her lifetime. You can’t be there to protect her all the time. The only thing you can do is be there to listen if things don’t workout for her. She may not be what they’re looking for but they may be able to recommend her to someone else who is looking for what she’s got. You say you have serious doubts, which means you’re judging her, which you also said said is not your business to judge. If that was true you’d let her pursue it regardless of outcome.

[Asker]

If I were judging her, I’d be laughing or sneering at her, rather than being concerned about her.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re still judging her. You don’t think she has what it takes. Even if you’re right and they don’t accept her you’re still judging her.

[Anonymous]

I'm not certain I'd personally recomment answering any emails for "modelling" on any social group online. That kind of 'crowd sourcing' is near exclusively to get low cost models and most often used to groom young girls into modeling (often exploiting their natural excitement to work in that area). That said I don't know the group your in so maybe there are some legitimate ones out there. So assuming its legit.

Tough position. On the one hand, you should let your friend take her chance under her own feeling of herself; On the other, it is a good thing to help keep her expectations low so whatever comes she's either mildly disapointed or very excited (because it exceeded what she imagined might be).

I'd say, avoid remarking or viewing this from your personal judgement of her chances of success (because that position on a friend gets toxic fast). Instead, let her know how difficult it is for even professional models to land a position and the pitfalls. Share whatever eperience of modeling you have such that she's given fair warning of how hard it is, and speak to any time you personally felt upset or sad regarding some judgement of your own suitablity. In that way you can help keep her expectations low without decending to opinioning on her looks or lack there of.

Life can surprise and sometimes feeling beautiful is worth more than being beautiful (especially when a beautiful person is always looking grumpy, mean or sour as example).

It sounds like your way of caring for your friend feels slightly misaligned to my reading, caring that she's not hurt is good / loving; Noting that she thinks she's more beautifull than she is comes over petty and shallow (but people here will understand you're here to check your instincts, which count for a lot to suggest thats hopefully a misimpression).

So, focus purely on caring for her as anyone applying for something they might not get can be upsetting, and finding a way to let her know your willing the best here as well as advising she should'nt get her hopes up because she doesn't know what type of girl they are seeking, and not to be upset if its not her. Best way.

Good luck.

[Asker]

I don’t personally think it’s judgmental of me to think she’s conceited. Inner beauty matters up to a point to everyone, but modelling isn’t about inner beauty. It’s about what’s on the outside.

[Asker]

I know my friend and what she looks like and you don’t. What I see is that she’s going to get her dreams crushed.

[Asker]

I know for a fact that she’s conceited. But I don’t care. What I care about is her getting her dreams crushed. She has a tough enough life already.

[Asker]

More to the point, try having sex with and marrying an ugly woman and then I’ll believe you when you say honesty that ugly people exist is shallow and that the world only cares about inner beauty.

[Opinion Owner]

You don't reflect well your care for your friend. You do reflect well your opinions on how you feel she looks and that you feel she's not as beautiful as she feels she is.

Caring for a friend is not the same as policing what they do.

[Opinion Owner]

Regarding beauty, I've always felt ulgy, but many women disagree. Many other women think I'm very very ugly. Your right, people aren't choosing ugly women or men, but they are neither using your idea of ugly or beautiful. Let people find for themselves. Trying to sheild people from life is like keeping someone in a cave because your afraid they might get skin cancer. *shrug* my opinion.

No malice, all the best, and I hope you manage to do service to your friend and help her as she would wish of your friendship *bow*.

[Asker]

They are for modelling. Modelling isn’t about inner beauty.

[Opinion Owner]

I can show you models for all types of things. No person thinks every model beautiful and there are models for most anything sold. People can forget that there are a range of people in the world when they are caught up in the idea of some ideal face and body.

I would say the only exception to the fact modeling is open to all looks is the actual disfigurement. If your friend has actual serious disfigurement, then that is a very difficult one.

I find inner beauty is often a term sued by people to apply their standard of beauty as superior. "Your beautiful inside" they say to a girl whos never felt ugly in her life.

My advice, which is open to be incorrect, is just let your friend be as she finds herself and give a reasoned warning about why modeling can be potentially very upsetting and rejection difficult.

Thanks for sharing your views.

[Asker]

Thanks for sharing yours. However, I still respectfully disagree.

[Opinion Owner]

That's fair, and at the end of the day you know your friends needs best. So my final advice we can hopefully agree upon is do what you know is the best for your friend and try to leave your interperataions out, whilst trying to keep hers from becoming distorted. Best of luck.

[Asker]

Yes, on that, we completely agree. Thanks for your help xo

[gorydetails]

Lol, this whole thing is a scam. You should let your friend know.

[Asker]

It’s actually not

[gorydetails]

lol, bet.

[Asker]

I know the people running it.

[Cheapskate]

Yeah, think you should stay out of it. Let her try her luck.

[laly520]

maybe its scam

[Asker]

It’s a good point, but no it’s not a scam. I know the people running it

[KrakenAttackin]

Let her apply and see what happens.

[MrDaveAPSI]

Modeling doesn't HAVE to be all tall people. Most catwalk people are tall, but you don't HAVE to be tall to model. You can't assume anything, that's wrong!

[Asker]

Most models are pretty. She’s not. Anyway, you’re missing the whole point of my question, which is how to support her.

[MrDaveAPSI]

Has nothing to do with you supporting her

It means you have no faith in her

You're not a friend

you're A BITCH