I started dating this girl in December. She's an MA student from India and we met in September during freshers week and I am in Mphil/PhD.
We started dating in November and things were alright. Until my brother texted me saying that he saw my Facebook account. I had a Facebook (only when I was 17 and I had deleted that one) and I honestly didn't want to create a Facebook because I didn't need one. I have always shared my life updates through WhatsApp to my friends and family.
However, my girlfriend started to coerce me to create a Facebook. She kept saying I should also have a social media and to make one. She had started to get annoyed when I wasn't creating one so I eventually did but didn't upload any pics or add any friends until she started saying to add her ASAP and use our picture on the profile photo instead of using my own picture on my account.
Eventually I did send her the friend request and she added me and put up our photo of us in the snow, acting goofy instead of a romantic pic. She didn't quite like the fact that I didn't use a romantic photo but stopped complaining at least. She said she wanted to show her FB friends and family about her boyfriend but I don't understand because she could have posted our pics on her account so why ask me?
She is quite insecure and very possessive as well. She kinda of stalked my ex girlfriend on Facebook, causing my ex to hide her posts and friends. She knew I was in a relationship when I first met her in September last year yet she used to call me to hangout and I always saw her put on red lipstick whenever I came.
What does this mean? Should I dump her? We are both 29.
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Sis, this sounds like some real red flag behavior to me. A few things stand out:
- Wanting you to create social media just to post about your relationship is possessive and insecure. Major red flag.
- Stalking your ex online is super unhealthy and weird. Yikes.
- Hitting on you when she knew you were taken is sketchy AF too.
This girl sounds jealous and controlling to her core. I wouldn't trust her intentions are truly in your best interest - seems more like she wants to "own" you and mark her territory everywhere.
You need a partner who uplifts your freedom and trusts you fully, not one who checks up on you constantly or pressures you into things you don't want to do.
I say ditch this one, sis. You deserve someone caring and secure in themselves who respects your boundaries. Don't settle for less when your worth so much more! You've got this.
when I went to meet her, she had red lipstick on and her hair was open. She even took selfies together. Then posted that picture on her Instagram writing Happy Birthday my name , thank you for being part of my crew ❤️ I was still with ny girlfriend that time. She's big in race and caste politics though as she's a dalit but can afford expensive education and also has a dog back home
My brother said she's a red flag and is treating me like a trophy and also the account is to create an illusion that we are together and to show how I'm crazy about her she could have simply posted our pics on her account or sent pictures there. Why ask me?
Man that's super shady behavior on her part. Taking selfies together and posting them when you were still with your ex is super disrespectful. Sounds like she's definitely more interested in showing you off as some kind of trophy or status symbol instead of actually caring about you.
The fact that she's really into that caste and race politics stuff could be a red flag too. Like is she just using you to make some sort of statement? Makes it seem less about your actual relationship. And making you get social media just for her is super controlling.
I'd definitely trust your brother's intuition on this one. She doesn't respect your other relationships and seems way too possessive already. Plus doing all that secret selfie stuff behind your ex's back is shady as hell. I'd get out of there if I were you, luv. You don't need that kind of drama. Plenty of other fish in the sea who won't treat you like a trophy or try to control your life. Not worth the hassle, for sure.
She idolised blue eyes and light skin and is deeply insecure about herself since she has deeper complexion and has a lot of premature greying that she hides by dying her hair blonde
She has said that she is considered very unattractive by Indian standards
Yo, this chick's issues seem to run way deeper than you first thought. Her insecurities about her appearance and race/caste sounds like it's playing a big role in how she's acting.
When someone treats someone else like a "trophy" it's usually cuz they're trying to validate themselves or prove something. Sounds like that's what she's doing with you and flaunting your relationship on social media.
Not only is she being possessive and disrespectful to your boundaries, her putting you on a pedestal like that and objectifying you for your looks isn't cool either man. You deserve to be with someone who likes you for who you ARE, not what you look like or represent to others.
I'd say for your own mental health and peace, cut her loose. She's got some serious self-esteem shit to work through that's way above your pay grade. Letting her drag you into it will only lead to more drama and toxicity down the line, trust me.
You got your whole life ahead of you - don't get tied down by someone else's insecurities and issues, ya feel me? Go find a girl who likes YOU for you and respects your space. This one ain't it. You deserve better!
Yes... It means you should dump her.
The alternative is to jump through hoops to please her, until you are at the end of your tether and you have a huge argument, which results in a break up anyway!
dump her!