I step out onto my front porch one day and see you moving in next door but you're all by yourself so, I walk over and offer to help. You accept. We get all your stuff loaded in. We're alone in your new place and I've been the perfect gentleman (or very close to it) the whole time and gave you no reason to distrust or fear me. Do you, anyway, even just a little bit? And, if so, why?
1. You don’t help. It’s not your circus, and it ain’t your monkeys You owe her nothing.
2. If you decide to be a nice guy, then do so, but treat her like a guy. Cuss and talk about how it’s hotter than fuck. This will actually make her feel more at ease with you. You’re just a dude, who is thinking the same thing she’s thinking. Moving sucks.
3, Not that anyone on this site really wants advice, but guys ask how to approach a girl in a bar. The same way.
4. If your eyes both gaze at each other, always be the first to look away. ALWAYS. “Wow, you have a fireplace! Lucky you. I’m jealous!”
5. Once you Schlep all of her crap in her new place, she’s going to offer you a drink or something to eat. You decline. (very important) It’s past your bedtime. You gotta go.
6. Bingo
So, how do you feel about this situation and why?
Nice retort.
Well? You never answered the question.
Keep being the nice guy, that's important. This is your next door neighbor, so you NEED to be the innocent victim. If you were miles from home, it would be different, but you're not.
If you have a computer, click here.
tubitv.com/.../palm-swings
If you use a mobile device, the link still might work, but if not, download Tubi. It's a free TV/Movie service. Once downloaded, search for "Palm Swings."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2obU4_lcow
PS. I didn't mean that "nice retort" for you. I was half asleep last night and messaged the wrong person.
No and I do apologise for it in advance for not trusting you right away.
I only trust people that I know for at least 2 years and that I thoroughly checked out beforehand.
As a single girl, I am aware that nothing is free in life and a guy that just pops into my place does have some kind of intentions. You can deny it as much as you want but I know that deep inse you and if I would let you do, you would sooner or later want more than just help me setup my place.
I don‘t play that kind of games and honestly, I am not interested the least in getting into one, regardless how what kind of a gentleman you pretend to be. Actually, I would be kind of worried because that would mean that I would have to close the shutters and pull the drapes 24/7.
This is an intelligent take and definitely one that would keep you out of unruly situations.
However, out of curiosity you say you don't trust anyone you've known for at least 2 years. So if a stranger approached you romantically somewhere and you were into it or like him etc. would you still not trust this man after many months or would you never start a romantic relationship with someone you met out and about?
@bobby_bush_eater I would not start a romantic relationship in any case. You see, I am not interested in being in a relationship because right now, I do concentrate on my education and that takes 100% of my time. I don't want to take any chance and jeopardize my goal.
It will be early enough in 20+ years to think of being romantic, once I settled down.
Not to sound accusatory but, you sound a bit paranoid.
I happen to know that some things in life ARE free with no strings attached! I'm living proof.
About 15 years ago, I stopped in at the library on my way home from work just to check something out on the computer for a few minutes,. The computer I ended up using had a wallet sitting on it. I just left it there figuring the owner will come get it. Nobody did. As I was getting ready to leave, I asked the girl next to me if it was her wallet. She said it wasn't. I took it home, found a $10 bill in it as well as the owner's name. I looked her up in the phone book, called her and told her that I have her wallet and where I found it. We set up a time to meet the next day after work to give the wallet back to her. We decided to meet where she worked, a block away from the library. I gave her the wallet and waited while she checked through to make sure everything was there. She noticed the 10-spot and offered to give it to me for returning her wallet. I refused the money (I didn't really need it) and told her I just wanted to see to it she got her wallet back. We both left, went our separate ways and I never heard from or saw her again. I couldn't even tell you her name.
As for the girl in the question, the only thing I asked of her after she moved in was to help me reset a plank on a fence dad built, the plank fell down and I couldn't lift it by myself. It as about 10' long and 10" wide..
Thanks for your exhaustive reply.
I may sound paranoid but as a woman, I can tell you a number of horror stories about men wanting to help me fix something, catcalling, whistling, groping, making innuendo and other double meaning insinuations.
Yes, I do dislike it a lot and your question simply reminds me that young girls are always in danger.
I find it ironic that he's calling it paranoid. Luckily for him to think that and shows his privilege. And I do try to not use that word lightly like the feminazis do.
Quite welcome.
Yeah, I can understand that but you can't judge EVERYONE the same way just because a FEW treated you like shit. I've had more than my fair share of bad situations thrust upon me, too but, I don't walk around like a scared rabbit that can't trust ANYONE.
Young girls can also learn to defend themselves. If I was a girl, I certainly wouldn't wanna spend my life living in fear of everyone just because of a FEW bad apples. Might as well live in a cage.
@sueshe
exactly! he still hasn't grasped his viewpoint is flawed because of his genitals making his life experience different.
@HelpfulWoman Why is that ironic, she SOUNDS paranoid. You really WANT to spend your life living in perpetual fear? I sure as hell don't! I've had men molest me a few times as a kid but I don't let it stop me from living my life.
What privilege might that be?
I do walk around with my mace whenever I am out in the streets. I did have to use it once and I am indeed contemplating taking some self-defense lessons.
You see, if a girl catcalls you, you see it as something positive. I, on the other hand know it is nothing but objectification and sexualization and that Mr. FunkyMonkee happens every single day of my life since I starting growing breasts.
I am sure that even a mother of 2 like @helpfulwoman has to suffer from harassment. I just wish you would be subjected to what women have to endure for just 24 hours. We are only seen as objects for the sole male pleasure. A dog is treated better than women in general. There are exceptions of course but I haven't seen many of them yet.
I'm REALLY sorry you have to do that! I wish there was something that could be done so that you wouldn't have to. i think you SHOULD take self-defense.
About a decade ago, I started hearing about a number of college girls (there's at least 6 colleges in the area, at least 3 major universities) were getting raped on their way home from the bars at night and I had been thinking that it'd be great if someone could start a service where these girls could get a trusting escort home. I'd do it myself but, it'd be impossible to get all of them home safely by myself! The campus and city police can only do so much, too.
Yes but, again, that's your perception of the catcalls. A majority of the time, if not ALL the time, that's just men complimenting you in an off-hand way and shouldn't be taken as an insult. They feel they can't just walk up to you and say they think you're very pretty or even sexy without you thinking badly of them so, they whistle or hoot from a distance. If you just ignore that (rather than turning to look at them or making a big deal of it), chances are extremely good, nothing more will come of it.
Okay, how do you dress? Not that you shouldn't feel perfectly okay wearing whatever you wanna wear or that you're intentionally inviting it but, how you present yourself DOES matter. And, like I said, catcalls are just backhanded compliments. Guys are sexually attracted to women and there's not a damned thing anybody can ever do to stop that! It IS life! About all you can do to stop it is walk around in a nun's habit or a black bag, pretty much like the Muslims do. Ask Muslim women that are forced to wear those bags everywhere how much they like it! Chances are, most will tell you they'd RATHER be able to wear sexy things and walk the streets getting catcalls! It's all objective!
I have deer running around in the back yard all the time. Imagine being one of those or any other animal, besides human. You're just standing there looking for things to eat and a male walks up to you, mounts you and has sex with you! You weren't asking for it, it just happened! You also didn't try to run away. You just let it happen! Now, wouldn't you say that catcalling is a MUCH more civil way of letting someone know they're attracted, instead of just grabbing you off the street and forcing sex on you?
I HAVE been subjected it a few times! The guy next door molested me twice! Another time, I caught some guy beating off over me while I was sleeping on the porch swing. Another time, I accepted a ride home (about 2 miles) from some guy that I thought was a friend, or at least one of my fans. I got in the car and he started rubbing my thigh! Another time, I'm sitting on a bus minding my own business when I spotted this goofy looking little guy a couple seats away from me, staring at me with his hand down his shorts playing with himself!! Has any of THAT ever happened to you?
I'm pretty damn sure that, if I WAS a woman, I wouldn't think of catcalls and such as anything terribly bad. It's just guys getting their ya-yas out for a few seconds. Maybe if you lived as a guy for a while, you'd have a better idea of what's going on.
There's a video I found on YT a few months ago about a college woman who decided to live as a man for several months and when asked about it, later, she had a completely different and very sympathetic view of men after that. We aren't what your mothers teach you that we are. Not most of us, anyway.
No, sorry, you're NOT ONLY seen as sexual objects for men! Maybe you should try hanging out with a bunch of them for a while and see what they're really like. Stop living the victim life. It almost sounds like you WANT to be a victim. When I was a kid, I noticed how my brother and grandfather were ALWAYS bitching and complaining about EVERYTHING!! I noticed that I was starting to do that, too and decided then and there that I did NOT want to be like that the rest of MY life and, so far, I HAVEN'T! Maybe YOU should take the reigns of YOUR life, the way I did and NOT live it the way other women of your ilk or your mother has taught you to be.
I've met a few dogs that were treated WAY worse than women!! My ex-fiance got one like that. Her previous owner must've beat the living shit out of her!! When we first got her, she was okay around my girlfriend but if I tried to let her smell my hand or put it out to try to pet her, she'd jump back several feet, like I was gonna hit her! Obviously, she was afraid of a man's hand. After a few weeks or so, she got over that and was madly in love with me! I couldn't even set foot in the apartment without her running circles around me and barking her praises of me for 15:00!! My girlfriend couldn't even get close enough for a hug or kiss!
Well, maybe you should take off your burka and take a better look around because there's probably more of us nice guys than ones out to hurt you.
Thank you! And, I hope you realize I'm NOT trying to be an asshole. If anything, I'm just trying to help you get out of the corner you seem to have unkowingly painted yourself into. Nothing wrong with being careful but, if you're gonna let it run your life...
Wife response: in my country this is very common everyone helps everyone. When I came to the US and met my husband (account creator) it was a shock to see that very few Americans are like that and my husband is one of the only ones I have seen
Yeah, I kinda noticed that, too but, it took me going away to another STATE for a few months to notice that happening! I got a job at Cedar Point (a four hour drive from here) which meant, I had to stay there all summer. It was the first time I'd ever lived away from my family AND completely alone! Almost everyone there was very nice and total strangers would help you if you were in need or would say hello to you when you passed them. When I got back home at the end of the summer, I continued being that way because I was so used to it so, I was walking a block away from my house and said hi to someone that lived in the house there, they'd been there for years, but they completely ignored me when I said, "Hi" to them! It was a kind of culture shock!! I'd continue doing that, and still do, but, I doubt I even get 50% of the people I meet here doing the same!! And they refer to this city as "The city with a smile on its face!" "The friendliest city!" BULLSHIT it is!! I can easily attest to the fact that it's NOT the friendliest city or the city with a smile on its face!! Except for that 3-month stay at Cedar Point, I've probably spent a total of maybe 3 months in Ohio over the course of the past 38 years, mostly in 6 hour intervals, and I've made loads more friends there than I have living here my entire life!!
My ex-fiance was from India and, shortly after we started seeing each other, she told me that the thing that attracted her to me was that I was nice and somewhat helpful towards her the night we met. I was at a venue where I just finished playing drums with another band and the following act was on stage. I sat in the back of the room and didn't really care about the band on stage. She walks in with a friend of hers and they ending up standing in front of where I was sitting. She turned to me and apologized for blocking my view. I just shrugged it of and motioned to her that they were fine where they were. A few minutes later, she decided to sit with me and talk with me. A few weeks later, we were lovers!
Opinion
0Opinion
Hi, it is lovely to hear of your kindness towards your new neighbour. As a female I would say I would definitely be constantly cautious around a man I didn't know in my new house. Of course you appearing to be a neighbour would of balanced me a little. Most females I know feel like prey still in 2024, always switched on.. not to give you the wrong impression for example, but hey this is me, this lady may be completely different. if she is alone im damn sure a friendly guy neighbour who could help out with those kinda tasks she may find difficult.. best of luck
I just don't see anything wrong with going over to at least offer to help her move in. People these days just aren't neighborly anymore like they were half a century ago.
i do agree, where i live in our road people will help each other out, if you need a jump start, ill share food i bake, give someone a lift if they need it.. etc... society has and is continuing to be destroyed its what they want if you divide and conquer.. and people are scared of each other,, i know less than ten families in my area.. when i was a kid you knew everyone in the village.. the only way kindness continues is people like you and i keep it up.. despite being left with a feeling you're weird or they will think you're weird!!! crazy times my friend..
I've been here at my aunt's house for over 4 years and I've only met 10 people and none have anything to do with me! Paul came over to help twice, Gary helped me twice, Shane helped once. If I go talk to them, they'll be nice enough to talk for a few minutes but, none will ever come over just to hang out for a while, play cards, offer rides, etc.. Most of them seem to feel as though I'm undesirable and they want as little as possible to do with me.
The motto's of this town are, "The Friendliest City", "The city with a smile on Its face!" Couldn't prove it by me!!
I will always be weary of people. Even if you have the best and purists intentions. There are so many people out there that seem nice and normal, but they aren’t. It only takes a second that my guard is down for someone to do something bad to me.
In all honesty in this scenario I wouldn’t have let you in my house. Just in general I was raised in a true crime household where you would hear horror stories of people being killed over the dumbest things, so I am extremely hyper vigilant.
If I was by myself, I would have to say no thank you. I have just randomly come across too many harmful men in my life to let someone I don't know at all get near me, much less into my home. Murderers and rapists can be perfect gentlemen, right up until the moment they aren't. I am sorry, but I distrust and fear you just because you are bigger and a lot stronger than I am. That can change when/if I get to know you.
But, I thought you were in love with me! Lol.
Yeah, I can understand that.
@FunkyMonkee YOU, my sweet MonkeeMan, are the one and ONLY exception!! lol
Especially when you are being the perfect gentleman!!
Thank you ever so graciously, m'lady! I curtsy to thee!
And ONLY you could turn me on with a CURTSEY, m'dear fellow!
Thank ye! You make me blush!
i'm new to the area, don't know everywhere and you will know I am alone.
While I wouldn't say its distrust, its good to be weary.
This is exactly the man vs bear scenario again.
YOU may be a good person. I would NOT know that straight away. There are men who are NOT good people. And they will and can play the "perfect gentleman" like you say you would have done in this scenario.
Leary.
What's this got to do with bears?
I know, I trusted my neighbor when I was about 14 until he molested me!
Except that, IN this scenario, I've lived 2 doors away from her for several years and never gave her a reason to distrust me. Nor do I have any intentions of doing anything to harm her.
you're just saying in this scenario they're moving in. pick a lane.
you're also again ignoring the point. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LIKE. Random strangers do not. This is the exact thing people don't understand about the whole bear thing and why so many men are acting like hurt fucking morons over it.
I'd still be skeptical for a time. Perhaps it was all a ploy to get me alone or get me to trust you OR you were only doing it because you wanted something in exchange. It'd take time to be trusted. Sorry, this is the kind of fear we have to have.
Yeah I can understand that but, rest assured, it never was a ploy. I just saw that she was moving in by herself and offered to help.
There was also a set of twins that lived across the street. I was on my porch one day and saw there was a large cardboard package delivered on their porch. A few hours later, it started to rain. I had no idea what it was but, I didn't want it getting ruined in the rain so, I brought it over to my house `til they got home from work, then told them about it and gave it to them. Turns out it was a very pretty throw rug that they bought for their porch! So, it wouldn't have mattered if it got wet. Lol.
Even though we've been casual friends since they moved in at least 10 years ago, I don't even recall their names.
If I'm walking through a grocery store and I spot someone short trying to reach a top shelf, I'll grab the item and give it to them and then just leave them, unless they ask me to get something else for them.
Anybody that knows me will tell you I'm as safe as your fave teddy bear.
I would thank you profusely and excuse you as I needed to now unpack the glorious mounds of boxes. I would follow up with a knock on your door and some cookies I baked and another thank you. I am big on being neighborly. If you were being polite and didn't give me the ick, why not at minimum be friendly. We live in a time where we don't know our neighbors anymore and it's sad.
And I would thank you for the cookies and invite you in for tea.
Absolutely! Too many self-imposed strangers! Take the John Doe movent to heart and try to break up the crusty walls built around each of us.
I'M certainly not interested in hurting anybody I'd MUCH rather at least TRY to make friends!!!
no i wouldn't be scared of you. i only feel scared when the vibes are off. you can kinda feel it if a guy has creepy intentions
Thanks! I wish I did. I've had a few people take advantage of me, including my next door neighbor that molested me when I was about 14! Quite often, we'd sit on the porch and talk for a while. One day, I borrowed his copy of, "Jesus Christ Superstar" and, when I gave it back a few days later, he told me he had something to give me up in his room. Years later, I discovered that he also got my little brother and one of my little sisters.
Not that I know of. At that point in time, because mom was a bit of a prude, we just figured it'd be best not to say anything about it to her or dad (they didn't like sexual talk) so, it went completely unreported until about 30 years later when I mentioned it to my brother and sisters and they owned up to him getting them, too. I suspect he was also the guy that I caught beating off over me one night while I was sleeping on the porch swing. If he's still alive, I suspect he'd be in his 80's, by now. He was living next door with his mother on the 2nd floor of Mrs. Leech's house (she rented out the top two floors). His name is, Norbert Carr and the funny thing is, he said he wanted to be a priest!! I mentioned to a friend of mine years later and he said, "That figures!".
They moved out a few months later, possibly because Mrs. Leech sold her house. I haven't seen or heard from them since.
I would trust you 100% I don’t like the judge people
* to judge people
Thank you!
You’re welcome ☺️
Typically, I would not fear you. If I did, it would be based on your looks.
I would trust you until you prove otherwise. And I am happy to have a good neighbor like you.
Thank you! And I would GIVE YOU NO reason NOT to trust me! I'd MUCH rather have your trust than to risk losing it!
It depends where you live. If you are in a small rural town in Canada. This is normal. But if you're in LA, California... It will be seen as suspicious and frightening.
I'd be fine if you were nice
Thanks! I am. I've never been interested in hurting anyone that hasn't hurt me, first.
There's a bunch of wild bunnies running around up here and I feed them bread every day. They even come up to me and take it out of my hand. 3 weeks ago, they didn't trust me, either. Now, if they're in the yard eating grass, I can walk over near them and they just keep eating. The bunnies that were here last year (I hear they only live about a year) would sit on my porch at my door waiting for me to come out every morning!
It's kind of a matter of pride, to me, that I'm someone they, and other people, can trust implicitly. I'd MUCH rather have trust than someones fear and hatred. What good is that, unless that person is an enemy?
I am confused 🤔
@SueShe WHY?
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